Thread Of Evil!

This is my six hundred and sixty sixth post on Tiki Central.

666!!!

Most likely by now that number has very little horror value to the average TC member thanks to Iron Maiden and all the middle school Satanists out there. And actually Satan himself has hyped the 666 thing a lot. He's a major attention hog.

And since this is post number 666 it's as good as time as ever to tell you that I'm a "demon". (Actually, "demon" is your Human term...It's a garbling of what we actually call ourselves: Yumyums. Easy to see how the mistake was made, especially as "yum yum" means something good for Humans. And we Yumyums are not something good for Humans.)

So I'm a demon (Yumyum). My actual name roughly translates into I Walk Among You. (And for those of you up on your "demonology" I am in Fromer's Guide to the Otherworlds and Demons from Points Therein but I am listed, due to a for crap translation job, as I Dance Among You. Stupid Humans. However, all my attributes...Fire breathing, trans-dimensional shifting, walking eyeballs, et cetera are as described. And they got my "birth" date right.)

I more or less look like this:

Keep in mind that renderings of Yumyums in your stupid Human dimension always add a hundred pounds or so.

So the whole 666 thing. Way back in the mystic swirls of forgotten darkness before time and light and cable TV we Yumyums set this plan into motion so that at some point we'd again take control of the All That Is from ol' What's-His-Name. Unfortunately for us this plan was set into motion before the invention of time so there was a lot of waiting around until we could figure out when it was all going to take place. (It wasn't all just waiting, actually. There were a lot of wars between Good and Evil, etc. Despite all the ancient magics and powers involved none of it was as exciting as you may think. Although the reverb really gets pumped up during a war between good and evil so whatever you say sounds totally awesome!)

(Oh, also, it may interest you to know that our original trigger number was 444. There's actually not a lot of meaning in the number, it was just popular. But then 666 started getting all this attention and we just went with that. My particular branch of Yumyums actually don't have anything to do with Satan and his big plans. We kinda think he's a dumb ass.)

Yeah so, pert near all of my posts on Tiki Central these past few years have been carefully calculated math-magical equations which were gradually directing a lot of super bad evil juju around the Internet. A bunch of other Yumyums were doing the same thing on various other sites. I was the lucky one that actually got assigned to Tiki Central which is chock full of Yumyum imagery in what you blindly stupid Humans call Tiki mugs. (Unfortunately I don't have a Tiki mug based on me...I've always done a lot of behind the scene Yumyummery so had little contact with Humans...Except the folks at Staples where I got most of our office supplies.)

This post, number 666, is the final post in my long equation. It soldifies a link between the west coast of the US and the reflected light of a sun called _____ off of ______, a moon near _________. (Sorry, the names as we speak them in Yumyumian are actually symbols. Translating them to English would take about a month and also require the a pen made from a Dodo feather. You stupid Humans killed all the Dodos. As a result you will also never know our recipe for Double Deep Chocolate Brownie Crumble Cookies which are exactly the sort of thing you Humans do call "Yum yum." Ha-ha-ha! Stupd humans!)

As that evil link is now complete I can move to another asignment, hopefully not on Earth. No offense but I really really hate this place. Present company excluded, of course.

With this post, our plan is unstoppable. Thank you for your stupid Human help in your own undoing! I am laughing as I type this, imagining the look of stupid horror I'm going to see on all your stupid faces when exactly 8 hours, 5 days, 3 months and 2 thousand years from now your stupid Human dimension falls under Yumyum rule! Suckers!

This will be my last post on Tiki Central. Enjoy your doom, stupid Humans!!!*****

*****Most likely I will post again...But future posts won't be "work" related. I just wanted to make a big dramatic exit.

I knew it! :wink:

I started wondering when "Diary Of A Mad She-Devil" came out....this confirms it!

This is my 333 post...so I am half-way to being truly evil!

I cannot wait!

On 2006-11-21 21:25, woofmutt wrote:
This will be my last post on Tiki Central. Enjoy your doom, stupid Humans!!!*****

*****Most likely I will post again...But future posts won't be "work" related. I just wanted to make a big dramatic exit.

geez, then how will you share your nifty art? ooh i know.. post in Test..
anyways. congrats on meeting your goal, Demon One..

the demonic 666th post is very close for me, so the choice is do i blart out a scree of posts to qualify or continue at my normal posting amount? Hmmmmm

I've survived the 666 post, Y2K and a shitload o' Friday the 13ths. I'm ready to shake hands with the devil. ARRRR!

On 2006-11-21 21:25, woofmutt wrote:[/i]
This will be my last post on Tiki Central. Enjoy your doom, stupid Humans!!!*****

*****Most likely I will post again...But future posts won't be "work" related. I just wanted to make a big dramatic exit.

Where :music: oh where :music: has Woofmutt gone...oh where, :music: oh where can he be?? :music: :music:

Hey Woofmut, when you finish hanging out with Satan and the Yumyyums and making Double Deep Chocolate Brownie Crumble Cookies, which clearly won't be shared with us lowly humans...let us know, are ya gonna be posting under a new name now? :D

And smoothly I walk into my 666th post, Mmmmwahhh ha ha ha I feeel the demonic power surging through posting fingers, I am the Satan of posting, i feel the urge to flame-war and troll...grunt...Jimmy Buffet is better than Martin Denny...squeel..parrot mugs are real tiki mugs...bark... Mai Tai's taste better with orange juice in them... down Satan back into hell, what terrible things to say, bad satan bad.

(Please note all Satan's opinions are purely for satirical purposes and do not actually represent my actual opinions, Satan made me do it!)