How to tell if your ventriloquist puppet is evil

1.Make a large, roaring fire.

2.Within earshot of the doll say “Well, I think it’s about time I get rid of this ventriloquist doll … it’s not doing me any good no more”.

3.Pick up the doll and say “I think this will burn up real good in the fire”

4.Walk towards the fire.

5.Make like you’re going to throw the doll into the fire on the count of 3.

At this point, if your doll is evil, you’ll feel a bite on your arm, or a punch, or some other violent reaction. The doll will try to get out of your grasp, and, if successful, will run away, most likely with an evil cackle out of it’s smiling mouth. Be careful … he’s not fleeing from you; he’s only looking for a place to hide in order to attack you later.

If nothing happens, your doll is probably not evil. You now have 2 choices: Throw it into the fire anyway, or put it away. Warning: If you do not throw the doll in the fire, it is suggested that you take a knife with you to bed. It’s possible the doll IS evil but knew you were testing it, and is waiting for you to go to sleep before attempting to strangle you.

~Hanford

Yuo've been watching the Twilight Zone marathon again, haven't you? :) Mexican Horror films are good for evil dolls, too.

Thanks for the tips Hanford! I'll try it out tonight!

-Slacks

This is a moot argument...everyone knows all ventriloquist's dummies are evil, as are their cousins, clowns.

Hanford scares me!

If you don't have an evil puppet, you can get one here!

http://www.puppetterrors.com

This is the funniest thread I've read in months. Unga Bunga - that link will give me the mental mastery over my sister that I've always craved.

Hanford, whatever it is that you're smoking/drinking/taking/meditating on... I want some.

Absolutely hilarious.

On 2003-11-14 22:20, pablus wrote:
Hanford, whatever it is that you're smoking/drinking/taking/meditating on... I want some.

you can get it right here. :D

And thanks for the compliments!

~Hanford

The next thread: How to Tell When Your Donut's Evil!

I bit into a Krispy Kreme lemon donut once, all a-quiver with anticipation of that lemony goodness and it was EMPTY.

That was evil.

The fire tip is a good one. ACcording to urban legends fire is the only way to get rid of something evil. That is why you can not mearly throw away your Ouiji board, it will simply keep reappearing in your house. If you want to destroy something born in the bowels of hell it must burn with the same fire that gave it life. I remember Movie Macabre this is a fact. Speaking of Movie Macabre what ever happenned to Elvira. Man she must be like a hundred now and I would still do her.

Oops, once again, I think I've said to much.

This reminds me of the old movie where the handsome ventriloquist is really the dummy and the dummy is really the ventriloquist.

The evil little bastard tricks a lonely woman into marrying him because she thinks she's marrying a suave, good looking ventriloquist.

It's a very creepy old flick - I can't remember the name of it.

All Krispy Kreme donuts ae evil. Don't believe the hype! Buy real donuts!

But I like KK donuts. Bein' as how they were allegedly inspired by N.O. beignets.

Indeed, the 1975 movie Trilogy of Terror had the final third dedicated to a Zuni Fetish Doll that coincidentally blended ventriloquist creepiness with tiki formalism. Karen Black figured out the fire thing... kind of.

[ Edited by: Johnny Dollar on 2003-11-17 16:38 ]

Apparently WE are not the ONLY ones interested in this topic:

(From another message board)
Eloquently Speaking from the Stomach
Every now and then, I thumb through John Ayto's Dictionary of Word Origins and surprise myself. Tonight I looked up the word eloquent and was surprised to read:

eloquent see VENTRILOQUIST

Hm. I would never have guessed that eloquence had anything to do with ventriloquism. First of all, I find ventriloquists and their wooden friends just a tad bit disturbing, thanks to shows like The Twilight Zone and Tales from the Crypt.

I mean, it's bad enough that ventriloquists like to stick their hand up a wooden doll's butt and talk without moving their lips; let's not make them science-fiction scary as well! Face it, there's an eerie air about them. Hollywood makes them out to be evil, and we easily accept that. Why?

Well... I did as the entry for eloquent bid me. I looked up ventriloquist:

ventriloquist [17] A ventriloquist is etymologically a 'stomach-speaker.' The word is an anglicization of late Latin ventriloquus, a compound formed from Latin venter 'stomach' (source also of English ventral [18] and ventricle [14]) and loqui 'speak' (source of English colloquial [18], elocution [15], eloquent [14], loquacious [17], etc). The ultimate model for this was Greek eggastrímuthos 'speaking in the stomach.' The term was originally a literal one; it referred to the supposed phenomenon of speaking from the stomach or abdomen, particularly as a sign of possession by an evil spirit. It was not used for the trick of throwing one's voice until the end of the 18th century.
» colloquial, elocution, eloquent, locution, loquatious, ventral, ventricle

Most notable in this entry is the following set of words: a sign of possession by an evil spirit.

Aha. So there we have it. I will, of course, have nightmares tonight.

posted by April at 09:27 pm Pacific

4 comments added...
I am right there with you. There's something horribly creepy about ventriloquists. And their wooden puppets scare me just as much.

posted by Minnie at 12:21 am Pacific 09/17/2002

Here's a bit of trivia:

Candice Bergen, daughter of famous ventriloquist, Edgar Bergen, never liked her wooden "brother" Charlie McCarthy. In fact, Charlie had a bigger bedroom and more clothes than she did as a child.

Now that's a traumatic childhood.

posted by April at 10:19 pm Pacific 09/17/2002

That reminds me of puppets. The whole thought is very disturbing. Think of where the person puts their hand to operate the puppet. That's all I'm saying.

posted by Kami at 09:46 pm Pacific 09/20/2002

I have a very old Charlie McCarthy doll that is definately possessed. I have had him for fifteen years, prior to that he was my grandfathers who was a ceremonial magician.

grandfather was given him by a ranting fellow in morocco and he actually chased my grandfather to get rid of him saying that he was evil. this fascinated my grandfather and i had him from the age of 11.

he does sometimes cause problems, as in possession through dreams, nightmares and has been known to move of his own account. when i was 16, my parents would not enter my bedroom for fear, saying that things would fly across the room etc., right now he is bound and hibernating as at halloween he always plays up, celtic new year, samhain, he just cant help himself.

posted by h0ly_grail at 01:52 pm Pacific 10/30/2003

Kc, the name of that movie is MAGIC. That was a creepy flick. Scared the shit out of me in the 70's.

Thanks BK. I'll bet there's not a snatch of an old movie or song lyric in existance that someone on Tiki Central could not identify. It never ceases to amaze me.

Johnny Dollar wrote "Indeed, the 1975 movie Trilogy of Terror had the final third dedicated to a Zuni Fetish Doll". Zuni fetishes aren't dolls, Hopi Kachinas are. Zuni fetishes are small rocks which are used for hunting and hold the spirit of a predatory animal. Kachinas are small wooden dolls made to teach Hopi children of the different helpful spirits. Sorry, just like people to keep us Indigenous types straight.
P.S. sounds like a cool flick.

[ Edited by: Sneakytiki on 2003-11-19 12:26 ]

Hanford, I seem to remember a certain Mommy trying to ascertain if Chucky was evil and make him talk,telling Chucky she was going to toss him in the fire and Chucking saying " I'll teach u to F*** with me B####"! Biting her arm and escaping. Those evil dolls and clowns!! IT by Stephen King ruined clowns for me and the Twilight Zone with the Vent. Dummy creeped me out good on those. Then there's that King short story with the toy monkey that claps his cymbals and then someone dies. Yuck!!

I never saw any of the Chuckie (child's play) movies, but then again, my experience with the fire test for dolls is not purely something I made up.

My favorite pin ball game for a very long time was the "Funhouse" one with the doll head that talked to you. It was very creepy and a very good pinball game:

http://www.wakey.com/pinball/pins/pinball-fun-house.htm

~hanford

Since it's that time of year, I thought it would be good to bump this thread.

Trick or treat!

On 2007-10-17 00:19, Mai Tai wrote:
Since it's that time of year, I thought it would be good to bump this thread.

Trick or treat!

===============
Mai Tai
Tiki Socialite

Joined: Mar 21, 2004
Posts: 666
From: Isle of Alameda

Good timing on the number of posts. I bet it was no accident. You probably saw the number coming up and looked for an evil thread to bump. Nicely done.

One of the premier ventriloquists of the Edgar Bergin era was Señor Wences. Even to other ventriloquists, he probably seemed evil.

First off, he had a dummy that was just a head in a box (Pedro). SW would ask Pedro in the closed box if everything was OK, then he'd open the box and Pedro would say, "'S awright!," then SW would shut the box.

Freaky!

Then, on top of that, he'd put lipstick on his hand around his thumb and index finger, put eyes and hair on his fist and make his fist talk.

Kinky!

When most guys resort to self love, they just use their imaginations. SW had an escort with lipstick and everything! :lol:

On 2003-11-15 15:49, suicide_sam wrote:
The fire tip is a good one. ACcording to urban legends fire is the only way to get rid of something evil. That is why you can not mearly throw away your Ouiji board, it will simply keep reappearing in your house. If you want to destroy something born in the bowels of hell it must burn with the same fire that gave it life. I remember Movie Macabre this is a fact. Speaking of Movie Macabre what ever happenned to Elvira. Man she must be like a hundred now and I would still do her.

Oops, once again, I think I've said to much.

I just saw a commercial for a new reality show about finding the next Elvira. Elvira still looked pretty hot in the commercial.

Though not a ventriliquist's dummy, it's still a doll.

Even a reference to Hawaiian mysticism at the end.

Copied from http://www.scaryplace.com/ScaryDoll.html .

*A Very Scary Doll

This story is one of many found in a book called "The Little Giant Book of 'True' Ghost Stories" See Scary Reviews/Books for more info.

Can a doll haunt a house? Take Robert, a large doll that for many years inhabited the Artist House in Key West, an island off the southern tip of Florida. The Artist House is a bed and I breakfast establishment, a place to relax, but some patrons have had anything but relaxing times there. The owner, Ed Cox, tells of a young German woman who stayed in the front bedroom, and who was terrified.

"The more you go up that staircase, the worse the feeling is," she said. The front bedroom was the place where the doll had been kept for many years. A plumber working at the Artist House insisted that he heard the doll giggle, and that he found it sitting in different spots when no one was around to move it. Did it move itself?

Owner Cox tells of other disturbances in the house Ñ of pictures that fly off the walls, for example. He once saw the door of a book cabinet spring open for no visible reason. Sometimes doors won't open. Sometimes they open when they shouldn't.

Who is Robert, and what could he be up to?

Robert was the doll of Robert Gene Otto, an artist who lived in the house all his life. When Gene, as he was called, was given the doll he was five years old. It was the custom around 1900 to give a child a doll that looked like him. Robert the doll is the size of a child. He has human hair, and buttons for eyes. Gene used to dress the doll in his own clothes. He also gave it his first name.

Myrt Reuter, who owned the house after Gene died, cared for Robert as though he were a human being. "It has different kinds of clothes," she said. "It was in a pixie outfit when I got him. Now I have Gene's little sailor suit on him.

"I've been told," she said, "that when Gene did anything mean or hateful he always blamed it on the doll." Myrt Reuter tells of renting the house to a law student one winter. She says, "He told this story that the doll was voodoo and it locked him up in the attic." Was that true? Possibly. But it is a fact that many people have reported strange experiences in the house, whether or not Robert was causing them.

Enid Hoffnan, who has written books about the Hawaiian mystical tradition, Huna, suspects that what is going on with Robert is what the Hawaiians call Mana. "Mana," she says, "carries ideas. It can be stored in certain things, wood and silk in particular. It flows in ways that are hard for us to understand. The doll has possibly infected the atmosphere of the house."

Gene had been a bad-tempered person all his life. The doll had been his "mirror image." A lot of his personality had gone into the dollÑall the evil thoughts and actions. Possibly Gene's anger is living on after his death, through Robert.

I recommend this book of stories... it continues to be a Scuttles and Nurse Spasm favorite. Look for Little Giant Book of "True" Ghost Stories in your bookstore or on Amazon.com*

Pictures of "The Doll" from http://www.squidoo.com/dollrobert .

To quote DEADBOLT, The Scariest Band In The World
"OOOOOOO, CREEPY and WEIRD!!"

How did Clowns and Krispy Kreme become evil?
I'm a Clown from Atlanta and am 38% Krispy Kreme, ya jerks.
My love handles say they are real doughnuts as well.
Evil that,
Laffo

On 2007-10-22 12:58, Heath wrote:
Though not a ventriliquist's dummy, it's still a doll.

Even a reference to Hawaiian mysticism at the end.

Copied from http://www.scaryplace.com/ScaryDoll.html .

*A Very Scary Doll

This story is one of many found in a book called "The Little Giant Book of 'True' Ghost Stories" See Scary Reviews/Books for more info.

---

Can a doll haunt a house? Take Robert, a large doll that for many years inhabited the Artist House in Key West, an island off the southern tip of Florida. The Artist House is a bed and I breakfast establishment, a place to relax, but some patrons have had anything but relaxing times there. The owner, Ed Cox, tells of a young German woman who stayed in the front bedroom, and who was terrified.

"The more you go up that staircase, the worse the feeling is," she said. The front bedroom was the place where the doll had been kept for many years. A plumber working at the Artist House insisted that he heard the doll giggle, and that he found it sitting in different spots when no one was around to move it. Did it move itself?

Owner Cox tells of other disturbances in the house Ñ of pictures that fly off the walls, for example. He once saw the door of a book cabinet spring open for no visible reason. Sometimes doors won't open. Sometimes they open when they shouldn't.

Who is Robert, and what could he be up to?

Robert was the doll of Robert Gene Otto, an artist who lived in the house all his life. When Gene, as he was called, was given the doll he was five years old. It was the custom around 1900 to give a child a doll that looked like him. Robert the doll is the size of a child. He has human hair, and buttons for eyes. Gene used to dress the doll in his own clothes. He also gave it his first name.

Myrt Reuter, who owned the house after Gene died, cared for Robert as though he were a human being. "It has different kinds of clothes," she said. "It was in a pixie outfit when I got him. Now I have Gene's little sailor suit on him.

"I've been told," she said, "that when Gene did anything mean or hateful he always blamed it on the doll." Myrt Reuter tells of renting the house to a law student one winter. She says, "He told this story that the doll was voodoo and it locked him up in the attic." Was that true? Possibly. But it is a fact that many people have reported strange experiences in the house, whether or not Robert was causing them.

Enid Hoffnan, who has written books about the Hawaiian mystical tradition, Huna, suspects that what is going on with Robert is what the Hawaiians call Mana. "Mana," she says, "carries ideas. It can be stored in certain things, wood and silk in particular. It flows in ways that are hard for us to understand. The doll has possibly infected the atmosphere of the house."

Gene had been a bad-tempered person all his life. The doll had been his "mirror image." A lot of his personality had gone into the dollÑall the evil thoughts and actions. Possibly Gene's anger is living on after his death, through Robert.

---

I recommend this book of stories... it continues to be a Scuttles and Nurse Spasm favorite. Look for Little Giant Book of "True" Ghost Stories in your bookstore or on Amazon.com*

Pictures of "The Doll" from http://www.squidoo.com/dollrobert .

To quote DEADBOLT, The Scariest Band In The World
"OOOOOOO, CREEPY and WEIRD!!"

Be careful, don't dis' Robert or trouble will come a knockin! He doesn't even like his picture to be taken.
Don't know how I missed this post till now... I loooove Robert, I visit him everytime I go to Key West! No kidding...
Robert and I are like this crossed fingers...
K.

[ Edited by: kikekeki 2008-06-10 21:02 ]