Post #128501 by tiki mick 1 on Thu, Dec 2, 2004 10:46 AM

So, I had this hot looking filipina girlfriend at the time, who invited me to spend thanksgiving with her family, She mentioned her dad liked to take shots, so I brought over the Jaegermonster. He already had some other type of liquer, so we are trading shots as he is questioning me about my life, ambitions, future..you know, the usual stuff a dad grills his daughter's new boyfriend with...
Well, dinner is served, and I eat a bit. Then he pours me another shot of the jaeger. This one came back up. I puked into the shot glass, which overflowed. Then horribly, I puked again, this time reaching for my actual dinner plate. I splattered Jaegermiester flavored vomit all over the table, over and over, until I had veins popping in my neck. Her whole family, grandma, everyone was just sitting there in total horror!

She broke up with me soon after.

On a related note (and this is slightly x rated, so don't read on if you get offended)

I finally scored a date with the finest, most voluptuous italian-american girl you have ever seen! I went out on one date, everything was fine. The next date occured on a Friday, and as luck would have it, I had been farting for hours before the date, and actually had a bad stomache ache and nausea..Well, normally I would cancel, but I really liked this chick, (and so did a lot of other guys who were waiting in the wings) so I still went and took her out. We had dinner, and I started feeling a bit better, and only had to excuse myself a few times and go to the head. After dinner, she wanted to go home. Phew! I had made it through, and was just planning on a nice kiss goodnight, but she had other plans. She grabbed me by my tie and dragged me inside her place, telling me the date was not finished yet.

Well after making out for a while, we started to, well, you know!

Her room was very quiet..so quiet you could only hear the clock ticking. It was like time had stood still. So, here I am, working it like I never worked it before, when all of a sudden, it happened! The loudest, wettest sounding fart emitted from my ass IN MY WHOLE LIFE!! It was dark, but her eyes lit up like a gaffed fish, (and to her credit), she tried to pretend she had not noticed..her movements slowed a bit, but she kept on going. Then, we both noticed the smell..rotten beef, old beer, rancid gin, garbage disposal backed-up..that would be a polite way to describe it! It was more like when your dog farts..you know how stinky that can be? The whole small room filled up with this fetid and funky smell. I was humiliated, and left immediately.

The perverse part of the story is that on the way home, in my car, I just could not staop laughing..I actually had to pull over. Do you ever have that type of laughter where you are afraid you won't be able to stop? That's it baby!

The very next day I called to apolgize, and she answered the phone "oh, hey YOU!"

We never dated again.