Post #28766 by Sabu The Coconut Boy on Mon, Mar 31, 2003 4:42 PM

I think I was the only one that had a good time at Billy's. Maybe by making a beeline to the outside bar, I avoided most of the Nazi Waitresses. Just the fact that it was a new tiki bar I hadn't been to yet was good enough for me. But I really liked the design of the bars, with their Leeteegs, the tapa lamp and the tiki poles.

While I was waiting at the bar, a hot little blonde sidled up to me, touched me on the arm, and asked coyly, "Do you think you could find a table so we could order a few drinks and maybe get an appetizer?"

I haven't had an aggressive girl use a good pickup line on me for ages, so I said, "Well, I'm ordering drinks now, just tell me what you want, and I'll get us an appetizer to split."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "I thought you were a waiter!"

It was the Hawaiian shirt and the lei I was wearing. The "we" she had mentioned was her group of friends. I thought my friend Christian was going to laugh his ass off. I refused to be embarrassed.

"No" I said, "But I'm serious about that appetizer. What do you want?"

She ended up being a good sport and hung out with us for a short time. But then there was the challenge of getting our drinks. I agree with Traderpup - the bartenders at the Royal Hawaiian had risen magnificently to the challenge of making Lapu Lapus for fifty people at once and earned my respect - but this pretty-boy bartender at Billy's was getting pissy.

"I'm not making any more Navy Grogs" he told his audience. "They take too much work for the dollar tips I'm getting." (or something like that). But I had seen the alcohol he was putting into those Grogs, as well as the rock-candy swizzle stick and Christian and I each wanted one. We waved him a preview of our tip and he quickly repented and made us a couple. (Yeah. Laney would have kicked his college-boy ass). But the drinks were worth it. Deadly powerful.

Then two other cute girls grabbed me and sat me at a stool between them.

"You're part of that tiki group that just came in, aren't you?" One of them asked. "What other bars are you hitting?"

It turns out they were tiki fans as well and had been to both the Royal Hawaiian and Sam's before. I scribbled out the web-address for Tiki Central and told them about future events. Then I went back inside to look for the rest of our group.

It was at that time that the combined Lapu Lapu from the last bar and the Navy Grog in my hand both kicked in. Suddenly I was seeing two of everything and was unable to walk unless I was holding on to something. I was happily snapping blurry photos and sucking on my swizzle stick when I heard Polynesian Pop's conch shell horn blowing and I couldn't believe it was already time to board the bus. My "souvenir" glass tumbler with the Leeteeg logo was efficiently snatched from my hand by one of those blonde waitresses as I exited.

Sam's Seafood was much more relaxing and more my style, but like I said, I'm happy we went to Billy's as well. I'm just sad everyone else got so stomped on by the employees.

BTW - Polynesian Pop - that conch horn was an excellent touch. Reminded me fondly of my days outrigger-canoeing, when the conch was sounded at the start and end of every race.

Sabu