Post #399777 by hewey on Thu, Aug 7, 2008 10:41 PM

On 2008-07-25 16:03, JenTiki wrote:
So what's the deal with the rivalry between Aussies and Kiwis?

Its like they're our brothers and sisters. Who we hate. We fight with them all the time, because they're just soooo annoying. But if you say anything bad about them I'll deck ya, because they're my family! :lol: Secretly they're jealous we get sunshine occasionally, and all they get is rain. We do pity them. But not enough to invite them all over to this side of the ditch.

So Hewey...what is up with all those flies

What flies? There's so many we dont even notice them anymore, kinda like all the kiwis who have moved over here. Must be all that sunshine that attracts so many?

Actually, the flies are only for the tourists. When the tourists leave, we just turn the flies off, and its a grouse place to live! But when the flies are on, the tourists get freaked out and dont want to move here! Sweet! The only problem is we still have kiwis moving here. Apparently flies are better than rain eh! Except they are annoying when you're eating fush and chups, bro...

What happens if I tell the quarantine guy at the airport that yes, I have been to a farm recently? Does he incinerate my winklepickers?

Im going to assume that "winklepicker" is a pet name for a part of male anatomy, because I have no idea what the hell it is otherwise. In which case yes, he will incinerate your winklepicker. Mainly out of pity. No self respecting penis should be called a winklepicker. None.

What are men doing when they 'chunder'?

Chunder = spew = vomit = barf. The general standard is chunder is used when one is talking about vomiting whilst intoxicated. Like this example "Me, Dave, Bob and Bazza were chatting up these choice birds at the rissole on Saturdee night. I'd had too many Victor Bravos and was feeling a bit crook, so I told the boys I better hit the frog and toad. I had a chunder in the bust stop on the way home. It was grouse." This translated into generic English would read "David, Robert, Barry and I were talking to some lovely ladies at the RSL (Returned Servicemans League, which are clubs for the purpose of this post). I had consumed excessive amounts of Victoria Bitter beer (which tastes like shite, by the way, but is cheap), and I was feeling unwell, so I bade my farewell and exited to the road. I vomited in the bus station on the way home. It was a thoroughly enjoyable evening, one I wish very much to duplicate in the near future"."Driving the porcelain bus" is another great slang term for having a chunder in the toilet.

Well its rhyming slang isnt it? Seppo = Septic Tank..

See what I mean about being annoying little sibblings? We're having an adult conversation and all he wants to do is butt in and have his say on the matter. Go make some epic middle earth trilogy about hobbits or something will you? And no, you cant move over here! How many times do I have to tell you this? Just toddle off and go tramping in your jandles bro. But leave me chully bun here you cheeky luttle bastard! (chilly bin for those playing at home, what we call an esky, or you yanks might call it a cooler). Why do you even need an esky in NZ, its cold enough anyway!

He was right though, but because he's a kiwi he didnt explain it very well. :roll: Americans are commonly refferred to as Yanks. I have no idea why. Dont ask me. If someone does ask, I'll give your address to the Dingos. Anyway, Seppo is a shortened version of septic tank (we shorten stuff because we're efficient, not lazy, Im sure Ive posted about that before. Leaves more time for drinking beer and laughing at the tourists complaining about flies). We often use rhyming slang for things, septic tank = yank.
As you saw in the above example, "frog and toad" is slang for road. But surely we're stupid turning a single syllable word into 3 seperate words? Arent you supposed to be 'efficient' I hear you cry, pointing accusatory fingers at your screens. Its about using the terms in context. "frog and toad" is commonly used when leaving, say a mates BBQ or a drinking establishment. In which case we dont really want to leave. We want to saty there longer. So by lengthining the phrase for "im leaving" we are in fact extending our time spent in a positive environment, and most likely extending our drinking time too. We're not as silly as you might think.

So anyway, seppo is short for septic tank, which rhymes with yank. How much clearer could it be? Of course, the term can be used with an underlying insult, in a derogeratory fashion. A septic tank is the sewerage tank for people not connected to the sewers (not sure what you guys call them, Im sure the kiwis have some funny name for them though). So the underlying connotation is that a seppo is a person of American origin who is full of sh**, a real wanker. A theoretical example of this might be a guy who turns up to tiki events and wants to carve with a chainsaw whilst highly intoxicated, who carves living trees on public land because the kids next-door told him to do it, and is stupid enough to do chainsaw carving in thongs (flip flops to my American viewers). However, the term has been watered down to a large extent, and does not necessarily have the same negative connotations. Unless we're talking about the guy in that hypothetical example.

Also, remember Australia is a land in which your best freind is reffered to as a "complete bastard", but your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".