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Otto
Grand Member (3 years)
NorCal
Joined: Mar 29, 2002
Posts: 1000
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On 2009-05-30 08:47, Tiki Trav wrote:
Having attended the last 3 Tiki Oasiseseses, I can tell you that us Aussies are not treated very favorably at these events. Prepare to be heckled about your accent, kicked out of the room parties because you have been drinking all day and all night with the rest of em and are still kinda sober while the room host is a dribbling mess on the floor at 4am when you are just warming up and exposing your genitalia for the first time since last night, Ken Ruzic trying to have people believe you are from England (idiot), Billy the C**T trying to have you deported, Bay Park Buzzy having you believe he is from Bay Park when he is really from the slums of Clairemont (you can tell by his home made porno pics), Bigtikidude gnawing your ear completely from your head with rants about the surfguitar yesteryear glory days of so-cal and quite politely kidnapping you into his Scooby Doo Dick Dale Dream Machine for a world tour of surf band exxtremeness (yes double x exxtreme), Bamboo Ben sexually assaulting you then falling asleep in your lap (among other places),
Big Toe making inappropriate pelvic gestures toward you for 4 days, Woohoo Wahine giving you a solid case of industrial deafness from her wild mating WOOHOO call, Eric (vitaltiki) cracking your vertebrae while tonguing your ear and rubbing his 3 day growth on your cheek, Tiki Ray,the antisocial character that he is welcoming you with the "C-bomb"-shame on you Tiki Ray (Cyndi is ok though), Daves Not Home dry humping your leg like the Taco Bell dog but better dressed, Clydesdalle slapping you in the face for no apparent reason, Eric the Red having have a more majestic beard than you or any one you know will ever have and making sure you know it, Squid acting Ubercool with his fancy drawings and little drink cups things, young TikiThomas reminding you that at his age you were whacking doughnuts in a parking lot in a $250 car (drunk) and thought YOU were cool, Nick from Tiki Mag selling you a subscription to a magazine dedicated to showing you a lifestyle that as an Aussie you can never REALLY live.. Matt Reese & Dave Warshaw making you wanna abandon you home country, join the Finkniks and live the rest of your days as a neo-beatnik-tiki-lifestyle-tower bar usual suspect-struggling artist-pinstripe & tattoo your grandmother-kick ass type of motherfucker, Suzie & my mate Captain Smiley Adam letting you know damn sure that you sure as shit ain't living the Tiki/Hotrod/KustomKulture/retro/
vintage/50's/rockabilly/pinup lifestyle, and Holden "Tiki Farm" Westland being completely disinterested in the Tiki Scene as a whole and rightly so because, let's face it, it's sooooooooooooooo boring. whatever.
Trav, nice poetry! I will add to your abilities as Artist and CAD, a poetic flare right up there with Oscar Wilde!
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