Post #474069 by woofmutt on Mon, Aug 3, 2009 1:43 PM

In any group of people who a common interest as a "bond" there's going to be lots of variances in likes and friendliness. This is true whether it's Tiki, dogs, old cars, or religion. (Big churches are well known for having cliques and attitudes and those are people who claim to share a common faith that makes them better people.)

Do you really think that all the people at a cat show are great friends or even friendly towards each other just because they happen to like cats?

Just because someone is into Tiki and you're into Tiki doesn't mean they're going to be into you. You can't take it personally.

There have always been people on Tiki Central who, judging from their posts, I have never been interested in getting to know. And at Rockabilly shows and some Tiki events it's been fairly clear to me that there are others who have no interest in talking to me. How do I know? The classic "Excuse me..." and they walk off 3 feet to either stand and stare into space or talk to someone who they obviously consider to be much cooler than me.

I could take it personally but I'd really rather people were bluntly honest than pretend to be friendly while quietly thinking I'm a dork and wishing there was someone cooler to talk to. (Or pretending to be happy to see me after they'd previously given me the brush off.)

You pretty much can't change people's preferences about you. You can only decide to not act like them.

When I show up at an event and see the people who made it clear they had no interest in me I just look right past them and have a good time anyway.

Focus your time and energy on your actual friends and loved ones and not on people you assumed would be lovely and friendly but who proved themselves otherwise.