Post #658113 by JOHN-O on Wed, Nov 7, 2012 7:55 PM

BTD, you don't know the half of it.

Here's the 2nd part of that Sunday evening. Since the Melody Bar was a shutout, I decided to check off a long standing item on my Tiki "to do" list as I was driving west on Pico Blvd back to Santa Monica.

For those of you familiar with your Tiki geography, you should know my destination was the famous Kelbo's, "Home of the Habit-forming Spare Ribs". Or rather I should say the FORMER Kelbo's, as that location now houses the Fantasy Island "strip club".

Unlike other long gone Tiki landmarks, the Kelbo's building wasn't razed but instead re-purposed. And the new business wasn't some unimaginative retail outlet but rather an establishment that still held the promise of an alcohol-fueled "exotic" experience. Could Kelbo's ghosts of Tiki past be haunting the place?

Now we've seen exterior pictures of Kelbo's surviving Tiki signage and lighthouse tower, but no urban archeology reports on the interior have ever been posted. Yeah I know after all this time someone must have checked it out, but nothing that's ever been reported on TC.

I've always assumed based on the Westside address, Fantasy Island was an upscale Vegas-style Gentlemen's Club staffed by MAWs (model/actress/whatever) looking to get discovered by slumming Hollywood producers. That expectation was reinforced last year when I and another prominent Tiki Centralite took a rum-fueled field trip to the (now defunct) Cheetah club down the street from the Tiki-Ti. There we met a former Miss Chinese Seattle looking for her big Hollywood break, she even provided me with her personal website info and IMDB resume !!

So after paying a $10 cover I entered into Fantasy Island and encountered an environment very different from what I expected. The place was virtually empty with the exception of a bunch of sad sack guys watching football at the bar. Also F.I. really wasn't that upscale, it vibed more like a seedy Mexican bordello with its blood red walls. Actually that's a lowbrow aesthetic I can appreciate, if it wasn't for the fact the place was just too darn brightly lit for such a den of iniquity.

And where were all of the wahines?, at Sunday dinner? I was was told to come back later at night, especially on Fri or Sat, for the bump and grind action. BTW contrary to popular belief, F.I. is a bikini bar only, no nudity.

Well since I was there in search of Tikis rather than titties, I asked the young door lady if she knew anything about the former Kelbo's. "What do you mean elbows?" she replied. I then went into my standard 30 second Tiki sound bite. From there all I got was a more puzzled (and annoyed) response than at the Melody Bar. I felt like I was reliving the scene in "Taxi Driver" where Travis Bickle tries to make small talk with the concession stand girl at a Time Square porn theater.

Falling short on any Tiki intel, I grabbed a $6 beer at the bar and started to explore the place with the thoroughness of an LAFD building inspector. So do you want to know what's sadder than a devolved Tiki bar? It's wandering around deserted stripper pole stages with a "$16" beer in your hand while suspiciously being eyed by the management. :(

So as you might expect by now, there were absolutely NO traces of Tiki found inside the low ceiling-ed building.

After finishing my beer, I crossed F.I. off my Tiki list and walked out the door. As my gauze turned downward after looking up at the Kelbo's lighthouse, I did notice street-level stain glass windows depicting tropical birds. Remnants from Kelbo's? I would really like to think so.

So is Fantasy Island worth anyone's Tiki time? Probably not, but perhaps in some small way F.I. is carrying on the tradition of T&A inside the (former) Tiki bar...

(Left to right - Tiki Bob's, Zamboanga, Tropics)

And hey it's still better than a Wallgreens, right? :) (RIP Kahiki)

(EDITED - I noticed I used "inequity" instead of "iniquity", although you could argue it was all a Tiki injustice anyway, haha.)

[ Edited by: JOHN-O 2012-11-10 09:35 ]