Why Disneyland Sucks - Beyond Tiki

TM tiki mick Tiki Socialite SOCAL Joined: May 12, 2004 Posts: 4094	TM tiki mick Posted posted on Tue, Mar 7, 2017 4:24 PM actually, one of my suggestions may have come true. No more fantasmic gypsy camp allowed. (see my selfie bump below to see the original rant) "Parades: Once a month, not every night. I was laughing at Tom Slick's account of trying to "outrun" the parade. It rarely works. I know. I have tried! The parade is everywhere, and the employees with the safety cone lights are everywhere, and it all happens simultaneously. You only have a narrow window to make your move. Strollers: You can't bring your own. You have to rent the small, reasonably sized stroller. They will be 20 bucks, which is perfectly fair since that is just about the going rate for a babysitter. Tomorrowland: Paint it white. Haunted Mansion: Never convert it to nightmare before christmas again. Toys: Buzz lightyear toys can only be sold outside the astroblaster rides, and nowhere else in the park. Remove the vegetables in tomorrowland: Replace them with the space age ferns and philodendrons that used to be there. Donate the vegetables to a homeless shelter. Reopen rides you shut down for no real good reason, like the peoplemover and the skyway. I don't care if anyone dies on them anymore. It thins the herd, and no one needs more herd-thinning then a 70,000 member audience! Entrance gates and ride capacity: Keep all the gates open. Use the supermarket philosophy: You see more then three at a check stand, open another! New Orleans square: Fantasmic: once a month, not every night. The Woodstock-like gypsy camp that the guests set up in front of the river, HOURS before the show starts is a travesty. They need to call INS and haul all those people away for deportation. I am talking about the caucasian, American citizen guests. Haul everyone away! And take their filthy towels, carpets, mats and pillows away too! How did they smuggle that stuff in anyway? Are they the reason the security checkpoint line is so long, as they go through each article of clothing and bedding? Balloons and Churros: No more balloons allowed. The kids bring them in the lines for the rides, where they constantly bump against you. Later, when they escape from the hands of the kids, they sail high into the air and land in the cleveland national forest where a deer chokes on them and dies. The churros: My kid always asks for one, and then eats only the first 1/3. We are stuck with the rest of it. I clocked my time in one churro line, and it was 23 minutes. 23 minutes for 1/3 a churro? That's fuzzy math! The employee was going as slow as humanly possible. People were buying 10-20 churros at a time, just before the fantasmic show, and this guy was moving at a snail's pace with this sad sort of smile on his face. No more McDonalds: McDonalds is not Tiki, .....ahem, I mean not DISNEY! Jungleboat cruise: Stop the madness! The jokes are only funny if you actually have people with comic timing. "Let's see if I can translate what they are saying.......nope!" You have to put a decent pause in there, when you do that line. And clean out the microphones. I can't even understand what you are saying! Thurl Ravencroft's original recording of the ride narrrative is excellent. Why not go back to playing it straight? And the brief spurt of mist as you enter the jungle? Last time I checked, it's always raining in a real rainforest. How come only the giant spiders get wet? Soak those guests the whole time! As one poster said, the smell of Disney water is one of the few excellent things they still do. Chlorine and anti-fungul chemicals are delicious! Drop buckets on the passengers! " http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/sets/set-3/ I AM A SOCIOPATH! [ Edited by: lucas vigor 2017-03-07 16:25 ]

actually, one of my suggestions may have come true. No more fantasmic gypsy camp allowed. (see my selfie bump below to see the original rant)

"Parades: Once a month, not every night. I was laughing at Tom Slick's account of trying to "outrun" the parade. It rarely works. I know. I have tried! The parade is everywhere, and the employees with the safety cone lights are everywhere, and it all happens simultaneously. You only have a narrow window to make your move.

Strollers: You can't bring your own. You have to rent the small, reasonably sized stroller. They will be 20 bucks, which is perfectly fair since that is just about the going rate for a babysitter.

Tomorrowland: Paint it white.

Haunted Mansion: Never convert it to nightmare before christmas again.

Toys: Buzz lightyear toys can only be sold outside the astroblaster rides, and nowhere else in the park.

Remove the vegetables in tomorrowland: Replace them with the space age ferns and philodendrons that used to be there. Donate the vegetables to a homeless shelter.

Reopen rides you shut down for no real good reason, like the peoplemover and the skyway. I don't care if anyone dies on them anymore. It thins the herd, and no one needs more herd-thinning then a 70,000 member audience!

Entrance gates and ride capacity: Keep all the gates open. Use the supermarket philosophy: You see more then three at a check stand, open another!

New Orleans square: Fantasmic: once a month, not every night. The Woodstock-like gypsy camp that the guests set up in front of the river, HOURS before the show starts is a travesty. They need to call INS and haul all those people away for deportation. I am talking about the caucasian, American citizen guests. Haul everyone away! And take their filthy towels, carpets, mats and pillows away too! How did they smuggle that stuff in anyway? Are they the reason the security checkpoint line is so long, as they go through each article of clothing and bedding?

Balloons and Churros: No more balloons allowed. The kids bring them in the lines for the rides, where they constantly bump against you. Later, when they escape from the hands of the kids, they sail high into the air and land in the cleveland national forest where a deer chokes on them and dies. The churros: My kid always asks for one, and then eats only the first 1/3. We are stuck with the rest of it. I clocked my time in one churro line, and it was 23 minutes. 23 minutes for 1/3 a churro? That's fuzzy math! The employee was going as slow as humanly possible. People were buying 10-20 churros at a time, just before the fantasmic show, and this guy was moving at a snail's pace with this sad sort of smile on his face.

No more McDonalds: McDonalds is not Tiki, .....ahem, I mean not DISNEY!

Jungleboat cruise: Stop the madness! The jokes are only funny if you actually have people with comic timing. "Let's see if I can translate what they are saying.......nope!" You have to put a decent pause in there, when you do that line. And clean out the microphones. I can't even understand what you are saying! Thurl Ravencroft's original recording of the ride narrrative is excellent. Why not go back to playing it straight? And the brief spurt of mist as you enter the jungle? Last time I checked, it's always raining in a real rainforest. How come only the giant spiders get wet? Soak those guests the whole time! As one poster said, the smell of Disney water is one of the few excellent things they still do. Chlorine and anti-fungul chemicals are delicious! Drop buckets on the passengers! "

http://soundcloud.com/lucas-vigor/sets/set-3/

I AM A SOCIOPATH!

[ Edited by: lucas vigor 2017-03-07 16:25 ]

Post #773780 by tiki mick on Tue, Mar 7, 2017 4:24 PM