Post #84630 by Tiki_Bong on Mon, Apr 5, 2004 11:00 AM

***** The following is a public service announcement paid for by the A-HOLE (Americans 4 Habitually Offensive Language Elimination) Foundation *****

Hello, my name is Mr Tiki Bong. You may have noticed my absense from the board during the last few days.

It is embarrassing but necessary for me to tell you that the fact of the matter is I was rightfully convicted and sentenced for making offensive, unsubstantiated, annoying, and really, really dumb posts.

I'm also here to tell you, as part of my plea deal, that a life of making such posts is really no life at all.

During my 2 days in the e-clink, the e-slammer, the e-joint, the e-can, e-solitary confinement (allright, knock it off!), I was in pure e-hell.

I was forced to perform acts on fellow e-cellmates that no man should ever, ever have to perform, unless it's a really good party. (The only good side to doin' e-time was that I now have a new appreciation for stuck zippers.)

Anyway, my reckless deed was making an unsubstantiated, unfounded, and probably untrue post. Who the hell did I think I was, Jayson Blair of the New York Times?

My time on the e-rock also forced hardship upon myself and my family. My family was forced to endure the ridicule of the now-even-more-sullied-than-could-ever-be-imagined name of Tiki Bong. Who would have thought the once less-than-proud name of 'TIKI BONG' could sink any lower.

Little Baby Bong was forced to have her TC member name dirtied by having daddy Tiki Bong use it during his time in the e-bighouse when his member name was banned.

Baby Bong sobbed that it was just like the time daddy Tiki Bong broke into her piggy bank (freakin' kids got $193.84, well now it's $11.89) to buy Mount Gay rum when it was on sale at Trader Joe's during their "May Markdown Sale".

I am now only a burned-out shell of my former Tiki Bong self. Just like in 'One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest', when Jack Nickelson's character McMurphy undergoes the electroconvulsive therapy treatment and returns to the hospital's general population (anyone got a pillow).

I hope you can save yourself from the grief and personal destruction that the posting of asinine messages and subsequent punishment can cause.

Just say "No" (or at least possibly a strong "more than likely, not at this particular moment").

I do hereby and at this time appologize to Kahukini and/or Al_Malihai (or whatever the LA Shriner name is again (?)).

I hope my irresponsible post did not cause you any undue stress or loss of consortium.

If we ever meet face to face, I will cast my gaze downward in deference and embarrasement, and I'll let you paddle my bare ass with a fried bratwurst (no mustard!).

Sincerely,

Your friend - Mr Tiki Bong.

Thank you and good night or good day depending on when you read this public service announcement.

"I'm ashamed to be here, but not too ashamed to leave..."

Celebrate 'International Tiki Day' the second Saturday in August - hau'oli la tiki!

[ Edited by: Tiki_Bong on 2004-04-05 11:24 ]