"Mai Tai in a blender" (and other tiki nightmares) - General Tiki

F Formikahini Tiki Socialite Houston, Texotica Joined: Aug 22, 2002 Posts: 1515	F Formikahini Posted posted on Thu, Jun 24, 2004 11:10 PM It’s true. There I was last week, strolling along the River Walk in downtown San Antonio, when....I see it. An outside menu with tiki mugs, offering drinks with the name Fogcutter, Planter’s Punch, and, yes, Mai Tai. Eureka! I had found SOMEthing other than margaritas (which I love, mind you). I scramble up the steps into Hunan River Garden, a generic-looking Chinese restaurant. “Do - do you serve these drinks? Out, out of these mugs?!” I stammer in my excitement. The middle-aged Chinese woman assures me that yes, “We have that one [meaning the mug], and that one, no that one, no that one, “ etc. I ask for the standard – the standard by which I measure a tiki bar: Mai Tai. I settle into my table back outside, fingering the fake bamboo chairs in approval. I look out over the gentle waves in the water (and the bigger waves of whitebread tourists), near drooling with anticipation of the cloudy red-brown yumminess I’m about to be served. And then she comes with my drink. It’s white. It’s whipped. It looks like a banana milkshake. “Um, excuse me. I ordered a Mai Tai.” “Yes, this Mai Tai.” “But........it’s white. Is that milk?” “No, no milk. It’s Mai Tai.” I go inside and try not to have an argument with the bartender, aka the same middle aged woman who told me they served in the mugs. “But it’s an international drink! It’s a standard recipe! Is yours the normal recipe?” “It our special recipe – we make it here!” After some clarification (ok, I was getting near-irate), I get a Fogcutter. But I had to specify: do NOT put it in a blender. Yes, a blender. “We put all our drinks in blender. We sell lotta Mai Tais. Very popular drink.” I did finally sniff the milkshake-looking concoction, and indeed, it did smell like a Mai Tai. Maybe I shoulda tried it. But I just couldn’t, you know? Could you drink a blended rum and Coke? A blended Scotch on the rocks? A blended martini? To end on a positive note, my Fogcutter (which did taste as I remember Fogcutters are supposed to taste) got me quite buzzed. Yeah, it was on an empty stomach and I’m kinda a lightweight, but it only took one – I had to walk around for another hour before I drove back to the dorms. (Who was it on here who had little pocket sized tiki drink recipes? I would have given my eyeteeth for one at that bar.......)

It’s true.

There I was last week, strolling along the River Walk in downtown San Antonio, when....I see it. An outside menu with tiki mugs, offering drinks with the name Fogcutter, Planter’s Punch, and, yes, Mai Tai. Eureka! I had found SOMEthing other than margaritas (which I love, mind you).

I scramble up the steps into Hunan River Garden, a generic-looking Chinese restaurant. “Do - do you serve these drinks? Out, out of these mugs?!” I stammer in my excitement. The middle-aged Chinese woman assures me that yes, “We have that one [meaning the mug], and that one, no that one, no that one, “ etc. I ask for the standard – the standard by which I measure a tiki bar: Mai Tai.

I settle into my table back outside, fingering the fake bamboo chairs in approval. I look out over the gentle waves in the water (and the bigger waves of whitebread tourists), near drooling with anticipation of the cloudy red-brown yumminess I’m about to be served.

And then she comes with my drink.

It’s white.

It’s whipped.

It looks like a banana milkshake.

“Um, excuse me. I ordered a Mai Tai.”

“Yes, this Mai Tai.”

“But........it’s white. Is that milk?”

“No, no milk. It’s Mai Tai.”

I go inside and try not to have an argument with the bartender, aka the same middle aged woman who told me they served in the mugs. “But it’s an international drink! It’s a standard recipe! Is yours the normal recipe?”
“It our special recipe – we make it here!”
After some clarification (ok, I was getting near-irate), I get a Fogcutter. But I had to specify: do NOT put it in a blender.

Yes, a blender. “We put all our drinks in blender. We sell lotta Mai Tais. Very popular drink.”

I did finally sniff the milkshake-looking concoction, and indeed, it did smell like a Mai Tai. Maybe I shoulda tried it. But I just couldn’t, you know? Could you drink a blended rum and Coke? A blended Scotch on the rocks? A blended martini?

To end on a positive note, my Fogcutter (which did taste as I remember Fogcutters are supposed to taste) got me quite buzzed. Yeah, it was on an empty stomach and I’m kinda a lightweight, but it only took one – I had to walk around for another hour before I drove back to the dorms.

(Who was it on here who had little pocket sized tiki drink recipes? I would have given my eyeteeth for one at that bar.......)

Post #98321 by Formikahini on Thu, Jun 24, 2004 11:10 PM