what are the funniest expressions you've heard?

colloquialisms, from other places, times, other races, and mis-interpretations of language can all be hilarious.
e.g.:
"Junk in da Trunk"...nice ass
"Sky Pilot"... 1870's term for minister
"Dirt Nap" ...'30s for dead
"Buzzworm" Cowboy talk for rattlesnake
"Sleeping Policeman" Aussie for speed bump
"Hickory Dickery"...Cockney for clock>dial> face

What are some faves. Do you use them often?

"Door Whore" -- restaurant slang for "hostess""Big Chicken Dinner" -- Military slang for "Bad Conduct Discharge" (2nd worst discharge after "Dishonorable")"Irving, the Explainer" -- screenwriter slang for a character that states bald exposition

"Button" -- TV writer slang for the ending of a scene, as in "they couldn't find a way to button it" or "they hit the button."

"Shoe" -- Naval Aviator slang for a naval officer who only "drives" ships (as opposed to planes).

"FACIT OPS" -- military slang for "F--- Around, Call it Training."

"Jody" -- This is the man who is having sex with your wife or girlfriend while you're in prison.

What a great thread! Rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic-just like the atheist in his coffin,all dressed up with nowhere to go-let me think of some of my other faves-the Bears just sucked it bigtime,so the first glass of Chardannay is making me a little slow.Plus that,I'm cooking country ribs for dinner.I'll be back.

"Mississippi Mudflap" - a mullet

"Stadium Steak" - a hotdog

"Rice Rocket" - a fast, little Japanese car

"Mud Bug" - a crayfish or crawdad

"Sancho" - the guy that's doin' your wife while you're away

"Trailer Queen" - a show car that never gets driven, only hauled around on a trailer.

"Sorehead" - an angry, vindictive guy with a short fuse and a long memory.

"Step on it" - let's hurry up

"Scram" - beat it, take off, get outta here

Snacktician - a (boat) crew member with no job. Usually employed as a beer/food fetcher.

Pit Bitch - Same as above.

Crab Cop - State Police/Natural Resources Police on the water.

Bow Bunny - A (usually) attractive, bikini clad woman on a racing boat with no apparent function other than to sit on the bow and distract other crews during starts.

I never told people my Mom did jail time, I told them she was a "Guest of the State."
Also, my dad called his 2 tours of Viet Nam "Touring the Orient"

"We got us a Walt Disney" quote from Bruce Almighty when Jim Carrey froze on camera

"Holding Kyrptonite" a person who bores you senseless and you're powerless to tell them to shut the hell up.

"Dim Bulb" or "10 Watter" is someone who isn't the brightest...

"Thinnin' the herd" is when one hunter accidentally shoots another

"trollin' for skank" a person cruisin' the bar for the closin' time hook up. often wearing "beer goggles"

hey, this is kind of fun!

[ Edited by: stuff-o-rama on 2004-09-13 01:26 ]

I was thinking up some of mine, and all I could think of were the one's I hate which are overused...nice companion to this topic

Metrosexual

Re-Inventing themselves

Wellness

Athletisiciam

In Da House

makes me grouchy just listing them

"It's hotter than two rats fuckin' in a wool sock!"

On 2004-09-13 08:24, Gigantalope wrote:
I was thinking up some of mine, and all I could think of were the one's I hate which are overused...nice companion to this topic

Metrosexual

Re-Inventing themselves

Wellness

Athletisiciam

In Da House

makes me grouchy just listing them

Or, how 'bout...

What's the bottom line.

Reality check.

Cut to the chase.

Relationship Manager (these are the A-holes who get to 'splain to you why the interest rate on your credit card was raised to 99% even though you've never been late or missed a payment. FYI, all CC's are now issued with the clause that the default rate will apply if upon review, they feel you may potentially have issues by with being overextended)

...to really make you puke!

:o

Hornier than a 3-balled tomcat

-Z

I'm so thirsty I could suck the guts out of a low flying emu! - to be thirsty

I'm outta here like a robbers dog - to leave quickly

I'm flat out like a lizard drinking - to be busy (I think?)

Busy as a one-armed paper hanger.

Busy as a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest.

'Widjadidja' As in: "You remembered to bring the plunger widjadidja?"

On 2004-09-12 18:29, Shipwreckjoey wrote:
"Mississippi Mudflap" - a mullet

Also "Ape Drape," "Hockey Hair" ('cause so many NHL players suffer from it),or "Business up front, Party in the back."

"Stadium Steak" - a hotdog

Also "Tube Steak." Of course "Hot Dog" is based on the rumour that dog meat was used in the Franks served in the Polo Grounds in NYC. And the use of the name "Frankfurter" or "Weiner" depends on whether you think they were invented in Frankfurt or Vienna (Wien in German).

"Rice Rocket" - a fast, little Japanese car

Also used for a fast Japanese Motorcycle, along with "Crotch Rocket." How about "Milwaukee Vibrator" for a Harley, especially a Sportster.

An expression equal to Oh Sh*t!
"Crap on a crap flavored cracker."

Pertaining to a certain portion of the female anatomy. My wifes best friend came up with this one. don't blame me...
"Dust ruffle"

"Finer then a frogs hair split three ways"

Don't get any finer then that

Trustar

both meaning "to leave"...

I'm off like a prom dress

let's make like a fetus and head out

-Z

"dumber than a bag of hair" - from some really bad movie

"one hamburger short of a Happy Meal" - someone who is not quite all there, mentally

"all saddle and no horse" - a person that is all talk

"if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck..." - when someone is denying that they are as they appear

"I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's" - from "the Simpsons"

Car bumper sticker: "Horn broke, watch for finger"

and...

when talking about something you would rather not do:
"I would rather soak my shirt in gasoline and walk through hell than do (blank)"

and one more for the road...

"If the slipper fits...drink from it!!"

[ Edited by: donhonyc on 2004-09-13 12:48 ]

"Achey Breakey Big Mistakey" - the mullet.

"Kentucky Waterfall" - the mullet, again.

"Off like a pack of mad turtles" - leaving for a unpleasant destination, or tired exit.

"More nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

My dad commonly used the last one. I always wondered who would have so many rocking chairs, and if there were horrible tail vs. chair incidients that led to the particular cat being described as "long-tailed."

Cougar: "lady" around her mid 40s trying to pick up younger guys

Puma: as above, but in her mid 30s

camel toe or moose knuckle: when the ladies like the aforementioned ones wear pants hiked up waay too high and they get 'wedgies' in the um.. front

beaver tails: old lady boobs.

My 2 favorite mullet nicknames:
The Whorehouse Cut
The Tennessee Tophat

[ Edited by: Turbogod on 2004-09-14 04:25 ]

I'm hungry enough to eat the south end of a skunk headed north

Police say, "Subject is very ALPHA HENRY" (person is a ass hole)

I still look at women, I just can't remember why!

Faster than a bat outta hell

goes like stripped assed monkey

Dumb as a sack of hammers

If my dog looked like you, I'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards

[ Edited by: bananabobs on 2004-09-13 22:47 ]

"Jesus Creeping Shit!"

from Hunter S. Thompson

He/She fell out of the Ugly Tree an' hit every branch on the way down. - self explanitory

Spice boat - a cruising boat

Katy bar the door - lookout! (where'd that come from?)

Let's jet - a suggestion to leave quickly

Don't die on a small cross - make sure it's worth fighting for considering the possible/likely repercussions.

Cookie duster - mustache

[ Edited by: foamy on 2004-09-14 12:04 ]

"He's the kind of guy who would fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb".

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."

"People tell me that you're two faced, but I don't believe them; if you had two faces, why would you be wearing THAT one!"

On 2004-09-13 08:24, Gigantalope wrote:
I was thinking up some of mine, and all I could think of were the one's I hate which are overused...nice companion to this topic

Metrosexual

Re-Inventing themselves

Wellness

Athletisiciam

In Da House

makes me grouchy just listing them

This inspired me to start a new thread of Expressions we'd like to see retired.

http://www.tikicentral.com/viewtopic.php?topic=10896&forum=6&

Just heard this today for the first time on the radio traffic report: There's a "CAR-BECUE" goin' on I-70 Westbound. (car on fire) Guess we just have BAR-B-QUE on the brain here in Kansas City!

just a couple,

her mouth runs like a gooses ass

like a goat rodeo = a througholy f'ed up situation

Heard on "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy"-fella was getting his back hair waxed and one of the show's hosts said "He's getting manscaped".Pretty silly.

Y dad used to say about a bad smell:

X smells so bad, it could 'Knock a buzzard off a shitwagon!'

Phish Fans being referred to as "Trustifarians"

God made him as ugly as he could, and then kicked him in the face - traditional

She was so tall it took two men and a boy to look at her - from H. Allen Smith

Stand outside the barbershop and sniff the customers as they come out - ibid, on what to do in a small town

[ Edited by: DaneTiki 2009-08-30 19:00 ]

Dryer than a popcorn fart

He could break a bowling ball with a marshmellow hammer

This old cowboy I used to work with had hundreds.

Mark

"Slippery than a goose turd on the pump handle."
-Unknown

Let make like an exorcist and get the hell out of here.
-unknown

"That boy is abot as sharp as a bowling ball."
-Foghorn Leghorn

Dont go away mad, Just go away.
-Unknown

Chongolio