Craigslist Wonders

Craigslist is chock full of unintentional laughs. Strange objects, overpriced junk, weird listings, bad art, and crackpots galore.

There's probably several websites dedicated to the wonders of Craigslist but so what? Just like nothing else is Silly Putty® no other websites are Bilge.

From Seattle Craigslist, posted 4/10/2010 in Gigs
In Need Of Scribe (Cap Hill)

Group of 4 self-proclaimed "think tanks" who are going to be brainstorming drunk for the better part of today and tonight. We develop great ideas for movies, characters, theories, and products. Unfortunately, the next day, we usually can't remember what were were talking about. Thats where you come in. We pretty much just need you to transcribe anything we tell you to transcribe. WE SUPPLY PEN AND PAPER. We will pay hourly rate of $12/hr plus one meal of food and one beverage per hour. This is no joke, serious inquiries need only apply. HS diploma is the only requirement we seek, well that and being able to write quickly. Give me a call. Adam 206 XXX XXXX.

1. A "think tank" is described as a “group” so this "Group of 4 self-proclaimed 'think tanks' " might be a group of four groups.

2. Their genius cannot be doubted as part of the payment for the gig is "one meal of food." That's brilliant! Meals made of food...Why have I never thought of that? From this day forward there will be no more meals of rocks or mismatched socks for me, I will enjoy meals of food!

3. My buddy Sparky pointed out that this group can't be all that bright or creative if they didn't think to just acquire some sort of recording device which they could turn on once the “great ideas” begin to flow. (Bonus feature of that idea: The recording device would not require a meal of food.)

4. If you’re drinking so much that you can't recall what you were talking about there's a very good chance that the "great ideas" you came up with will only seem great to someone who is completely plastered.

5. If you’re drinking so much that you can't recall what you were talking about you should probably do some thinking about your drinking.

More Craigslist hilarity:

http://yousuckatcraigslist.com/

..you're welcome.

"drunk brainstorming"

Wasn't that a "That 70s Show" episode where they got stoned and recorded all their genius ideas?

Also intriguing: This person has been trying to sell these items for six months or more.

*Choice:Tough Cowboy or Brass BearsIntriguing...

Isn't he so cute?! Even has his spurs all ajingle! He is 6 1/2" tall. I sat him in front of a mirror on my mantel for awhile. He drawed a lot of attention and comments. Wall brass bear pair is 6.5" and 4.75". More intriguing than a flat picture. Both for $25.--. Email for time and directions. Smoke/pet free home. Clearing out the china closet in hopes of selling my property soon. {I will revise or delete this posting when item is sold.}

From a description of a painting:

"This kind of art is not exactly impressionistic, but not really realism, either. The cowboys don't have well-defined faces, and neither do the horses. It's a great camp scene, best observed further away than up close."

*He was only one man but he trimmed the West down to size a lawn at a time. He was...

A Cowboy With a Mower

Featuring Dusty Toro "The Lawnmowin' Cowboy" in his film debut!*

A cowboy with a mower - $50 (Snohomish Eastside)

*Howdy. I'm just a cowboy with a mower willing to do anyones yard, farm, ranch, etc for $50. Weed pulling, barking, pruning, trimming, and general ranch and yard clean up are my specialties! Please call me at 425 XXX XXXX or email me here.

Thank you,

Dusty*

Cursed Tiki

Date: 2010-05-11, 7:13PM PDT

Hand carved, cursed tiki. I found this while working in a wrecking yard. I pulled it out of a severly wrecked car that people definitly died in. Ever since i brought it home everyone in my house has had crazy bad luck. This thing is definitly cursed. My life is a total mess now thanks to this thing. So if u want bad luck or want to mess up someone elses life this is the item for you. I dont know how to put a price on the incredible bad luck this can bring so best offer gets it. I will not be held responsible for what happens to you after you obtain it. So use with caution.

Tiki God - $250 (Ellensburg, WA)
Date: 2010-05-10, 11:36PM PDT

*Tiki God purchased in Maui. About 2 -1/2 ft tall, super cool.

Asking $250.00
In Seattle M-F, will bring if you want to see in person.

Call - (509)-------- or (206) -------- or come by this Saturday and see it along with lots of other items! *

On 2010-05-12 20:25, woofmutt wrote:
Cursed Tiki

Date: 2010-05-11, 7:13PM PDT

Hand carved, cursed tiki. I found this while working in a wrecking yard. I pulled it out of a severly wrecked car that people definitly died in. Ever since i brought it home everyone in my house has had crazy bad luck. This thing is definitly cursed. My life is a total mess now thanks to this thing. So if u want bad luck or want to mess up someone elses life this is the item for you. I dont know how to put a price on the incredible bad luck this can bring so best offer gets it. I will not be held responsible for what happens to you after you obtain it. So use with caution.

Just saw this today and wondered if you had seen it yet Woofy! I was wondering how the guy knows that someone DEFINTATELY died in that wrecked up car!

Posted May 21 in Event Gigs. No information, just this headline:

**Needed Japanese and English Seapker **

I have a feeling this person is gonna be a roaring success!

Posted in Gigs (Pay)

ARE YOU A WRITER (Seattle Area)

Date: 2010-06-04, 3:42PM PDT

*I need 1 or more writers to help with an online magazine base on the GLBT community and history as far back as the first person in this area.

This is a starting position any writers will need to under stand until this magazine sell ad space the funding to pay writers does not exist.
Once the first 1 to 2 issuses are mock up ad space and funding can be found to pay for articles and the likes.
If you want to try out and build you portfolio email an essay or article on how and why you could do this.........thank you*

WANTED: Artist (Anywhere)

Date: 2010-06-04, 12:58PM PDT

Can you do a style similar to the the pictures below? I have 100 bucks cash.

They also have a cathedral ceiling they'd like painted. For that they pay a thousand bucks. Cash.

A few years ago I did a concept illustration of Washington Crossing The Delaware for an ad campaign. Maybe they need it with Fiber 1 Bars? Mind you, I was paid more than $100, and that was just for the rough:)

this is a brand new backyard safari tiki takeout bird feeder, this is so cool one way glass you can see birds but they cant see you tikiman alerts you when birds come to feed motion sensor plus more great gift perfect for the hard to buy fathers day call or email 253-579-9770 thanks retails for $29.99

•Location: lakewood/tacoma
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I wish I had started my Rent-A-Frog business.

Need amphibian talent! (Prefer south king or pierce)
Posted in Gigs Date: 2010-06-07

I need some amphibian talent: frogs, salamanders and newts. I am filming a promo on frog and salamander habitat and need the human talent to look at a real frog/salamander, hold it, etc. Exotic species preferred..this is for protecting the species, so examples of rare species would be great! In one scene, a frog will be stationary on some reeds and will have to hop out of camera and another they might be in a marsh or near a pond. As the owner, you are very welcome on set and we believe this will take about a half day. We can pay your talented pet $25.00 and you will be credited. We expect to film in the next 3 weeks in the south Sound area. Also looking for a bullfrog, but they will be filmed separately..we can come to your house.
Thanks in advance! *

I have a bullfrog in the canal next to my house, send them over - I could use 25 bucks (They have to catch him)

I live currently in Bangkok and spotted this in the Craiglist furniture section..

4 Large solid wood tables. Could be used for restaurant, home or office use.

2700 baht each. Neg

Come and take a look or call me for further details.. Yes, I may give a JUICY DISCOUNT if you are nice to me. Can arrange for delivery in Bangkok.

I can speak Thai and English.

Call Me...

Candy - xxxxx - xxxx

http://bangkok.craigslist.co.th/fuo/1784533103.html

Is large solid wooden tables secret code for something?

Well there's anew approach to one of the world's oldest professions...Furniture sales.

TIKI BAR Witco Wood WALL ART 1960s Vintage - $50 (west seattle)

Date: 2010-06-11, 6:41PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

OLD 1960s Tiki Bar wall art.... by WITCO..

about 4 foot long..! wood ships and velvet background.

$50. fair price.

A fair price?

Is this a real Witco? If so - who painted it silver?! Did Witco put his work on goldenrod velvet?!

JUST SPOTTED ON SEATTLE CRAIGSLIST
Free 5 gallon bucket of Dairrhea great for fertalizer. Already flagged for removal darn.

An Interesting Proposition for the right Person (San Diego City and North San Diego)

Date: 2010-06-18, 7:16PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected]

I am looking for a single man (or very open minded couple) who has some extra space in his home for a gorgeous woman to occupy. I travel back and forth to the middle east and have found my self in a jam from now until July 6th. I have a place to stay, but it is not ideal. In excange for your kindness and hospitality, I will share mine :wink:. I'm sure a beautiful friendship will arise. I am highly educated holding a Juris Doctor, M.B.A., and M.A. in human resource management. I am cultured, world traveled and talented in many arenas, especially eroticism. I have a special service dog who was already cerfified as such when she was givnen to me seven years agao. She is at my side almost all the time. Hope to hear from you soon!

Location: San Diego City and North San Diego

:music: *Psycho Killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est?
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa better
Run run run run run run run away * :music:

You KNOW some guy is gonna want that!

Whoa...man the poor slob with be found dead with the dog eating his corpse an empty wallet and missing credit cards. Creepy, can you imagine if a guy placed an ad like that!

We had an incident a while back with a "service" dog at the hospital where I work- a visitor showed up with a mangey mongrel and said it was a "service" dog. According to the Americans with Disabilities Act, you have to accept that as fact - no special tags or proof are required, nor is the owner required to be disabled!!!

OK, back to the Craig's List Wonders track :)

It's a true fact - my sister's dog is considered a service dog and she brought it into a coffee shop with her and the barista stormed over and told her to get the dog out of there and my sister just told her the ADA allows her to be there (she doesn't NEED a service dog but she got the dog registered as one anyhow). Just think how many people are "smuggling" their little ankle biters in purses and backpacks!

Gay Pride Costume - $200 (Eastlake)

Date: 2010-06-20, 5:41PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

Hey there fancy pants! I have a hand made Tiki God Costume complete with "operational" phallus that we originally made for the Fremont Solstice Parade This is a two piece costume, the head piece fits on your shoulders and goes above your head. The "skirt" attaches to your shoulders. The penis has a handle control so you can go erect or flaccid depending on your mood it is also hollow with an opening at the head which means you could... well use your imagination.

Price is $200 and may be negotiable.

Thanks!
-C

Now THAT'S a freaky Tiki !!!!!

What a clever craftsperson...

The Fremont Solstice Parade is one of Seattle's annual hippie freak fests in a section of town which used to be pleasantly original and now is kinda irritatingly charming (and the goofy stuff can seem forced).

The parade is most famous for the naked bicyclists (how crazy!!!) who are allowed to go bare as long as they're covered in body paint. (Thank you Powers That Be for shielding us from the intolerable horror of barely discernible nether regions and bouncing boobies!)

So this clever crafter person made a costume that would be appropriate for a solstice parade in Fremont and might have marketability for the pride parade (or "the gay parade" as the 73 year old landlady calls it) which happens sometime later this month.

I guess they must actually dress up for the parade, I always just assumed it was flatbeds full of choirs, convertibles with local elected officials, a drag queen or two, a bunch of boring people waving and throwing candy, and several dozen guys and gals on motorcycles wearing chaps without pants. (I've never gone because it's never appealed to me and my girlfriend usually goes with her other lover, Sherry, and I don't want to be accused again of "spying" on her. Also I didn't know there might be a Tiki element to the parade.)

Posted 2010-06-20, 5:30PM PDT

cute tiki pitcher - $20

hawaiian tiki pitcher, great for a party! i got it for my daughter for her 16th b-day party but she changed her theme, so it has never been used.

I bet she changed her theme after you came home with this pitcher.

Posted 2010-07-01

framers wanted (greater seattle)

Emediat opening for expierianced people in residential custom framing new and residntial.Must be drug free,have own hand tools and reliable transportatian.Hardworking on time and do cleen work .New construction and remodel.reliable transportain required.

Did you spot the mistake? There's an extra space after the word "work" and the period at the end of the sentence!

It may seem trivial but little mistakes like this can send the wrong message to potential employees. That extra space says "We're a sloppy company that doesn't pay attention to details and we're not a good place to work!"

I spotted it Emediately.

I got to thinking that maybe he really wanted to hire FARMERS. And what's the difference between new and residntl construction? Wow - you looking for a job Woof?!

Just a headline. Unfortunately this ad was not about interspecies sword fighting.

Cow & Chicken Fencing Desperately Needed!

Posted 2010-07-05, 11:46AM PDT

Fine woman needs housing arrangement ASAP!! (92103)
Date: 2010-07-08, 2:36PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected]
I have brown eyes and light blonde hair, 112 lbs, very curvy and sexy. People describe me as intelligent, pretty, gorgeous, very sexy, nice, and a genuine person. Right now I live in downtown San Diego near Little Italy and the SD airport, but I am originally from Orange County. I would like to stay in the Little Italy /downtown area..

I am looking for a place to live ASAP and am willing to consider all arrangements.. I believe in the law of attraction, and bringing good things into my life.. my ex boyfriend moved out and I cannot pay rent or the cost to move or a deposit. Make me an offer and we'll see where this takes us!! I am one in a million and a great person, integrity, competent, just need a nice place to live and my own bath... what do you think? Make me an offer! :)

She wants her own bathroom? :up: - no way! :lol:

I want to know why Buzzy is looking in the "Will Trade Sex for Rent" section of CraigsList?

uh ....Buzzy
you know....you could use someone to strip logs and clean up the back carving area......
.....think of all the carving time you would have......

[ Edited by: closettiki 2010-07-08 21:36 ]

Ok, so here's one for the ladies:

"lookin for housing in xchange for? (north county coastal)

Date: 2010-07-09, 2:57PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected]
Hi there.
Im currently looking for a room or house to watch or something of that nature...
I have various different skills that I can offer in return for the housing.
I know different kinds of construction and handyman things and also I am very good with gardens.
I am also 6'4" 200 lbs. in decent shape because I like to surf and can handle myself so
I could also act as your personal security or bodygaurd...
**This would be the perfect situation for a single mother or divorcee who needs and wants a man around
to handle all the "man duties" and maybe give you a little extra attention as well.... :) **
well, hope to talk soon... thanks...
Ryan "

I think those two attended the same "modeling" school - look at those pouty lips - like they just sucked on a lemon! Creepy!

Translation; I am an unemployed surfer and would like to crash on your couch. If you are good looking or I am drunk, maybe I can get lucky too - that would be radical!

Like it when someone tells you what to do and doesn't joke around? Here's a yard sale for you!

posted 2010-07-10

WARNING-ALL MUST GO !!!

ALL MUST GO !
NO REASONABLE OFFER REFUSED!
OLD AND NEW STUFF
FURNITURE TO TOYS TO GLASS THINGS AND OLD CHINA AND EVEN CLOTHES AND NINTENDOS
EVEN ODD THINGS I DO NOT KNOW
YOU WON'T JUST DRIVE BY ... YOU WILL STOP!
CASH ONLY AND DEALS TO BE MADE
DO NOT WANT TO RE PACK EVERYTHING
10 AM TILL I AM TIRED.
SAT & SUN
JULY 10TH AND 11TH
WE DID THIS LAST YEAR AND HAD NO COMPLAINTS
COME ON BY YOU WILL BE AMAZED AT ALL THE STUFF!
THIS IS NO JOKE*

I feel compelled to go garage saling today. Must...attend...garage sale...must...attend...!

This guy has been posting these for a while now, check his prices.

Orville Wright Magazine MUST SELL! Taking offers. (Del Mar)

Doubt this is legit? Email me, ask for pics, documentation of authenticity! Anything!

I have two (2) magazines from the private library of Orville Wright. These once belonged to Orville Wright. No joke, and I have documentation proving it and showing their authenticity. Now whether you are a regular collector of antique, collectable, valuables, or whether you are a pilot, aviation enthusiast, just need artwork for decoration, or really anything else, these magazines are sure to bring a few complements to you, they sure do for me. Every time I show someone these magazines, they are so shocked that I have these and they are shocked they once belonged to one of the founders of aviation as we know it today. They are both from 1911, they are 99 years old! Still in great shape, you can still read the text (for the parts I looked at). I am VERY motivated so sell, so please buy ASAP! I really badly need the cash!! I will send pictures of the magazine (they look the same pretty much) and the documentation of authenticity upon request. Please email me at the anonymous email above.

Anyway, I am asking $13,800,000.00, unless you want to offer more. for one of them and I am asking $258,000.00 for the other. I expect and need them to sell super quick. Here are the terms: LOCAL CASH sales only, No trades (that includes tattoos). Serious inquires only.
I NEED THESE BOTH SOLD BY THE END OF THE MONTH! I am desperate for the cash!!!!!
Thanks for viewing my ad everyone!

hit counter

If someone needed "artwork for decoration" $ 13,800,000.00 would be a pretty good deal as most artwork for decoration goes for at least a hundred bucks more than that.

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/art/1847259764.html

Here's the ad from the above link.

Posted 2010-07-16
Wooden Carvings

These are wooden (tiki head) carvings inspired by trips to hawaii.
Many of them or made from drift wood. Some people use the thicker wood to use as the legs on benches or even an out door table.
Asking price ranges between $40-50, but will to hear your offer or make a deal with you!!
I would love for you to come take a look at them!
They are great as garden decor as well!