***** The following is a public service announcement paid for by the A-HOLE (Americans 4 Habitually Offensive Language Elimination) Foundation *****

Hello, my name is Mr Tiki Bong. You may have noticed my absense from the board during the last few days.

It is embarrassing but necessary for me to tell you that the fact of the matter is I was rightfully convicted and sentenced for making offensive, unsubstantiated, annoying, and really, really dumb posts.

I'm also here to tell you, as part of my plea deal, that a life of making such posts is really no life at all.

During my 2 days in the e-clink, the e-slammer, the e-joint, the e-can, e-solitary confinement (allright, knock it off!), I was in pure e-hell.

I was forced to perform acts on fellow e-cellmates that no man should ever, ever have to perform, unless it's a really good party. (The only good side to doin' e-time was that I now have a new appreciation for stuck zippers.)

Anyway, my reckless deed was making an unsubstantiated, unfounded, and probably untrue post. Who the hell did I think I was, Jayson Blair of the New York Times?

My time on the e-rock also forced hardship upon myself and my family. My family was forced to endure the ridicule of the now-even-more-sullied-than-could-ever-be-imagined name of Tiki Bong. Who would have thought the once less-than-proud name of 'TIKI BONG' could sink any lower.

Little Baby Bong was forced to have her TC member name dirtied by having daddy Tiki Bong use it during his time in the e-bighouse when his member name was banned.

Baby Bong sobbed that it was just like the time daddy Tiki Bong broke into her piggy bank (freakin' kids got $193.84, well now it's $11.89) to buy Mount Gay rum when it was on sale at Trader Joe's during their "May Markdown Sale".

I am now only a burned-out shell of my former Tiki Bong self. Just like in 'One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest', when Jack Nickelson's character McMurphy undergoes the electroconvulsive therapy treatment and returns to the hospital's general population (anyone got a pillow).

I hope you can save yourself from the grief and personal destruction that the posting of asinine messages and subsequent punishment can cause.

Just say "No" (or at least possibly a strong "more than likely, not at this particular moment").

I do hereby and at this time appologize to Kahukini and/or Al_Malihai (or whatever the LA Shriner name is again (?)).

I hope my irresponsible post did not cause you any undue stress or loss of consortium.

If we ever meet face to face, I will cast my gaze downward in deference and embarrasement, and I'll let you paddle my bare ass with a fried bratwurst (no mustard!).

Sincerely,

Your friend - Mr Tiki Bong.

Thank you and good night or good day depending on when you read this public service announcement.

"I'm ashamed to be here, but not too ashamed to leave..."

Celebrate 'International Tiki Day' the second Saturday in August - hau'oli la tiki!

[ Edited by: Tiki_Bong on 2004-04-05 11:24 ]

Spoken like a gentleman....let's buy this man a drink!!!

(PS, turns out Al Malaikha was actually Shirley, our UKE player!!!! ha ha!)

Someone give Bong (un)diplomatic immunity!

Trader Woody

Oh hell, what a relief! I was going to try and buy your freedom with a tiki . I just didn't want to scare the hell out of Hanford. Remember Hanford those uncomfortable moments of silence in our two conversations. Well, that was the BRIBE on the tip of my tongue. Bong I'm glad you are back! Really! Now get off the floor and go wash you face dear.

Bong was a little busy, so he asked me if I could post some photos that he took during his "vacation".

On 2004-04-05 11:00, Tiki_Bong wrote:

(The only good side to doin' e-time was that I now have a new appreciation for stuck zippers.)

OUCH!!! That must have hurt!!!

arrrrrr!!!

Welcome Back Bong. Dont be too hard on yourself. Say can you still vote or hold public office? Did you get any new tattoos? Do you have to register with the local authorities now?

Bong - think of it as a character building experience.

About goddamn time you got popped ya' freak!!!!. Ever since the post police got issued weapons, I have been observing a little "selective justice" and was wondering how in the hell a guy with a mouth(keyboard) like yours can survive without a spanking. I guess no matter how long you have been around, they are gunna git ya eventually!!. I am looking forward to your politically correct posts in the future. Peace. TWT

On 2004-04-06 09:39, twowheelin'tiki wrote:
About goddamn time you got popped ya' freak!!!!. Ever since the post police got issued weapons, I have been observing a little "selective justice" and was wondering how in the hell a guy with a mouth(keyboard) like yours can survive without a spanking. I guess no matter how long you have been around, they are gunna git ya eventually!!. I am looking forward to your politically correct posts in the future. Peace. TWT

TWT,

Let me let you in on a little secret everyone else seemed to get - this was a gag!

Two Wheelin':

Recently I've been moderating people privately so as to make as little fuss about it as possible. This was partially due to the tangle you and I got into.

The end result is a lot of people get warnings from me, or get (temporarily) banned from TC to cool down, without the rest of TC ever knowing it happened. Even when a topic is locked, I don't typically announce who (if anyone) got banned. If Bong had not posted this, you wouldn't have never known it had happened.

Still, what appears to be selective enforcement can occur if no one signals to me that a topic or post or member needs moderating of some kind. I don't even come close to reading every single TC post, so I rely on other members to let me know if there's something going down. The U-Moderate feature has been a real help with this.

~Hanford

A gag you say?, were you trolling for responses?, oh dear me!, we can not allow this kind of thing to happen!.I feel so violated....so ashamed...It will just make it better when ya do get spanked.....Freak!!.Peace and Love TWT

I't s amazing how someone can say "peace and love" and then in the same breath call someone a "freak"!!!

Very cool!!

And what's the obssesion with the word "spank"??

Maybe you need training wheeels, bro! Two don't seem to be doing the trick for ya!!

On 2004-04-07 08:09, tiki mick wrote:
I't s amazing how someone can say "peace and love" and then in the same breath call someone a "freak"!!!

Mick,

Twowheeler is nothing, and I do mean nothing, to be concerned with.

I guess what irks me about it is that you aplogized...you stepped up and admitted you were being bad....but this person won't let it go..has to still get his (or her) digs in at you...

Don't really matter anyway, you are the greatest slide/steel guitar player out there...keep on twangin' bro..you rule!!!

Anyway!!!!!!!

Mick,

If and when Twowheeler is at a TC gig, you'll soon understand...

On 2004-04-06 11:40, Tiki_Bong wrote:

Let me let you in on a little secret everyone else seemed to get - this was a gag!

Not the kind of gag we were thinking of.
Al

On 2004-04-07 13:04, Al_Malaikah wrote:

On 2004-04-06 11:40, Tiki_Bong wrote:

Let me let you in on a little secret everyone else seemed to get - this was a gag!

Not the kind of gag we were thinking of.
Al

Al, Al, Al, I'm just not feeling the love. Would you like to feel the love?

On 2004-04-07 13:04, Al_Malaikah wrote:

On 2004-04-06 11:40, Tiki_Bong wrote:

Let me let you in on a little secret everyone else seemed to get - this was a gag!

Not the kind of gag we were thinking of.
Al

To tell the truth, even I don't know what the heck Bong is talking about sometimes..but he shreds on the steel guitar, and is a very funny guy..once you hang around with him, you get to know him...he's a good guy..twisted sense of humour, but a good guy....very trustworthy...I know I can count in him to always be proffesional when our band plays!

He takes our band very seriously, and has a fresh approach to songs...the guy can write awesome parts, and practices endlessly. That's a kind of dedication and motivation I can never achieve myself..so, hat's off to him!

Plus, he is practically a walking encyclopedia of all things Tiki..and his lapu-lapus RULE!!!!!

Remember in High School (or whatever) when you liked a girl or guy, but knew you weren't in their league (so to speak), you'd act like you really didn't like them and antagonize them just hoping, hoping that one day they'd notice you?

Well, that's exactly what Al_Malaikah is doing with me. In almost every single post of his he always quotes his special interest - Bong. Bong said this or this, Bong said this or this. Bong, please notice me!

Al_M, I want you to know that I do like you and have noticed you hiding in the shadows. I want to be your special friend!

Are you going to Tiki Oasis IV? I assume you live in the LA area hence your moniker - Al_Malaikah (unless that's a red herring).

If you do go to Tiki Oasis, please come up and introduce yourself as I really plan to get to know you in a real intimate way. A way that only people that are really, really close get to know each other...

But until the time we can be together, I'm glad that my posts, the posts of your special new friend - Bong, bring you so much interest and obvious joy!

I'm gonna love you like you've never been loved my little twinkie!

"I'm ashamed to be here, but not too ashamed to leave..."

Celebrate 'International Tiki Day' the second Saturday in August - hau'oli la tiki!

[ Edited by: Tiki_Bong on 2004-04-07 14:31 ]

I guess what irks me about it is that you aplogized...you stepped up and admitted you were being bad....but this person won't let it go..has to still get his (or her) digs in at you...
Mick, my guess is Two Wheelin' is confused as to whether or not it's a real appology, Because first Bong appologizes, then Bong says it's a gag, and implies that everyone was in on it except him. It is like Bong is trying hard to confuse people.

Well Two Wheelin': It wasn't a gag. Regardless of what Bong says, the appology was real and the incident that Bong was refering to did happen.

~Hanford

Hanford, I still think Al-Malaika is secretly Shirley, our ukelele player!

Now THAT would be a great gag!

Notice how there are only about 20 posts...meaning either a new user, or a double secret probationary user...and since Shirley just logged on a few months ago...I think the answer is clear..Al_ Malaika is Shirley, the smoking-est Menehune of them all!

And now that I think about it more, I realize the veracity of it....the secret and longing glances at Bong during practice, the bringing of twinkies (bong brings 'em, she eats 'em)..the large bushes outside Bong's Trading post..the war in Iraq....I could go on and on, but I am convinced I am right this time!!

It all adds up..!!

Plus, there was that one time that.......ah shucks, I forgot where I was going with this!!

Yo mick, I wanna let you in on a little secret, I am kidding!. I think bong is a cool, stand up guy that can hold his booze a hell of a lot better then most folks (even if it does turn him into a closet motorcyclist that longs for an XR750), and I was giving him a gentle nudge with a smile as I typed. And if he takes offence to me calling him a freak (as if), he could blast me into oblivion in a sentance like he does all those that oppose him.And if he says i'm nothing , well then.......hey, wait... oh, yea, I don't need no stinking training wheels as I can out ride most anyone on the paved racetrack of their choice (unless they are pro AMA). so there!

Oh bong, just what do you mean by "when you see him, you will understand"?( you sayin I aint purty?).Please do expand on this comment!. I admit to being a wallflower at the TC gigs (all 2 of them)that I have been to, but I am a shy guy when among folks I really don't know other then the rare posting. I just come for the booze, the female gazing and the rare, kind soul like you (in person) that will shoot the bull!. Now blast away if you must, I got around food poisoning this week, I can survive anything!.