Funny Work Experiences

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A friend of mine works in a machine shop and was subject to a mandatory on site CPR/First Aid training class. Apparently, he wasn't familiar with the "Annie" doll that CPR trainers accross the U.S. use in their trade. He found this very amusing from the get-go and had trouble containing himself (keep in mind, my friends co-workers saw little humor or enthusiasm in "Annie"). When the instructor, stepping through the process, said something like, "find out if the victim is O.K." my friend recalled the Michael Jackson song Smooth Criminal and started singiing aloud, "Annie are you O.K.?... Are you O.K. Annie?...,".

His fellow co-workers just looked at him kind of wierd and class resumed.

When I worked on a newspaper a number of years ago, a story came across about a man that was arrested for fornicating with a loaf of bread in a convenience store. The headline which actually ran was deliberately innocuous (we'd already raised eyebrows with "NASA Probes Uranus"), but runners up were:

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and a loaf of bread.

Man Conceives Pillsbury Doughboy

We have a saying where I work: "There's nothing funny about shipbuilding". But sometimes ya jus gotta laugh to keep from cryin'.

I use to trim trees for the electrical company. One day I cam upon a stuffed racoon some one was throwing away in the trash while working. It was on it's hind legs with its claws held in front of it and was baring his fangs. For the next week or so I would get to work extra early and hide the racoon on the drivers seat of the work Trucks and wait for the drivers to get in. I'd laugh so hard I'd cry when these big Tough guys would open that door and do a little dance of fear. Some even dropped there coffee or ran away. Why in the world did I never set up a camera.
Also strange was everyone there had a nick name. Some of my favorites include:
Cement Head
Tractor Ass
Buns
Krazy Ray
The quarter roll kid
Smootchie
Pinky
Shakie (Bad drinker, would actually start shaking at noon)
Look around and stand around (A nickname for a duo)
See more Do less (another dou nickname)
The brown nose Bandit

tikilee,

Were you the Quarter Roll Kid?

A female coworker had a desktop picture of the Temple Images at Puuhonua, Hawaii. Refering to the Tiki duo I asked, "Hey, where'd ya get them Tikis?"

Apparently she was not familiar with the term Tiki and looked very shocked that I would say such a thing. Realizing this sounded wrong only after I said it, I went on to explain myself. I told my wife about it that evening at home and she nearly cried laughing!

-FB

I dropped out of college once because I ran out of money. I got a job at a book warehouse and was driving everyone crazy because I'm not really the warehouse type and can be more than a little obnoxious sometimes.

Anyway, a truck driving and delivery position came up and they gave it to me to get me the hell out of there. Fine with me, but I'm not really the truck driving type either.

Anyway again...one day I backed the truck up to the metal roll up door to load books for the day. I'd gotten too close and the lip of the door was catching on the bumper so I had to go back and move the truck forward.

Now what you have to picture is a half city block warehouse with 6 or 7 foot book shelves, full of books, lined up in alternating rows the length of the warehouse. Something like dominoes...see where this is going?

So I was getting ready to move the truck forward... It wasn't a well cared for truck and the idle was very high. SO...when moving the automatic shift from park to drive you have to go through reverse...

Upon hitting reverse the truck jumped back about a foot. This was enough to take the rolling steel door off it's track and knock over the boxes of books I was supposed to load. They in turn hit the first row of shelves, which in turn hit the next row, and so on, and so on...

The echoing sound of the shelves crashing into each other and tumbling over punctuated by the occasional screams of the warehouse workers diving for their lives struck me as hilarious for some reason and I sat there in hysterics as everything went to hell around me.

This is how the management found me when they ran out to see what disaster had occurred. Needless to say they didn't find it quite as amusing as I did and let me go on the spot!

It still gives me a pretty good chuckle!

I spent one of my summers home from college working in a large chain bookstore. This place had a dress code -- no jeans, t-shirts or sneakers. Ties were mandatory for men, and they all hated it. In protest, one Saturday we all came to work wearing the widest, loudest and tackiest ties we could find (my tie was voted the worst because it was labeled "wash and wear").

In high school I worked at a pizza place and had to deal with many rude customers. While I never spat in a pizza I was making for an annoying diner, I occasionally adulterated them with extra-special ingredients like jalapeno juice and the oil from the anchovy cans. The customers were always too drunk to notice.

I should note that these two businesses no longer exist.

Once I has a job at in the Judicial System working with prisoners, delivering exhibits, files, mail, and (my favorite) running mail thru a detonation detection machine.

I was left in charge of the crew for weeks sometimes, and would try to make the job as fun as possible. (Putting a picture of a gerbil in the Employee of the month photo, posting the odds & point spread on any sporting event on the front door, wearing shoes that didn't match, cammo pants, fez or sombrero and so on...sort of unprofessional some would say)

One day a number of the fleet vans needed servicing so I habitually orderd myself a Sheriff's Cars.

If you've never driven one, they are quite sporty for such heavy vehicles. I had a fondness for a particular Caprice because it seemed to slide best, but the Crown Vics (despite an annoying lump in the drivers side floor) were faster.

I got on one onramp going almost 100 before the speeders on the highway saw me and all slowed down, almost killing me. (Thinking I was a real cop..in a Fez, with a cigar)

The best effect it had was one hot afternoon, I pulled into a 7-11 to get a big gulp and two guys dropped what they were doing and dove over a wall...

If you ever get a change to drive a marked law enforcment vehicle, do it!

Just tell the judge Gigantalope said it was ALRIGHT!

Freekbear, I wonder if Scott Peterson would have gotten off using that tact?

Do any of you have co-workers fuming about this?
I love to mention (for fun, not because I feel this way)..."Can you imagine what a complete bitch Lacy must have been to drive him to do that?"

Scott and Laci lived in San Luis Obispo for a short while. My mother is the Treasurer of the SLO Chapter Wine Society in which Laci was also a member. Through a local cooking school they arranged a cooking trip through the Tuscan region of Italy in which they toured wineries and restaurants and learned how to cook the local cuisine. Laci was terrible to my Mom. My mother lost her hearing in her right side due to a tumor that attached from her inner ear to her brain. My mom sometimes hears thing incorrectly and Laci mocked her the entire time. She also told my mother that she didn't want her hanging out with her as she "was too old." She berated my Mom so frequently in front the others that my Mom broke down crying in the middle of one dinner in which Laci told her to "stop acting so dramatic." The rumor in the group was she took off on the back of a Vespa with a number of Italian men during their two week stint.

Now I'm not saying she deserved to die, no one does. But whenever I hear her name mentioned, I want to kick her ass. Now that she's been brutally murdered I'm glad he got the book thrown at him. But when the media plays her out as some saint my blood boils a little. When I asked my mom how she felt about all the hype she said, "Laci would love knowing she's got all this attention because that's the way she was, always trying to be the center attraction."

Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

Years ago while working at a record store, one of our customers was a "male exotic dancer." His stage name was "Giovanni" and he ran these ads with this ridiculous photo of him making his "hot face." The running joke within the co-workers was to cut out his picture and place it in obscure places so that others would "accidentally" run across it when they least expected it. One guy went so far as to xerox off dozens of them and replaced the face of every mobile we had hanging inside the store that featured photos of band members. One day "Giovanni" strutted in wearing a day-glo purple suit (it was the 80's) and was schmoozing the ladies behind the counter, trying to impress them with his stories of his latest conquests. Right in the middle of his speech, the Aaron Neville mobile slowly started spinning to reveal Giovanni's face and it was right at his eye level. I was holding my breath trying not to burst out laughing, tears were welling up and I excused myself abruptly mid conversation to run outside and laugh my ass off. He didn't even notice it.

[ Edited by: stuff-o-rama on 2004-11-15 04:49 ]

Stuff-o-rama:
I think that was the best post ever. Funny remark, wild tales of foreign torrid affairs, famous people being bitches to one's Mom, later murdered... all followed by a bit of Jackassery.

You rule!

On 2004-11-15 00:09, stuff-o-rama wrote:
Years ago while working at a record store,
[ Edited by: stuff-o-rama on 2004-11-15 04:49 ]

Too funny! Back when I was a music buyer in a record store we got in a Billboard with a huge fold out Janet Jackson poster. My partners desk was behind the counter, so it fit just right, at eye level. Well, that started the whole ball rolling. Computer wallpaper, copies rolled around every cigarette in his pack, inside the Tylenal bottle, taped to the bottom of his mouse(took him hours to figure out why his computer seemed to be locked up), sealed inside CD orders, inside the Gas Cap of his truck, inside the lenses of his sunglasses, taped on his back when he went for lunch. He finally gave up, called a truce, couldnt take it anymore.

On 2004-11-15 08:20, Gigantalope wrote:
You rule!

Now I must hand the crown back to you!