Worst Garnish Ever...

Hello all....
After having a few too many at Karbora's Euroa Cove the other night, I nearly dropped my Crab Rangoon into my drink, sparking a discussion of what would make the most horrific garnish.
Now, not all garnishes are edible (thank goodness), but I include swizzles, decorative items as well as foodstuffs in the garnish category.
To some people, it could be something as simple as those little paper umbrellas (to purists, the kiss of death to a classic drink). To others, having a maraschino cherry could turn one's stomach. Me, I am made of heartier stuff, having made Bacon Martinis before (Stoli, Gin, dash of liquid smoke, with a piece of bacon as a swizzle).
But hey, what is your idea of the worst garnish?
Discuss.

Jon

a rat.

A bloody mary..

..with a tampon.

On 2006-04-03 07:37, KuKuAhu wrote:
A bloody mary..

..with a tampon.

Okay. That was even more strange than the first thing that popped into my mind (which I'll refrain from sharing.)

On 2006-04-03 08:15, Tiki-Kate wrote:

Okay. That was even more strange than the first thing that popped into my mind (which I'll refrain from sharing.)

Like what?

A bloody mary with..

..a clot?

..a bandaid?

Ahu

"Did somebody say bacon martoony? Thankyouverramuch!"

On 2006-04-03 07:37, KuKuAhu wrote:
A bloody mary...with a tampon.

Oy! Since KaKuAhu pierced the envelope of bad taste so early in this thread I feel no reason not to join in and offer "Fido's Lost Luggage" as a disgusting alternative to pearl onions.

(Mahalo to Cynfulcynner for the lovely image I swiped from the Bilge)

On 2006-04-03 09:43, hodadhank wrote:

Oy! Since KaKuAhu pierced the envelope of bad taste so early in this thread

Well, you know.. I do what I can to help out.

Ahu

note that he is not named "mild-mannered ahu" :)

Well, I was going to take the high road, but with the way this discussion is going...
I acually served a Bloody Mary once with a string hanging over the edge of the glass.
Although it was a real, honest-to-goodness old-fashioned Bloody Mary and the string was clean butcher twine, the recipient would not even try it. Granted, I called it an "Aunt Flo"...
Jon

On 2006-04-03 10:26, JonPez wrote:
Well, I was going to take the high road, but with the way this discussion is going...

(To the music of "Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond)

:music: JonPez takes the high road
And KuKuAhu takes the low road
And Ahu's back in "Bilge", before ye :music:

On 2006-04-03 07:01, JonPez wrote:
After having a few too many at Karbora's Euroa Cove the other night, I nearly dropped my Crab Rangoon into my drink

That's what I get for tending bar. I miss all the fun.

A carnie...or nuclear war, I would not want either in my drink

Some pals and I once made chip and salsa bowls for a large party out of cheap maniquins we had found...just big holes cut in the torsos. We silcon'd caulked in plastic bowls and painted the caulking to look like drippy body parts.

There are some great recipes for awful garnishes in Penn & Teller's "How to Play with Your Food," like fortune cookie insults and bleeding Jell-O.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0679743111/sr=8-1/qid=1144142183/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-6850543-6504142?%5Fencoding=UTF8

On 2006-04-03 23:17, Gigantalope wrote:
Some pals and I once made chip and salsa bowls for a large party out of cheap maniquins we had found...just big holes cut in the torsos. We silcon'd caulked in plastic bowls and painted the caulking to look like drippy body parts.

Getting past the whole drink garnish thing here, but that reminds me of a party I helped organize in college. Took fairly large baby dolls and cut open their bellies to make chip and dip bowls. We had probably 6 or 7 of these big naked dolls laying on the table, arms and legs akimbo (love that word), some with eyes open, some blissfully asleep. The parts we cut off made good lids, with sometimes just a spoon sticking out.
I always thought these would be good party plates for a Halloween gathering. You know, everyone walking around cradling a doll, legs dangling, belly open, stuffed with meatballs or bean dip (maybe baby-back ribs would be better), with a fork sticking out. Man, thats a visual. Would probably show up on your permanent record, too...

I always thought these would be good party plates for a Halloween gathering. You know, everyone walking around cradling a doll, legs dangling, belly open, stuffed with meatballs or bean dip (maybe baby-back ribs would be better), with a fork sticking out. Man, thats a visual. Would probably show up on your permanent record, too...

Thanks for the idea Pez - I can't wait 'till October!

I think a peep would be the worst garnish ever

http://www.peepdrinks.com/pages/2/index.htm

On 2006-04-04 07:49, marika wrote:
I think a peep would be the worst garnish ever

http://www.peepdrinks.com/pages/2/index.htm

No way! Peeps are disgustingly wonderful. Now I have to go home and make a peeptini.

a muddy concrete block would be a pretty bad garnish.

On 2006-04-04 08:11, Johnny Dollar wrote:
a muddy concrete block would be a pretty bad garnish.

Hhmm... How 'bout J$ thumb?

hmmm....roofing tile.

Insulation from your ceiling falling in your drink. eew,fiberglass.

Fruit garnishes that looked good when you cut them but mysteriously gone bad since you cut them....how long ago was that? :wink:

JonPez...most humorus...

What did they use for garnish in Caddyshack...in the pool?

On 2006-04-05 18:27, Gigantalope wrote:
What did they use for garnish in Caddyshack...in the pool?

Mounds or Almond Joy? :wink:

On 2006-04-05 18:27, Gigantalope wrote:
JonPez...most humorus...

What did they use for garnish in Caddyshack...in the pool?

"Doody!" :lol:

Actually, it's a Baby Ruth. http://www.carlspackler.com/sounds/089.mp3

One time in college for a "I can't wait for Winter to be over" party we filled a kiddie wading pool with Sangria & Fruit. After the party was over there was still lots of sangria, so I lay next to the pool with a long straw and eventually "had to take a nap" on the edge of the pool. Making me the worst garnish I know.

A Bloody Mary with a severed finger. Kinda David Lynch-like. (thanks to the CSI I watched last night!)

a juicy fat garden snail...crawling its way around the glass and ice. hold the salt on the rim though, meow.

I was reading a gardening book once that said.

If you have slugs in your garden.
Just crack open a light beer, bury it about 3/4 deep so it will not spill.
Next morning it will be filled with drowned slugs.

Talk about a perfect garnish for a light beer.

[ Edited by: Chip and Andy 2009-06-05 17:40 ]

shagging couple - now that's a garnish :)

those are some WEIRD looking SLUGS

I don't know what the drink would be named but the garnish poking out of it would be a big frozen banana.

I see this post is staying classy! So for real the back scratcher in tropical itch, or the comb in a combover. If we stay classy then it has to be a long hair as a garnish. Especially if it doesn't match anyone behind the bar and serving the drink, maybe lipstick as a topper? I have had several eeewwwwss, come from the garnish ideas so far, what fun and scary at the same time.

That is hilarious. I'm suddenly seeing a Halloween themed tiki party ONLINE! Here! I usually stay home anyway...

I would not want to find a real brain in my Zombie!
I also would not want to find LLT in anything!

How about a Mudslide with a small toy car and house - and for you Southern California drinkers - a splash of Malibu?

Okay, then how about a Sex on the Beach with a condom?

with sand on the condom? It is all in the fine touches. Slippery Nipple with glitter in it?

A loogie. Wait, would that be considered more of a float than a garnish?
(Or maybe just the bartender's polite way of telling you to leave)