My Stupid Town

Once upon a more naive time I had proposed that folks maybe start threads about the cool stuff in the place where they lived so cool stuff seekin' travelers could have an inside scoop if headin' towards a particular town.

That idea went the way of my chocolate covered green beans recipe and "Lets Knit Socks Together!" threads.

But today, when overwhelmed by somethin' incredibly stupid some "officials" in my city of Seattle just did I thought "Hey! Everyone likes to bitch and moan and point fingers! Maybe I'll start a new negative thread about dumb stuff in folks towns...And we can all gripe and laugh together!"

Then I took my 2-O-Clock meds and my excitement and optimism levels were chemically returned to normal. But nonetheless welcome to...

My Stupid Town

Feel free to add yer thoughts on the dumb things yer town has done in the name of brilliance.

So my fine city of Seattle's Convention and Visitors Bureau just spent over a year and $200,000 (that's two hundred thousand dollars) comin' up with a new slogan to lure in the coventioneers and tourists.

Over a year and $200,000 and we have...

Metronatural.

No, that's not a typo. The word that will now be used to describe Seattle to all the world is...Metronatural.

Right, I hear yuh "What the hell does that mean???" Well apparently it's meant to say:

"We have a vibrant urban center surrounded by pristine wilderness and outdoor recreation." -Don Welsh, President of Seattle's Convention and Visitors Bureau-

Oh, yeah. Now I get it. Brilliant.

Plus I'm guessin' it's a nudge-nudge-wink-wink take on metrosexual which is so timely and current...Oh wait, this isn't 2003. Never mind.

But as God as my witness I will fight to my last breath to make sure I am never referred to as a metronaturalist.

Seattle is METRONATURAL???

I had no idea! I'm moving there this minute!

I think it's regurgamazing.

Suddenly I feel gay. What a lame ass idea!

My Stupid Town is Brandon, Florida.
It's the largest unincorporated area in the US.
Which means, hundreds of thousands of people - no mayor or civic government other that what the county provides.

It also means that the Chamber of Commerce has clout. This should not be.

For instance, driving into the town there is a sign with an amazing slogan of

"Welcome to Brandon
Great today... Greater tommorrow"

And it's right in front of the largest cemetery in the area.

We do have a huge mall though and all of the chain restaurants you could ever imagine.
All are filled with people every night.

There are Walgreens vs. CVS pharmacies on every single major intersection, many within one mile of each other.
I mean: A dual-set of opposing pharmacies within a mile of each other. 4 total.

My stupid town is the birthplace of the Beef O Brady's chain of crapfoodswillbeerholes.

If I reached into Tampa, Clearwater, etc (all part of the "bay area") we are also responsible for Outback, Hooters and several other barely-above-drive-through dumps.

And yet - I cannot get a fish taco anywhere.

Oh there's more. Yes. More.

Alameda, CA (bear with me Pablus)

5 years ago this town on the bay next to Oakland had a great 1950s small town feel. There are two main business districts (Park Street and Webster Street) in town. Park St. has been doing very good business in the last few years with new stores coming in (like Peet's coffee, Books Inc., Happy Trails, restaurants, Subway - ugh), and fewer vacancies. So, the city decides a couple of years ago to "beautify" the street. They change the 50s look to something nostalgic of an earlier time with new sidewalks with planter areas and 20s style light posts. Meanwhile, some older businesses fail, like the old pharmacy and hot dog shop.

They do the same thing with Webster St., which they called a "Rennaisance Project". The sidewalks now stick out at intersections effectively removing all the right turn lanes, making traffic flow worse, especially when buses stop in the middle of the street because they can no longer pull over as far to the curb. Then there is the disruption in traffic (car and foot) and the reduction in business for the year or so it took to do the work. And they removed all the old trees because "they lack consistency and are in conflict with the proposed transit plazas and amenity plazas".

I ask why did they spend so much money to redo these streets when the new businesses were already opening up before the work was done? I don't think anyone benifitted by the work.

And I really don't understand why people want to take something that already looks classic and try to make it look like an earlier era.

Our 1960s era mall called Southshore Center has been under redevelopment for a few years. It used to be a nice small outdoor mall with trees and benches, with Ross, Albertson's, and some small shops. Now they are rebuilding it in a psuedo upscale mediterranean style and they renamed it Alameda Towne Center. Don't forget the "e" o the end of town, as it makes it seem more fancy! Whatever. I do admit that not many people went there 5 years ago so I guess businesses had a hard time, but now with the new Trader Joe's and huge Safeway the traffic on Park Street and area around South Shore is much worse because a lot of people drive pretty far to shop there. And the city wants to bring in a Target store next.

Finally, there has been much controversy about the restoration of the historic Alameda Theater, which is an art deco masterpiece designed by Timothy Pflueger, whoc designed Oakland's amazing Paramount Theatre. It's fairly complicated an issue, but in a nutshell the city is paying millions so a developer can partially restore it but build a multiplex and parking structure next door. And they tore down an old googie drive-in for the multiplex, which was a video rental store in recent years. I applaud the city for wanting to restore the theater, but I think they should have spent the money on restoring it as a single screen theater for films and performances instead of subsidizing the developer's multiplex plan.

Stupid planners.

On 2006-10-22 12:39, thejab wrote:
Alameda, CA (bear with me Pablus)

... Now they are rebuilding it in a psuedo upscale mediterranean style ...Stupid planners.

It is nice to know that we are not the only ones having issues with the Mediterranean Style.....

Our lovely little Hollywood By the Sea, now simply Hollywood Florida, was built in the 1920's in a Mediterranean Style because that was the way things were done in the 1920's. Several years later as people actually started to move to our little slice of land between the Ocean and the Swamp, and we had a huge influence of what we now call Googie and Populuxe. In the 50's and 60's, they were tearing down the Tuscan Villas as fast as they could to put up wonderful bits of archtiecture with sweeping roof lines and lots of neon and glass.

Now, about as many years later again, our City Planners are tearing out the Populuxe and putting up the Tuscan Villas because that is 'What the City Founder intended...' And don't you dare bring up the fact that all of the mediteranean stuff was torn out because it was so uncool the first time.

...say it ain't so, jab.

Can I still stand in line for an artery-clogging plate of biscuits and gravy at Ole's?

Oh man, don't get me started.

The imbecilic Utah liquor laws, which have had the added benefit of completely destroying the music scene here, are already legendary, but one thing that I was recently made aware of is how the ruling elite here manage to enact blue laws without actually having to admit that's what they are.

Some time ago, the prevailing local religion (not tiki, darnit) made a big deal about how the oh so progressive state had repealed most of the blue laws prohibiting businesses from being open on Sundays. Shortly thereafter, however, a law was passed that most people here don't know about. That law said that car dealerships cannot be open on two consecutive weekend days. In other words, they can be open on Saturday or Sunday, but not both. What business person in their right mind is going to close a car dealership on Saturday to be the only one in the state open on Sunday, especially when half the populace of the state won't shop on Sunday anyway?

Interestingly, the state's most prominent businessman, Utah Jazz owner Larry H. Miller, owns a dozen or so car dealerships in the state and belongs quite in-your-facedly to the local dominant church. Coincidence? Most decidedly not. Do Miller's car dealerships in Arizona close on Sundays? No. Do the Jazz play on Sundays. Yes.

Welcome to life in Utah.

If you need more examples, check out today's breaking news about Mass. Governor Mitt Romney and his presidential campaign staff's not-so-secret meetings with officials from a certain religious organization who claims loudly and frequently that it stays out of politics.

Plus, some assholes took a perfectly good 1963 cocktail lounge and put a bunch of bamboo and crap in it. They stopped selling Bud and Coors, and you can't even get Absolut Vodka there anymore. I mean, at least they still have Pabst. Alameda sucks.

Grrr... Here are examples of great city officials at work in Knoxville, TN:

Built new convention center next to old convention center and destroyed hotel to build a hotel and foot bridge to build a new foot bridge...

Spent millions renovating a nice mall downtown which hosts weekly free music events. They wanted to open the space more and make it more usable. Built a giant thing that is where bands set up at one end. It has a roof, that is about 40 feet up, thus preventing its ability to keep, oh, say, rain off anything under it. Also it has no support structure for lighting harnesses to be attached, or even electricity...

Oh, yeah, the above mentioned mall area. 10 years ago it was largely vacant because a couple of old coots owned most of the buildings and would not renovate or sell them. Lots of people were dying to get in and renovate and make the upper floors lofts and the ground floors retail. A couple were done that way. Finally we all said "horray" as the city condemned the properties these coots were sitting on and took them over... Well, then they hired a firm to study the best use of the area. They spent millions and it took years. Their final suggestion: Turn the upper floors into lofts and put retail on the ground floors! Thanks!

The 200 year old viaducts that connect downtown to everything else were a problem for the railroad. They were about 2 feet too short for the double decker cars to go through. What do we do? Lower the tracks 2 feet? That would take a week and cost a few grand and save the structures. No! We'll destroy them and rebuild theme at a cost of millions! AND! we'll do them all at the same time so that all of downtown can only be accessed by one road which requires crossing the river and going way the hell out of the way! PLUS! It'll kill all the businesses in the area! Horrah!

I luv the government...

You bet the city officials who make these stupid decisions have something on the side with the developers who propose them.

Yes, Pablus, Ole's has not changed a bit! There are other good things, like when the city wanted to stop the old guy who sells papers from a cute little wood newsstand on a street corner downtown because they said his little building was ugly. So the community volunteered their time to restore the little wood building. From the Oakland Trubine: "Renovations, which include leveling the structure, placing a pressure-treated platform and restoring its sidings to the building's pre-1950s architecture, were completed about a month ago. The building also has been re-roofed and painted." They're always against Alameda's 1950s look! URGH! But at least it's still there.

I've been hearing about some new bar on the island that's supposed to be great but I've yet to check it out. Probably sucks! :lol:

Seriously, I still love this town, which is why I hate to see it change (much).

Okay, I wasn't gonna get into this...but tonight pushed me over the edge. Warning: Major Alameda rant coming up....

Alameda is a pretty cool town in terms of architecture, shops, and the unique cross of culture here ranging from Rockabilly folks, artists, jazz, and yes Tiki. It's location, beach, and town are generally great.

HOWEVER, there's still a minority old guard mentality here that is really really annoying. So annoying in fact that Mai Tai had to seriously convince me to move back here. So here's my gripe about the Alameda old guard attitude.

Most of the old guard have moved out or died, but the few hold outs are really something else. They're Alameda Elks. They think it's okay to make racial and minority jokes -- especially to someone of that minority. There's a judgmental and self riotous drift.

They think it's okay to stick their nose into everyone else's business, discuss it, and form an opinion. Judgments of someone based on how well that person's garden is manicured, how perfect that persons home is, how perfectly that person dresses, and how friendly that person is to the neighbors. It's like a twilight zone episode of 1950's McCarthy.

Anyhow, we live next door to two of the minority old guard. They're retired former swinging 70's folks -- in their late 60's. So they like to party but also are pissy about everything at the same time. Like they don't like any noise after 10:00 pm or before 7:00 am anywhere near their house. Even if it's from inside of a neighbors house. They've complained that they can hear my bedroom TV, set at level 5. Yet they play pool and drink Margaritas all day. A weird dichotomy.

They're relative newlyweds and entertain a lot. Not a problem. Their backyard is picture perfect which is cool. In fact, their entire house is perfect. Overall they're nice, but jeez, the perfection sometimes gets to be too much. It's very important to them to have a perfect environment in terms of visual, sound, etc.

They don't work and the woman's lived there for 40 years. So she's had an opportunity to work on the house. And they're out there EVERY day working on it while I'm working at work.

At present, I can't keep up with the Jones', nor do I care to. I'm too busy earning a living in order to pay the mortgage for this house. We're fixing up the house piece by piece and the backyard is not high on the list at the moment. It'll be beautiful eventually, but there are other priorities like flooring and windows. I keep the front of the house impeccable, and really, they shouldn't care about my backyard...but they do. Why, because they can see it from their second story and want everything in their environment to be perfect.

So for the past three weeks the guy has been bugging me to put up a new fence because the old common fence needs replacement. Yeah, agreed. We've got the good side of the fence, so it's our responsibility.

However, he doesn't want a bad side, so he's willing to share the cost of a higher end fence. Great, except that it costs 3x as much...and he wants it done now?! Okay, I'll pull $3000 out of my pocket today and put up a new fence IMMEDIATELY. Yeah.

So for the past two weeks it's gotten way creepy. He's literally stalking me. I can't go outside without him rushing out to ask me if I've gotten all of the bids yet. I can't walk across the dining room without him seeing me across the way and immediately calling me to ask about it.

So what happens today: Arrrggg, my idiot neighbors just had the cops tag our cute little Miata. The PD are threatening to tow it because the neighbor claimed it was parked for over 72 hrs in 1 spot -- in front of our house. Ironically, we drove it all around town two days ago! The reason they called the cops: Because they're pissed because we aren't able to replace the fence immediately -- and it may have to wait three months. And they're also pissed because we have our vintage VW van parked in OUR driveway, and they don't like looking at it from their kitchen. I am so annoyed. Welcome to the politics of the Alameda old guard.

P.S. Yes, it is nice to live near people who care so much about the area and value it. It could be worse. :wink:

[ Edited by: Coco Loco 2006-10-24 22:51 ]

That's weird, the message posted twice.

Deleted by Coco Loco due to duplication.

[ Edited by: Coco Loco 2006-10-24 22:41 ]

Oh Gwad, that was duped?

Have you read the nightmare going on with the untiki neighbors?
http://www.tikicentral.com/viewtopic.php?topic=18583&forum=13&30

I read it. I thought how horrible...and then I got a small taste of it myself.

:drink: :drink:Feeling better now. :)

[ Edited by: Coco Loco 2006-10-27 01:22 ]

Ok, so now for lovely Sarasota, FL--or at least it used to be lovely...
This place has become 'anything for a buck'.
Thanks to our wonderful rep. Katherine Harris(ack--sorry, coughed a furball), all of our history is being leveled at record speed to make way for pseudo Tuscan McMansions and Condos. These people move here (now an elephant burial ground)from all over, with no roots or ties to the area. They want to change things, because "we do it better up north"(then go back there--like I told one rude woman in a store after a major hurricane hit because the power company in Mass would have had the power restored faster. ARRRRGH)...I digress...We have/had many important structures here Mid Century Modern known as Sarasota School of Architecture, built by Paul Rudolph, et al. These residences and commercial buildings are phenom. Well, these people are coming here and tearing all of them down, talking away the traces of my past. This includes a local High school(mine), which is apparently very important in the world of architecture. The school board slid under the radar and ok'd this for demolition stating it was beyond saving in any capacity. Everyone in the community was blindsided. Architects from all over the world are now up in arms trying to save this 'unsalvageable' structure. They tore down the historical John Ringling Towers to make way for condos...
At this rate, there will be no history left to pass to my children, only a condo canyon where you will be able to stand in the street and yell, getting a great echo effect...
I hold my breath for the Bahi Hut, a tiny tikibar that has pretty much remained unchanged since the 50's--it sits on prime real estate.
That is why I got into the salvage business, if I can save even pieces of these buildings, or the original furnishings from the landfill, at least that's something.
There you go, there's a rant for ya!

Wow, Kikekeki, I'm sorry to hear about Sarasota. We spent some time there a few years ago and really enjoyed the unique architecture. Especially the Ringling House -- which was under restoration at the time. Hopefully the pendulum will swing the other way soon, before it's too late.

Mahaloz, Coco-- The Ringling Mansion is still intact. It is a museum of fine art, doubtful it will see a wrecking ball. It was the John Ringling Towers that was demo'd. It was built the same time as the mansion. Was once a gorgeous hotel that fell into neglect, as usual, the land was more valuable than the value of saving the structure. The site is located in front of the new Ritz Carlton. God knows we had no other place to stuff more condos...(more rant)
:drink: better now!

edited for excess rant factor

[ Edited by: kikekeki 2006-10-27 13:23 ]

VALLEJO, CA

On 2006-10-24 22:39, Coco Loco wrote:

So for the past three weeks the guy has been bugging me to put up a new fence because the old common fence needs replacement. Yeah, agreed. We've got the good side of the fence, so it's our responsibility.

However, he doesn't want a bad side, so he's willing to share the cost of a higher end fence. Great, except that it costs 3x as much...and he wants it done now?! Okay, I'll pull $3000 out of my pocket today and put up a new fence IMMEDIATELY. Yeah.

[ Edited by: Coco Loco 2006-10-24 22:51 ]

Hey Coco,

Yea, things could be worse.....here's my fence story, then I'll bitch about Vallejo in general!

My neighbor, (who rents), complained that MY BAMBOO was pulling down our common fence, (which was covered in IVY mostly from HIS side of the yard).
I paid $400 to have some guys come out and remove all of the ivy and bamboo while I was out of town. When I returned the ivy, the bamboo AND THE FENCE were gone!
It turns out that the fence was likely as old as our house, (110 years), and when the ivy was removed the fence disintegrated, (you could crumble it in your hand).

So now we have a problem, we have 2 dogs, the neighbors have mean dogs and kids, we're pretty much financially tapped out but we HAVE to have a fence!
We have a Historically Registered house in a Historically Registered Community.
First I have to file for a permit of Historical Appropriateness, then after that a Building Permit....oh, but wait, did I forget to mention that when the fence came down we discovered that our property is "terraced" about 3' feet higher than the neighbor's?
So now we need a retaining wall also! Upon inspection they can't make the retaining wall in wood because it's too high. So now that means concrete. But because we're in a "Historical" area Historical Appropriateness defines that we can't use concrete, (or at least have any "visible"), so that means facing the concrete that's along the back alley, (visible to the public), with stone to make it look more appropriate! $$$$$$$$$

Can you hear the dollar signs?
Here are some dimensions: Pour concrete retaining wall 120' length with another 70' length along the back yard, 3 1/2' high, 6" thick with rebar and an L footing.
6' Custom, (this was WAY OVER Home Depot's heads),Redwood Fence same lengths.

Total costs to us: $15,000 DOLLARS! We couldn't get the neighbor, (renter, owner or otherwise), to pay a nickel of it! Then a year later the City of Vallejo calls me
at work to tell me that the Retaining Wall was never "signed off". They send a guy out with paperwork claiming that NOW we're supposed to also repair our driveway and the CITY SIDEWALK, (because the city has no remaining funds to repair city streets and sidewalks), to get them to sign off our retaining wall!
I'll let you imagine the choice words that I gave them on the advice of where they could put their paperwork! :x Good thing we aren't planning on moving!

OMG, Dr. Tikimojo, that sounds nightmarish. I don't feel so bad now. I have some inexpensive "visitors" to this country that are great workers if you need the help. :wink:

I didn't get to share with you the resolution of my fence story. To make a long story short, the fence went up, the neighbor covered 2/3 of the cost...and why...because they wanted a custom fence, more than double the cost of my bids, and nicer than my furniture -- or any of the other decent fences in the neighborhood. Virgin clear wood, tongue and groove planks, tiered, plus lattice, plus special wood footers, ornamentation, etc. It is nice looking, but now I'm paranoid about something happening to it. Things could be much worse. Suppose it's not so bad in the long perspective. I suppose it's nice to have neighbors who care as compared to the alternative. I guess. Anyhew, another story to share in person. Hope things work out for you. That historical status in CA is a nasty one. We've been lucky to avoid it with our 80 yr. home. Geez.

SEATTLE *How about a nice ham sandwich with that ton of trash?

The city's trash transfer stations (garbage dumps) want a $100 million upgrade, including a cafe, observation deck and store -- the reason for spending money on what could be called trash-tourism.

"These facilities were designed and constructed in the mid-60's," said George Sidles with Seattle Public Utilities...

But the south transfer station plan sounds like something you'd expect in a theme park.

"All preliminary, but all within the realm of possibility," said Sidles.

He's answering whether a cafe, observation deck and a store are all planned for the rebuild.

The store would pull castaway items out of the heap that someone else might buy. You could watch all this from a new observation deck, but a café? Sidles says a byproduct of trash could be cash.

"It's really amazing to see, how much different these facilities could look, and how much of an asset they could be to a community," he said...

Seattle Public Utilities is now accepting bids and designs for the new sites. If all goes as planned, they could be up and running and serving food in the next 3 to 5 years.* KOMO News

I told this story to Sophista-tiki in SHOUT! the other day and...

Sophista-tiki: instead of selling, they shouild just have a section where you could leave and take useful stuff so it doesnt end up in the land fill

**woofmutt:**Yeah, and a seatin' area so yuh can watch dealers fight over cool junk!

Sophista-tiki: maybe they could have some kind of gladiator compeition over the pit to win the garbage of your dreams

woofmutt: With armor and weapons...FASHIONED FROM DISCARDED OBJECTS!

Our next Battle: Two time transfer station champion Trixie Webber, owner of Trixie's House of Overpriced Crap versus new comer Kevin Nording who is just trying to furnish his house on the cheap. The prize: A Tiki-Eames-70s-Hippie-Nakashima coffee table with two broken legs...

Sophista-tiki: I would sit in the transfer station to watch that match!

thats already a japanese game show