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Beyond Tiki, Bilge, and Test / Beyond Tiki

Near Death Experience (this is sad... bring your kleenex)

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This morning I had a near death experience (hey, there really is a light at the end of this tunnel - but I found out it's really a dimly lit Trader Vic's lamp).

Oh man, it was horrible. An agony I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy (alright, Baxdog yes).

When I attempted to log onto Tiki Central this morning, I couldn't. Nothing, nada, zippo, zilch.

At first I thought 'Hmmm, that's weird. Maybe I did something wrong - I'll try again'. As I attempted to log onto TC a second time, I anxiously watched, with quivering lip mind you, as the blue line in the status bar slowly, agonizingly crept to the right towards 100%. But failed.

It was just like when you're down on your luck, living in the streets, bad case of jock itch, and you find a $20 bill and head over to the casino and the crap table in hopes of monetary riches, praying for 7's - only to crap out!

So I try to log on a third time. I watched, I waited, I tried not to watch, I tried not to wait. But never made it. Despair. Oh the humanity. The blue line on the status bar never reached it's full potential.

Just as I would imagine (NOTE - I am imagining here! This condition would never, repeat never happen to Tiki Bong) some impotent old guy popping a Viagra, and then waiting anxiously for extended reality. Only to be disappointed again!

At that moment I felt very alone. Just like during the Apollo 13 mission when they're were on the other side of the moon, just hoping to make it around the other side. Not knowing the outcome. Hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.

Damn you Hanford! A pox on both your houses! You made Tiki Central look soooo inviting with it's pretty colors and graphics. "I'm everything you want Tiki Bong" it cried to me. Hanford, you are the Joe Camel of websites!

Yeah, I fell for it, and I fell hard. I'm the number 1 poster at TC (yeah, I'm a loner. Even as a child I never had any 'real' friends - only the priests at my Catholic church - and Uncle Meat).

Yeah, I was sucked in. Just like by some cheap hooker ($20 and a bottle of Ripple). Tiki Central promised to 'love me long, long, time (90 seconds at least) only to deposit my ass on back on Beach Blvd with my digital pants around my ankles.

Well, that's OK, you hear me! I've been knocked around by bigger bullies than you (Baxdog). And I've gotten back up... sort of.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to wean myself off TC. I'm gonna pick me up some heroin or crack - something less addictive.

You won't have Tiki Bong to kick around anymore!

(or not?)

E

By Kukailimoku, it's true! The server was sucking so far backward that my monitor shrank from a 17" to a 14"! Whatinahellhoppened, brah?

emspace.

-------HEY BONGO------

__I LOVE YOU!

but it doesn't rhythm?

Did the server go down? my connection was down all day but I assumed the server was up and running...

~Hanford

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