Tiki culture column

TornadoTiki has a column about fake tiki culture in today's paper:

http://www.floridatoday.com/article/20100603/COLUMNISTS0106/6030302/1047/life/A+thatched+roof+doesn+t+make+a+tiki+bar

A thatched roof doesn't make a tiki bar

BY CHRIS KRIDLER

• FLORIDA TODAY • June 3, 2010

*Since I've become enamored of tiki culture, I've learned that it takes more than a thatched roof to be called tiki. Not that you can tell from the so-called "tiki bars" that keep popping up around Brevard County.

Tiki is a celebration and continuation of the mid-century pop-culture craze that brought people out to Polynesian-themed restaurants and bars decorated with elaborate carvings and funky lamps. The decor evoked exotic getaways. The fantastically elaborate drink menus at places like Trader Vic's, Don the Beachcomber and Fort Lauderdale's Mai Kai would sink the heartiest sailor. More to the point, the cocktails were of high quality and complexity, employing myriad rums and fruit juices to great effect.

Cocoa Beach used to have one of these establishments, back in the space-race days -- the Samoa, which served such drinks as the Samoa Sleeper, the Scorpion and, of course, the Mai-Tai, before my time. And times have changed.

I just get depressed when I go to the local "tiki bar" and end up with another crappy drink made of a frozen mix. A certain new "tiki bar" I visited recently served only pedestrian beer and wine.

Needless to say, my hopes were not high when I signed up to attend the luau at the Crowne Plaza in Indialantic.

On many levels, I was pleasantly surprised. The buffet was good, with a real roast pig, looking appropriately morose under the orange lights. The show was a hoot, too, as a band played Pacific-influenced pop (though the "Margaritaville" cover would have made tiki purists cringe) and then provided a backdrop for dancers performing a cultural tour of the islands. The fire dancer was the most spectacular performer, though he looked as if he were getting more roasted than the pig.

Based on the show and the food, I'd recommend the luau, which returns July 3. But the drinks stink.

My husband asked a bartender if there was anything in the way of fresh fruit juice behind the bar -- anything -- and got an emphatic "no." So we were stuck with the sugar-headache daiquiri, or any number of the sort of cocktails one expects from a touristy hotel bar, like the limeless margarita.

At least the deck where we ate is right on the beach, a lovely setting for the vaguely silly luau. And Ed Volonnino of Ed's Heads added an artistic touch to the proceedings with his colorful carvings.

I'm looking forward to the day when a tiki bar opens on the Space Coast that actually serves the classic tiki drinks that people loved in the past. I think customers would be beating down the door to order them. If you mix it, they will come. (Want to mix them at home? Check out Jeff Berry's "Beachbum Berry Remixed.")

In the meantime, I'm anticipating a visit to the Mai Kai in about a week during the annual Hukilau tiki convention. It may be silly, too, but the drinks are fabulous.*

If you mix it they will come! YES!! Fabulous article!

TikiMango and friends - where are you?!

This same topic has been discussed many many times in the past...so I guess now's the time to open an authentic tiki-bar in Brevard County :)

I'm looking forward to seeing Cocoa Beach/Satellite Beach/Brevard County personally next week. G

TikiMango was there. He even snagged one of the front legs of the roast pig they were serving!!! And he avoided being dragged up on stage for the fake hula lessons.

Saw that we have two more "tiki" bars opening in the county this week. Must bring the total to easily more than a dozen. Can't get a decent drink at any of them.

TikiG: If you are in town before Thursday, give us a holler and we can get together and make some tiki drinks at "The Storm Shelter", our personal tiki bar at my place.

TikiHardBop-

Thank You for your generous invitation to visit "The Storm Shelter" for tiki drinks. I'll be in town next Tuesday afternoon...I'm sure our paths will cross (multiple times) over the course of the next couple weeks.

I'm ready to experience the best of what Florida has to offer :) Cheers! G

And a local (idiot) bar-owner replies:

on June 3, 2010 Mrs. Chris Kridler wrote http://www.floridatoday.com/fdcp/?1275677556326
bashing all the local "wannabee" tiki bars that did not meet up to her enamored knowledge of the tiki culture. while you slammed a "local" new tiki bar because they only served pedestrian beer and wine, you forgot to thank them for offering all freshly prepared food 7 days a week. you also forgot to mention that they are a family designed, built, and ran business that believes in supporting its local community rather than bashit because it didnt meet the "drink standards'" of an obviously ignorant person. to some, great fresh food is more important than getting a cocktail...but because you have to justify your job, you decide to bash people that are trying to bring up the economy rather than destroy it. perhaps you should consider moving to a Polynesian island where you can certainly attain "your" perfect drink and pass your job to a more sophisticated person that brings positive energy to the community rather than what you have to offer. Y

Boy, that review must have hit the target there. And the reply missed the point. All good and fine about fresh food and economy and all, just don't call it Tiki, but something like "Fresh food hut" or something. There is a saying in my home country that goes "Ignorance does not protect you from punishment".

On 2010-06-05 03:23, TikiHardBop wrote:
And a local (idiot) bar-owner replies:

on June 3, 2010 Mrs. Chris Kridler wrote http://www.floridatoday.com/fdcp/?1275677556326
bashing all the local "wannabee" tiki bars that did not meet up to her enamored knowledge of the tiki culture. while you slammed a "local" new tiki bar because they only served pedestrian beer and wine, you forgot to thank them for offering all freshly prepared food 7 days a week. you also forgot to mention that they are a family designed, built, and ran business that believes in supporting its local community rather than bashit because it didnt meet the "drink standards'" of an obviously ignorant person. to some, great fresh food is more important than getting a cocktail...but because you have to justify your job, you decide to bash people that are trying to bring up the economy rather than destroy it. perhaps you should consider moving to a Polynesian island where you can certainly attain "your" perfect drink and pass your job to a more sophisticated person that brings positive energy to the community rather than what you have to offer. Y

Ouch - butt hurt a bit? Perhaps this person needs to join TC to understand why his "tiki" joint was being singled out. Sounds more like a "Buffett" joint - which I'm sure is just fine but, lik BBT said, please don't call it Tiki. Too bad.