Post #128436 by Geeky Tiki on Wed, Dec 1, 2004 10:56 PM

The Christmas when I was 6, I decided that I would add my own personal touch to my mom's annual Caesar's Salad routine.

Each year she'd perform the 'Caesar's Salad Ceremony' that concluded with her making a big-armed gesture of cracking a hard boiled egg against the inside rim of a giant wooden salad bowl. She'd then peel and slice the egg into the salad.

I switched her hard boiled egg in the fridge for a regular uncooked egg.

As she concluded her ceremony, she struck the egg against the salad bowl, and promptly released raw egg down the side of the bowl into the salad.

I thought it was pretty funny and I smirked. She took umbrage with my jovial state and started beating me with her salad mixing fork and spoon. Vinagrette flew in arcs like gore from Lizzie Borden's ax.

My brother, who was 25 at the time and visiting with his wife said it may be best if she were to cease battering me about the head and shoulders with stainless steel utensils, so she started to berate "the bastard" whilst I continued to try to deflect her blows.

"The bastard's" wife felt the need to chime in, but was far to repressed to do so in any direct manner, so she proceeded to shout "in tongues" - which was some noise that would make Mush Mouth tell Fat Albert to shut the fuck up, but in retrospect, sounds a little like Dutch. Anyway, it was basically a totally unintelligible cacophony. It's probably how we sound to a cat when we yell at them.

My mom told her to shut the fuck up as well, and I recall this vividly - was so upset that she was spitting as she yelled.

My dad was visiting, and he said he'd seen enough and announced that he was leaving, with all the gifts he had brought.

My mom said something that included the horse he rode in on.

He stormed out, as was his style at the time, followed by my brother and his blubbering bride. As he left, my brother made his yearly vow to never speak to my mother again, proving that even the most dysfunctional family can still have its traditions, after all.

My sister and her husband just shook their heads silently and left, while my mom called them foul names for what she took as them taking my brother's side.

Yup, that was the year that I actually started the annual Christmas family fight. After that year, the rest of the family resumed their more traditionl roles of antagonist/antagonist, which was OK. I had had my moment in the sun.

And that was a mild year!

[ Edited by: Geeky Tiki on 2004-12-01 23:01 ]