Post #144903 by RevBambooBen on Sat, Mar 5, 2005 9:39 PM

Speaking of pigs (chickens) and LUAUS, a long time ago I went with a friend to get the "pig for the luau". Have any of you ever done this?? We woke up at 6 am and drove out to Corona (while drinking coronas) to a pig farm. There were millions of em in all different shapes and sizes. The dude asked how many people are attending the luau? 100+? You need to go pick one out in bin # 198354743. So, we headed over there and just said that one will do. So, the dude said, ok. He then reached into the back of his little mini tractor and pulled out this crazy looking shot gun thing. By this time we were about into a 6 pack each at 7am. He went into the pen and started doing some chant and the pigs just kinda froze up. We were laughing our asses off. He then went to our pig and put his gun to the pigs head. BANG! It shot a freakin stainless steel dowell through the pigs head!! Dude! Anyway of doing it better? Nope! This is the most humane. We were on the ground with laugh cramps!! So, we all go back to the barn and there is this big machine that looks like the inside of many tiers banded together like a giant inside out tire (or crazy carnival ride). He puts a little gas in the engine and fires it up. Grabs the pig from tractor and throws it into the thing! What the freaking thing does is basically de-hairs the pig. Kinda like de-scaling a fish. Or, peeling a carrot for you vegans reading this. It also tears up the insides for easier gutting. So, after a 15 minute carnival ride for the dead pig for the LUAU he stops the ride and ropes it up by it's feet and wenches it upsidedown about arms hiehgt. He then puls out this Crockadile Dundee knife and in a matter of 30 seconds guts it ( fills a keg barrell and says to us"the guts are extra. You want em? No that's cool dude. You keep em.Here. Have a beer. He then said they send em to the hot dog factory). He then grabs the LUAU pig and throws it into the back of my friends truck. By 10 am we had the sucker on a spit rotating over 100 lbs. of Kingsford. By 10 pm we were all full and done for the night. So, next time you all are eating Kalua Pig, remember my story. I'm sure that pig farm is now a housing tract. That was 20+ years ago. Maybe Poly Pop lives on it.