R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg - Bilge

M MachTiki Tiki Socialite San Diego, CA Joined: Feb 16, 2004 Posts: 1369	M MachTiki Posted posted on Thu, Mar 31, 2005 3:06 PM Mitch Hedberg quotes Compiled from the Internet: I tried walking into a Target, but I missed. I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for ME. I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too...I tried to taste it, but it did not work. I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Boy, you really like Tide." I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty. I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle. One time a guy handed me a picture of himself and he said. "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I'm older. How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera. I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause." Personal favorite: I'm tired of chasing my dreams. I think I'll just find out where they're going and hook up with them when they get there. [ Edited by: MachTiki on 2005-03-31 15:09 ]

Mitch Hedberg quotes

Compiled from the Internet:

I tried walking into a Target, but I missed.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for ME.

I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too...I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Boy, you really like Tide."

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty.

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself and he said. "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I'm older. How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."

Personal favorite:
I'm tired of chasing my dreams. I think I'll just find out where they're going and hook up with them when they get there.

[ Edited by: MachTiki on 2005-03-31 15:09 ]

Post #150464 by MachTiki on Thu, Mar 31, 2005 3:06 PM