Post #229818 by Monkeyman on Mon, May 1, 2006 3:04 PM

Let me put this to bed before it goes much farther.

This is not a Purple Jade issue. I don’t wish her ANY ill will and she does not deserve anyone else’s judgement. Her mug sale was hugely successful because it was a quality product and it was for a purpose we all believed (and still believe) in. It was also successful because of the donated time and materials of others. I cannot even begin to comprehend PJs personal challenges right now and certainly am disappointed in myself that I may have added to them.

While it is true that it might be a stretch to refer to our many internet friends as family (or ohana), it is not a stretch to realize that we spend a large chunk of time here associating directly with a relatively small group. While many of us will not ever meet eachother in person, that does not diminish the fact that we know more about what is going on in eachothers lives than some of us know about our own siblings and neighbors.

The dynamics here on the internet are very similar to what we might experience in a "real life" social group. There are sly witty people, quiet observers, class clowns, artistic folks, devout supporters (The "Junior High" effect). Some are loyal to their friends and some are not. Some don’t mind making a big stink and some are so afraid of conflict that they overtly avoid having an opinion or taking a side. Im not judging which one is the better choice but only that those differences are ALL here in this group.

We all know that the internet is NOT the best way to interact with people because its easy to take things too seriously, out of context, not understanding the joke, not seeing the body language etc. The worst part is that some hurtful comments sit here in blistering text for all to read and re-read and re-read. In a “live” social setting, many of our discussions would never become heated, not many would worry too much about them. We would slap each other on the back and realize our friendship is more important than being "right".

I am not the first person to over react to something I disagreed with here on the web. Many others have as well. I am also not the first person to have stated an opinion or comment on something only to later realize that it was not the nicest or smartest thing to post. It’s easy to be insensitive to others until it happens to you. Then you can either respond with anger or reason. It’s easy to be angry and feel that YOUR point is the justified one. Its harder to step back, see both sides and realize that some disputes aren’t worth having.

I joined the Bali Hijinks because I saw a long list of names that I recognized. A list of names that I have enjoyed interacting with and visiting with in person over the years. So I requested entry to the site and it was granted. My admission was prefaced with a warning/disclaimer that if I prefer the civilized PC environment of Tiki Central (I know some of you might laugh) that Bali Hijinks might not be the best forum for me. Purple Jade knows me well enough to tell me what I should be ready for (she was right!).

I initially liked the fact that the alternate forum provided all of us a “vent” to discuss things that might cause problems on a totally open forum. Within a short period of time I realized that I found the regular complaining or backstabbing comments unhealthy for me. I do not profess to be completely innocent in this regard. It wasn’t much longer when folks were making unkind comments about TCers that I held in high regard. Then it was quickly apparent to me that a forum like this was NOT the right forum for me (Just as PJ had warned). It truly does promote a two faced persona. It’s a super fine line we walk when saying unkind things about people you “hope” wont find out about it. The only way it will work is if your friends don’t stick up for you and don’t tell you about it.

I have a hard time listening to others comment about my friends and not say anything about it. I have the unfortunate personality trait of saying what I feel and if I feel if someone is being unkind to people I like that someone should stick up for them. I was that fool. I tried to rebuke broad comments about TC. It was upsetting to see private PMs and quotes from the TC forums discussed where the vilified few could not defend themselves.

I could have simply withdrawn and decided it wasn’t my cup of tea but in a forum where anything goes I couldn’t see the harm in interjecting my position. Apparently I said the exact wrong thing because my comments were strongly opposed and I was unfortunately put in my place. I will say that if I ever asked for loyal and trustworthy friends, Dawntiki and Rodeo would be on the top of the list.

We don’t need anymore uglyness in this group and I have played my part in making it ugly again. For that I will apologize. Lets not worry about what is happening on BaliHijinks and instead focus on why we're are here on Tiki Central. Because we like Tiki Stuff (yes PJ its mostly junk but it makes us happy to surround ourselves with it) and by accident found out that WE LIKE OTHER TIKI PEOPLE.

Oasis is upon us yet again and many of us will be there. Lets remind ourselves on what it means to have friends that enjoy what we do and also realize how much our lives would be different (worse) without this fascinating collective of interesting people.

Lets move on. No more hating….. There is already enough of that in the world.