Post #2537 by woofmutt on Fri, Jun 21, 2002 1:34 AM

First: The restaurant business is a pain in the ass. You need to know the biz (or partner with someone you're sure knows the biz) before even considering a restaurant venture. Of course there are lovely stories of some former fireman starting Jack's Flapjack Shack in a trailer and becoming the biggest thing in Boise since talkies came to town (which was in 1997 I believe). But there are far more tales of restaurant failures big and small.

1: Money...A Kahiki type place right off? Jack started flipping pancakes in an old doublewide and look where he is now...

2: Location...Should be obvious and easy to get to. But "Location, location, location" means very little if a visit is described as "Awful, awful, awful."

3: Staff clothes..."Would people still accept grass skirts, tiny tops, and leis?" As long as they were made of some wash and wear poly-cotton blend. I think the Playboy Bunny waitress is a dead notion outside of Vegas.

4: Clientele...Everyone. Seriously. For something to really fly you'd best not focus on the thin slice of the hipster or nostalgia market (if you want that market skip the restaurant biz and invent some retro-riffic plastic gewgaws to sell 'em). I'd suggest a very family friendly restaurant with a very cool lounge attached (which means you get to give the lounge a swell seperate name). And skip any notion of Polynesian food or fine dining. I'd go burgers, pizza, steaks, or some similar mix (with a volacano that erupts chilli). This is the sort of food that people come back to over and over (if it's good). The Red Robin I checked out last week had the same decor as the one I used to go to in college, all brass and clutter only dustier and worn out. It looked miserable to me but people were pouring through the door and waiting for a seat.

5: Music...Exotica might fly in the lounge, though it might work better on special nights. In the family friendly restaurant it would just be thought of as "elevator music". But some happy compromise could be found in the mix. Despite the gnashing of teeth and rolling of eyes in Tiki Central a heavy handful of reggae would be well received. It's the Ordinarys idea of exotic. If you want to educate people musically get a radio show, not a restaurant. In Seattle's O'hana restaurant they play reggae all the time. Sure, it's not exotica or geographically correct but sitting under their bar's thatch roof listening to reggae is far better than hearing modern alt pop one block away in the Lava Lounge.

6: "Could it be done?" Your best chances probably are with a sort of Red Robin-esque family Tiki joint (and you could put your heart into the lounge). Starting from scratch might be insane. Taking over an existing restaurant location and dolling it all up would make more sense (and there's probably a lot of restaurant or bar owners who'd love to sell their place to you). Or go even smaller and open one helluva Tiki cafe, terriaki joint, or donut shop. Or pour all your extra time and one tenth of the money into the most amazing home Tiki bar the world has ever seen, where the Denny and Lyman play, where never is heard the discouraging term "Chapter 7"...And the Mai Tais are drank night and day.