Post #288503 by Cammo on Tue, Feb 27, 2007 11:23 AM

Here’s something a bit more specific; the very first time outside forces introduced me to Retro Music. There was exactly one time when it felt like a two-by-four hit my head with a music style radically different and way more interesting than anything I had ever heard before.

There were skirmishes before, like when the Captain Kangaroo show used to play the Perry Como version of “Faraway Places” with a photo still of Hawaii. It was weird, the whole show would stop and they’d just play the song. I think Cappy was taking a ciggy break.

Or when that band played in front of the old town hall in the summer of ’68. They had these huge black boxes on each side of the stage, the size of Volkswagens.
“Those are the speakers!” my friend pointed out.
Yup, those were speakers all right.

We climbed the back of the stage to get a better look, where we could peak over, and the whole damn town was in front of us looking at this group playing. Our ears popped up over the edge and the sound hit us. It was so loud it made everything shake. The players were right below us, way down there, dressed in slick looking tuxedoes and strumming these great looking classical-type instruments. But there were microphones everywhere and lots of power lines all over the stage and that music was the loudest thing I had ever heard.

It was JAZZ they were playing, but I didn’t know that’s what you called it. It was wild, fast, loud jazz, and we loved it instantly. Ken and I hung on, smiling down at the whole town.

Or years later, when Buddy Rich played drums on “The Lucy Show”. If you’ve seen it, you know what I mean.

But the time everything snapped, or in this case sch-wanged was…

In the last year of high school we were ordered to attend an assembly to see a live musical. It was to take place in the gymnasium, with a small music theater group doing their best to bring us a “stage production”. My friends and I were into Led Zep, AC/DC, anything hard rockish. One friend was a bit of a freak because he loved the Kinks, but we put up with his oddball ideas about music because his older sister was real cute and his dad owned a WW2 German motorcycle. I got to ride it once through a flower bed. (The bike, not the girl.)

So we were herded into the gym, sneering at the crummy painted backdrops and corniness of the whole idea of seeing a musical in this modern day and age. We were 17 years old, fer crissakes! Men of the world! We sat down right at the front, a row of us, Ben, Colin, Serge, Richard. Most of us were would-be musicians, Richard especially could play a really fast guitar, Colin is still a part time folk singer. Pros.

We were ready to be amused.

The play started and it was a bit better than we had all imagined. It was kind of funny. The actors were really giving it a heave-ho effort. It’s hard to be aloof and uninvolved when you’re right up there in the first rows. It was kind of fun.

Then SHE came out. We hadn’t noticed this actress before, I think she was the comic foil of the lead character’s girlfriend. She had said a few funny things and exited stage right in the first act.

But now she was wearing this tight, bright fire-engine red dress with killer matching lipstick. Her skirt was pretty short, and from where we sat that was just fine. I forget the plot. The music and banter had stopped, and she paused, her eyes sweeping around the whole gym. Then back to the little area right in front of her, and she looked right at us. We sat there, squirming, trying not to be obvious about looking at her great legs. She was about, what, 27? Yow. She kept looking right at us, a little smirky smile growing on her lips. It was classic theater, draw your audience in, stare ‘em in the eye, let them know something really great is about to happen.

I mean, we had been to rock concerts and all! We were seasoned!

But this lady stared us down. Then WHAM! the recorded orchestra started up these wild horn notes. We hadn’t heard a big band brass section before, let alone one that tight. The notes blared out, screeching through the school’s lousy audio system. She marched right up to the edge of front center stage in perfect time to the music, clack clack clack with these big red pumps, glancing at us to make sure we were ready, and then she started her song.

“I GET TOO HUNGRY… FOR DINNER AT EIGHT!”
she yelled! Holy crap, she was LOUD! She was belting out these lyrics, and her whole body was bouncing up and down to the song –

"I LIKE THE THEATER… BUT NEVER GO LATE!” man, she was yelling so loud, she was spraying spit all over us front rowers! Her big red heels were slapping that stage HARD, we weren’t allowed to wear heeled shoes in the gym but she was smashing these big pumps up and down Bang! Bang! Bang! as hard as she could! Her chest, her snazzy little tummy, her rear was bouncing in time. The whole audience FROZE, the principal over there at the side of the isle, our guidance councilor sitting to our right, man they were watching this lady, their mouths were watering and their eyes did not blink! They had approved and paid for this musical – what had they got?

We froze too! What the hell was going on?

“I JUST DON’T BOTHER… WITH PEOPLE I HATE!” she shrieked, stretching upwards, her hands grabbing at an invisible wall of churning energy, her whole body arched up, her arms circling up and down, smoothing down her thighs, the dress getting shorter and shorter…

Damn she was good!

“AND SO THEY SAY,” and she posed, flipping her hips up in a grinding, sleazy, slow, frigging perfect from where we were sitting, classic burlesque move, and stopped, staring - - -

right at our principal - - -

“THE LADY IS A TRAMP!”, flinging her hair back.

Well, she plastered us against the seats. She was great. The best. That was her main song, and she did it right. A showstopper. At the end there was this big pause, and I looked across to my friends, and they all had these stupid grins on. Was Richard drooling?

Then we all cheered and applauded. Don’t know how she did it, but she was as good as the Stones. Better.

That was it. I hadda find out who wrote the song. (Rodgers & Hart, natch) There was other stuff out there, good stuff, where was it? Who was this Peggy Lee lady I kept hearing about? Les Baxter arranged what?

And who is this Basie guy?…