Post #326709 by TikiJosh on Mon, Aug 20, 2007 12:40 PM

Sheesh.
Not sure if I have tons of great advice.
Or even a little bit. I guess I've been pretty fortunate with the in-laws. My MIL actually got me tiki mugs for my birthday a few years ago! How awesome is that?! Sorry, don't mean to brag.

Personally, I think your mother-in-law needs to lighten up a bit. From the sound of things, though, I don't think that's going to happen. Some people don't understand, and don't want to understand why others would like and collect things like tikis. Maybe that's why your MIL is putting down your tikis. She doesn't like them and she's using her religion to sort of cover up her dislike. I think this is more personal than anything else. One of the people a few posts above put it this way-- "even if she didn't have religion, she'd be criticizing the paint color, or the way the kids are raised, etc." I'd bet that removing all the tikis wouldn't satisfy her. She'd just find something else to complain about.

Unfortunately, it also doesn't sound like pointing out her/your/our numerous faults under Old Testament law will help you, either. It sounds like she's destined to hate your tikis. I don't think that being confrontational will help anything. Starting a big row about this will only alienate the MIL, and your wife will feel even worse about the whole thing. You might not care much about the MIL, but she's still your wife's mom. And no matter what age she was when she left home, your wife loves her mom. Bet on it.

You could try to convince her that this is just art, a throwback to the good ol' days that don't exist anymore. Sounds like you tried that and failed.

I'd vote that you and your wife sit down and talk about the whole situation. Make sure you're both on the same page. If you decide that you're not covering up the tikis for a visit with the in-laws, then pick neutral ground or one of the other good suggestions.
I think it's incumbent on your wife to talk to her mom about some of this. She should explain that this is the type of art you two like, you chose it together, etc. If that doesn't jive with mom, then agree to meet elsewhere. Mom should also understand, if it's your joint decision, that you don't want to be bludgeoned with the religion stick anymore.

Talking to the pastor sounds like it might be a good idea, but it's also a little bit sneaky. It feels like "I don't have the courage to confront you myself, so I went behind your back and talked to your pastor to try and calm you down". I'm not saying that's what it is, but it can look that way, and the appearance of the thing is what will matter to MIL.

Sheesh.