My mother in-law has a problem with the Tikis I keep in my home. She's a very sweet lady mind you, but a "born again" Christian--which is the problem. She refuses to come over to our house because in her words, I keep "graven images" around. I've explained to her that the Tikis are merely artwork and that they're not prayed to. I just like the way they look and they're part of my interest in Polynesian pop art. Her reply is that they look like they're "straight out of hell." Anyway, it's created sort of a problem because my wife is now feeling bad that her mother won't come over. Her Dad doesn't have a problem with it, but I can't expect him to come over without his wife. I thought about putting them away when she's over, but why should I have to compromise something that I like in my own home? And the funny thing is, although it annoys me, I don't make an issue out of her "Jesus-this" and "Jesus-that" when I'm in her home. What to do?

Born Again Christian? Tell her you and your wife are seriously considering converting to Islam, but the Tikis won't let you.

WOW I thought having to have my father-in law over every Sunday so he can watch Nascar on the big screen was tuff. If my tikis would keep them away I would get more. Just kidding love my in laws. Trying to educate her was good but you know the old dog and new tricks saying. Is your collection so large it would be hard to remove prior to her visit? Do they visit often? If it can be removed, do it. Yes it is your home to decorate as you wish but you need to make the choice. Life is short and our parents will not be around forever. Enjoy their company while you still can. good luck.

Wait a minute. You're mother-in-law refuses to come to your house, and you view this as a problem? I'm confused.

On 2007-08-17 07:24, Tikinaut wrote:
My mother in-law has a problem with the Tikis I keep in my home. She's a very sweet lady mind you, but a "born again" Christian--which is the problem. She refuses to come over to our house because in her words, I keep "graven images" around. I've explained to her that the Tikis are merely artwork and that they're not prayed to. I just like the way they look and they're part of my interest in Polynesian pop art. Her reply is that they look like they're "straight out of hell." Anyway, it's created sort of a problem because my wife is now feeling bad that her mother won't come over. Her Dad doesn't have a problem with it, but I can't expect him to come over without his wife. I thought about putting them away when she's over, but why should I have to compromise something that I like in my own home? And the funny thing is, although it annoys me, I don't make an issue out of her "Jesus-this" and "Jesus-that" when I'm in her home. What to do?

This is why the ' Missionarys Downfall' was invented !!!

Step 1: Make sure your wife is 100% with you on tiki decoration. If she is, then see step 2. If she is wishy washy, she either needs to grow a spine or you need to ditch the tikis assuming you plan to be in the marriage long term.
Step 2: SET A BOUNDARY. It's your house and your rules. If mother in law refuses to visit, then see step 3 if she does visit see step 4.
Step 3: Visit her at her house.
Step 4: Set another boundary. Her discussion of religiosity is off limits in your house and if she brings it up show her the door. Seriously.

From a psychological standpoint if she is judgmental on religious issues she is likely to be judgmental period. If mother and daughter are enmeshed in such a way that mother is capable of bashing through her daughter's inital boundary setting to get her way anyway, then you really have trouble with a capital T.

Ultimately, decide if this is an Iwo Jima you're willing to go for. If it is then, fire all the guns at once...

I speak from experience with an intolerant aunt...

dude, all that graven image stuff is in the old testament... tell her that if she follows that she should follow the rest of mosaic law as well.

no pork chops for you!

If it keeps the mother-inlaw out of the house, GROG say buy more tikis!!!

Especially ones holding skulls.

Solution:

On 2007-08-17 09:00, GROG wrote:
Especially ones holding skulls.

while chanting nonsensical words, with tribal make-up!

seriously though...it is your home...and as mzoltarp suggested, you can always visit her home!

keep the tikis and ditch the wife!!!....and that freaky mother in law!! yeesh..why are religious people so wierd???!!

be glad she is not a ex smoker and reformed drinker.

On 2007-08-17 11:17, Tipsy McStagger wrote:
yeesh..why are religious people so wierd???!!

A difference of beliefs makes someone weird?

Uh Oh, here comes Hanford to make us play nice.

On 2007-08-17 14:01, bananabobs wrote:

On 2007-08-17 11:17, Tipsy McStagger wrote:
yeesh..why are religious people so wierd???!!

A difference of beliefs makes someone weird?

Uh Oh, here comes Hanford to make us play nice.

..no it does not..but behaving like a crazy person because of those beliefs does...

Wow! I cant tell you how sorry I am for you and your wife. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I hope there are'nt any grandkids in the middle of this.

I agree with what Mzoltarp said. You and your wife have to stand together otherwise next week it will be something else with this lady.

Good Luck!

Christians like your mother-in-law give Christians like myself a bad name . I would not compromise one iota . It's your house - period .

I feel your pain, Bro. My mother in law is fundamentalist Baptist, with an exceptionally narrow view. She got a bit nervous about our Tikis, so we told her they were just part of Polynesian folklore to scare away evil spirits, sort of like a jungle scarecrow. To my amazement, she was satisfied with this. Crazy thing is, she hasn't had a problem with our building an outdoor tiki bar. I don't think she's caught on to the tiki BAR aspect. Hoping she thinks we just plan to serve milkshakes.

No question she is taking a wholly unreasonable position. Is there any chance you could speak to her pastor and (assuming the pastor is more reasonable, which might be a long-shot),have them intercede on your behalf?

Yeah, Christians like your mother-in-law give Christians like sushiman a bad name.

I once had a lady ask me why I grew my hair long. And I mean she was giving me a very hard time about it, to a total stranger. With out giving her the satifaction, I said "because it makes me strong like Samson and handsome like Jesus." She didn't say anything to me after that.

I really have nothing nice to say about your situation brother. But I wish you the best in getting her to settle down on your collections. And yes, As stated above, I hope there aren't kids involved. I know they would miss their grandparent's very much if the situation couldn't be worked out.

OH!.. LOL... Next time she says something... say "Aloha" means Hello, AND Goodbye. Then point to the door.

Texas Tikiphiles Unite!

[ Edited by: Unkle John 2007-08-17 14:55 ]

I am a Elder at Calvary Chapel here in Thousand Oaks. We had a Married Couples evening last year and it was a Hawaii theme, all the usual flotsam was present including the Tiki in my signature. The Pastor insisted that we keep the decorations up for Sunday services including the Tiki.
I have 4 women in my house and I gave bikini tops to all the topless girls in my copy of BOT. They felt better and it's fine by me, you might do the same and sit down with the MIL and the BOT and explain how Tiki came to be. Also be sincere and ask for her to show you, in the Bible, how it would be wrong to have decorations like these or totem poles or a Bach statue or a David statue in your house. My wife is very uncomfortable with the Alcohol aspect of Tiki, she comes from an abusive alcoholic home. I enjoy Tiki but I love my wife so I am mindful of her exposure. Remember; happy wife, happy life. Hope that helps.

Wow, I wish I had that problem!!!

Perhaps this print by the very talented Doug Horne might help persuade her. :D ..........

Or.....Send her over the edge! :evil: It is available at http://www.swampfirelounge.com

[ Edited by: TIKI-TONGA 2007-08-17 19:32 ]

[ Edited by: TIKI-TONGA 2007-08-17 19:34 ]

Same old story:

"Your make believe god is offending my REAL GOD!"
"No, your make believe god is offending my REAL GOD!"
"Let's fight over it!"
"It's on!"

It just never ends, like kids in a school yard.

"Just remember I've got my force field on so you can't get me!"

This is both theologically astute and considerate of her beliefs.
And I think you should bring it up.

Many people point to one aspect of the law to suit their personal taste, like tattoos which are possibly mentioned once, and then they wolf down a ham sandwich and a pound of shrimp because they've been conveniently set free. Even though that's mentioned often and clearly.

I'm curious what Papa Toa Tane would advise about this.
In fact I'm curious as to where he is?

mmmmm, wolf sandwiches and a ham stuffed with shriiimmmp.
aaaagggghhhhhhh.

Reminds me of that old story where this guy showed up on an island or did he just cross some big ocean? Either way he crossed a big ocean. Anyways, he gets there and everyone totally looks foreign. Hmm, imagine that. Soon after the peoples that live there start to get sick and even change into something they are not. THEY even start to forget who they really are and who there families were. Some were actually robbed of their lands and more importantly, their pride.

Geez...does this question even merit an answer ?

Mother in Law hates Tiki.

Simple.Mother in Law Goes. Ralph Kramden and Fred Flintstone would be ashamed of you. :)

I have a bunch of born-again relatives, and fortunately they're all totally cool with my tiki bar. Turn on an episode of the Simpsons though, and they hit the roof!

Speaking as a former Christian cult member, I don't think you'll have much success convincing her that her beliefs are wrong in a confrontational way unless you have her kidnapped and deprogrammed in a motel room...:) Your best bet is to "pile coals on her head" by telling her that you love her (try not to gag) and would never do anything to deliberately offend her BUT a) Christ released gentiles from following Mosaic law, and b) you've studied the Gospels extensively as a result of this situation and the only injunction against graven images that you can find is Paul's command in 1 Corinthians 10:14-32 not to eat meat sacrificed to idols.

If that doesn't work, then try to move all of your tiki stuff into a single room (good excuse to build a bar if you're looking for one) that you can lock when she comes over, or talk to her pastor on the QT to find out if he's sympathetic to your plight and can intercede with her.

I was raised as a Christian. Went to Sunday school until I was 12. Was an altar boy. Did bible camp and youth groups. However, as I got older I came to realize that the people whom I worshipped with just created more division in the world. It's as if the closer they thought they were to God the more weird/arrogant/violent they became. And I just decided one day that I didn't want to be around that nonsense anymore.

I will always respect and be tolerable of other people's right to peacefully worship as they choose. But please don't force your beliefs on me. That's when I get pissed off.

As such, if my mother inlaw can't tolerate my Tikis (which I don't worship), then so be it. As an individual that's who I am. If she can't accept that then there's the front door.

On 2007-08-18 05:48, Tikinaut wrote:
I just decided one day that I didn't want to be around that nonsense anymore.

I totally understand. I came from pretty much the same background and reached the same conclusions.

As such, if my mother inlaw can't tolerate my Tikis (which I don't worship), then so be it. As an individual that's who I am. If she can't accept that then there's the front door.

But you're not the only part of the equation here. Your wife is involved as well. Is she willing to stand up to her with you? If not, then you're basically showing her the front door too.