Post #330883 by Bay Park Buzzy on Fri, Sep 7, 2007 2:10 AM

Ahhhhhh! Time to answer my recent fan mail....

On 2007-09-06 05:43, Cammo wrote:
Hey Buzzy -
Does an "old guy' like yourself who has carved over 200+ Tikis have any advice for us fresh faced first time carver untalented slack jawed "young guys"?

Old guy? 200+ tikis? Not quite! I only did about 123 carvings on pieces of wood so far. I call those carvings "tikis" because there are these collector guys out there who will buy anything that you call a "tiki." Some are even kind of obsessive about it. Furthermore, I can't be an "old guy" because I've only been carving for two years. I kind of forgot about my carving anniversary in all the Oasis proceedings. It was in August some time. I'm totally new at this. I have been pretty busy in the last couple years:
110 pages on my thread
1079 TC posts
123 carvings
20 custom signs
6 stickers
(Geez! Getting close to 108,000 views. thanks for looking folks)

Oh yeah, back to the question...
My advice to you new guys: Try to make the transition from wood carving to mug producing and sales as fast as you possibly can. I would recommend that you attain some notoriety through your skills as a tiki carver, and then cash in on your reputation to go where the real money is in tiki: MUGS!
On second thought new guys, just skip the carving part and go straight to mug making. All of you. There needs to be more mugs made. Many, many, more mug makers too. the market needs them!

I really want to know, cause I got no idea what to carve next. I lay awake at night waiting for inspiration to come. It doesn't.

Before you carve a tiki, you must do the proper research, and from that research will come your inspiration. You should enroll in a college with a major in Polynesian Studies. After obtaining a BA in that major and receiving your diploma, you will then, and only then, be qualified to carve a tiki. Otherwise, you're just slapping a face on a log. There's no mana in that. Speaking of mana, when the professor starts talikng about that in class, take a lot of notes, because that has something to do with making tikis.

Like, what IS Tiki anyway? And what exactly are those Tiki mugs everybody seems to be drinking Slurpies out of?!...

Tiki-the new home of disenfranchised Rockabilly and Hot Rod Dudes, and more importantly, their ladies. The rockabilly guys are welcome in the Tiki scene because they usually have attractive women with them.
Tiki Mugs are like shot glasses for pussies.
The slurpies-drinks for people who hate the taste of drinks

What "old guy" and "new guy" crap are you talking about, Billy Spudnick?

Old guy or new guy: I'd be embarrassed if I qualified as either one of those.
Just as there is only one type of "guy" that matters, there is only one "list" that matters:

THE TIKI GUY LIST

1. SoccerTiki
2. Buzzy

(the list ends there)

Oh boy, it looks like I made the only list that matters. Old guys, you all can kiss my Tiki Guy ass! New guys, you're cool with me and under my radar until you qualify as an old guy. then you too, can look forward to an eternity of kissing my Tiki Guy ass!

I awoke this morning devoid of ANY inspiration. My brain is as dry of ideas as a peppercorn on a Las Vegas sidewalk at noon.

There is no such thing as inspiration. It's all just a Book of Tiki space time infinity continuum. Someone from the future brought a book of tiki back in time, so then all future tiki, which was actually our past, was based on the book, which was actually based on the past, which then resulted in the future of tiki. So tiki is stuck in a loop, and cannot change because the future of tiki will always be defined by the past. You do not need new ideas: That is the beauty of tiki!

Buzzy, we all need your advice! Please, what is this Tiki stuff?

Tiki is about getting pissed off at other people who like tiki too because they do tiki differently than you. It's kind of like a religion devoid of deities with actual foundations.

Is a mug Tiki?

Lacking any sort of archeological evidence of ceramic tiki mug use by island cultures, I would say that they definitely are Tiki. Without a doubt. And, if you say anything bad about them, you will be ostracized from the tiki clan. Then you will be a ronin and end up in limbo and purgatory.

Is Kona coffee to put in the mug Tiki?

Only if you pour rum in it and some sort of fruit garnish. You have to name the drink too, otherwise you're just a drunk.

Is this Elvis 'Blue Hawaii' salt and pepper shaker set Tiki?

Tiki people lump Elvis out of desperationin with the tiki thing because he had a room full of witcos . As if the king would associate with common tiki folk. He'd laugh at tiki people. The best tiki could attract was Todd Rundgren. Elvis > Todd R.

What do I carve next? I'm soooo confused!

Do a Moai. There will never be enough. They always sell too.

On 2007-09-06 15:14, Tornhalo wrote:
I vote for a Buffy the Vampire Slayer "Totem Pole".

I can legally do that! I'm a Native American Old Guy. I have a degree in Native American Studies. Sweet!

Bowana: I'll loan you a piece of ficus, but you have to return it after your done carving it, and return it promptly!

Gman: Do not look directly into the eye!

In the future, more work, less talk.
Buzzy Out!

[ Edited by: Bay Park Buzzy 2007-09-07 02:28 ]