Shoelaces Are Not Worms - Bilge

W woofmutt Member Seattilite Telstar Joined: Mar 26, 2002 Posts: 2639	W woofmutt Posted posted on Tue, Jun 10, 2008 12:49 AM I'm sorry but I just have to state the obvious: Shoelaces are not worms. Admittedly they have many things in common: They are both long and thin. Both are frequently covered in mud. They are popular with birds. (Though for different purposes.) They go in/come out of holes. Both have 5 hearts. They are popular with fisherman. (Again, for different purposes.) Babies like to chew on them. Both worms and shoelaces play heavily in ancient post-Aztecan dance rituals. Other than those few similarities worms and shoelaces are strikingly different. Most of you probably see where I'm coming from with this... I once again sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding with the timing of Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! I in no way meant to take away from Dogbyte's annual Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut. For the last 7 years I have been a major supporter of the Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk. I not only designed this year's poster but last year's as well. And the year before that. But not the year before that because I was pissed about a vintage Tupperware salad set that Dogbytes beat me to at a rummage sale. I was the designer of the Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk O-Worma worm bin mug...And I took full responsibility for ordering so few and the chaos, bloodshed, and eventual manslaughter charges that resulted. (But hey, you beat the rap ______, and more importantly you got one of the O-Worma bins!) The simple facts about Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! are this: I have approximately 12,350 shoe lace sets in my collection and for years many of you have heard my drunken boasts as to how some random June day I was going to blow them all sky high with a case of M-80s that somehow disappeared from the evidence room and reappeared in the trunk of my car. (Unlike many of you frowning skeptics, I believe in magic.) As so many of you will be in town for Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut it seemed like an ideal time to light the fuse. And, yes, there is a Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! mug and no Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut mug this year...But that was not meant as some sort of "come on" to pull people away from Dogbyte's event. It just happened that way. And the Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! mug is sold out anyway. (Again, sorry for ordering so few. And sorry for all the sliced off finger tips...I didn't know the mug edges would be so sharp or that all of you who attended the pre-sale would be so grabby.) Ultimately I feel I am underserving of all the nasty comments, hate email, rocks thrown through my trailer window, or the full page "We The Undersigned HATE Woofmutt" ad in yesterday's USA Today. (And while I'm not saying most of the signatures in the USA Today ad were fakes I would like to point out that 1,690 of the supposed signers were named either Betty, Wilma, Barney, or Fred.) Most of you have made up your minds, but here are the facts: Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut is happening June 14th on the south east corner of 12th AVE NW & Intermingle Blvd Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! is happening the same day on the north east corner of the same intersection. Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut will feature 19 different types of worms and 25 different types of cake. Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! has no refreshments of any kind. Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut will take place from 9 AM-5 PM. Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! will happen from approximately 5:05-5:09 PM. People attending Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut won't even have to cross Intermingle Blvd to observe Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!!. All they'll have to do is look slightly north, plug their ears, watch the explosion, and wait for my subsequent arrest. So there you have it. I hope this made things clear and I hope to see many of you this Saturday. Now please, shut the hell up.

I'm sorry but I just have to state the obvious: Shoelaces are not worms.

Admittedly they have many things in common:

They are both long and thin.
Both are frequently covered in mud.
They are popular with birds. (Though for different purposes.)
They go in/come out of holes.
Both have 5 hearts.
They are popular with fisherman. (Again, for different purposes.)
Babies like to chew on them.
Both worms and shoelaces play heavily in ancient post-Aztecan dance rituals.

Other than those few similarities worms and shoelaces are strikingly different.

Most of you probably see where I'm coming from with this...

I once again sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding with the timing of Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! I in no way meant to take away from Dogbyte's annual Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut.

For the last 7 years I have been a major supporter of the Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk. I not only designed this year's poster but last year's as well. And the year before that. But not the year before that because I was pissed about a vintage Tupperware salad set that Dogbytes beat me to at a rummage sale.

I was the designer of the Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk O-Worma worm bin mug...And I took full responsibility for ordering so few and the chaos, bloodshed, and eventual manslaughter charges that resulted. (But hey, you beat the rap ______, and more importantly you got one of the O-Worma bins!)

The simple facts about Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! are this: I have approximately 12,350 shoe lace sets in my collection and for years many of you have heard my drunken boasts as to how some random June day I was going to blow them all sky high with a case of M-80s that somehow disappeared from the evidence room and reappeared in the trunk of my car. (Unlike many of you frowning skeptics, I believe in magic.) As so many of you will be in town for Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut it seemed like an ideal time to light the fuse.

And, yes, there is a Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! mug and no Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut mug this year...But that was not meant as some sort of "come on" to pull people away from Dogbyte's event. It just happened that way. And the Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! mug is sold out anyway. (Again, sorry for ordering so few. And sorry for all the sliced off finger tips...I didn't know the mug edges would be so sharp or that all of you who attended the pre-sale would be so grabby.)

Ultimately I feel I am underserving of all the nasty comments, hate email, rocks thrown through my trailer window, or the full page "We The Undersigned HATE Woofmutt" ad in yesterday's USA Today. (And while I'm not saying most of the signatures in the USA Today ad were fakes I would like to point out that 1,690 of the supposed signers were named either Betty, Wilma, Barney, or Fred.)

Most of you have made up your minds, but here are the facts:

Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut is happening June 14th on the south east corner of 12th AVE NW & Intermingle Blvd

Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! is happening the same day on the north east corner of the same intersection.

Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut will feature 19 different types of worms and 25 different types of cake.

Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! has no refreshments of any kind.

Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut will take place from 9 AM-5 PM.

Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! will happen from approximately 5:05-5:09 PM.

People attending Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut won't even have to cross Intermingle Blvd to observe Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!!. All they'll have to do is look slightly north, plug their ears, watch the explosion, and wait for my subsequent arrest.

So there you have it. I hope this made things clear and I hope to see many of you this Saturday.

Now please, shut the hell up.

Post #385905 by woofmutt on Tue, Jun 10, 2008 12:49 AM