Shoelaces Are Not Worms

I'm sorry but I just have to state the obvious: Shoelaces are not worms.

Admittedly they have many things in common:

They are both long and thin.
Both are frequently covered in mud.
They are popular with birds. (Though for different purposes.)
They go in/come out of holes.
Both have 5 hearts.
They are popular with fisherman. (Again, for different purposes.)
Babies like to chew on them.
Both worms and shoelaces play heavily in ancient post-Aztecan dance rituals.

Other than those few similarities worms and shoelaces are strikingly different.

Most of you probably see where I'm coming from with this...

I once again sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding with the timing of Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! I in no way meant to take away from Dogbyte's annual Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut.

For the last 7 years I have been a major supporter of the Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk. I not only designed this year's poster but last year's as well. And the year before that. But not the year before that because I was pissed about a vintage Tupperware salad set that Dogbytes beat me to at a rummage sale.

I was the designer of the Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk O-Worma worm bin mug...And I took full responsibility for ordering so few and the chaos, bloodshed, and eventual manslaughter charges that resulted. (But hey, you beat the rap ______, and more importantly you got one of the O-Worma bins!)

The simple facts about Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! are this: I have approximately 12,350 shoe lace sets in my collection and for years many of you have heard my drunken boasts as to how some random June day I was going to blow them all sky high with a case of M-80s that somehow disappeared from the evidence room and reappeared in the trunk of my car. (Unlike many of you frowning skeptics, I believe in magic.) As so many of you will be in town for Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut it seemed like an ideal time to light the fuse.

And, yes, there is a Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! mug and no Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut mug this year...But that was not meant as some sort of "come on" to pull people away from Dogbyte's event. It just happened that way. And the Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! mug is sold out anyway. (Again, sorry for ordering so few. And sorry for all the sliced off finger tips...I didn't know the mug edges would be so sharp or that all of you who attended the pre-sale would be so grabby.)

Ultimately I feel I am underserving of all the nasty comments, hate email, rocks thrown through my trailer window, or the full page "We The Undersigned HATE Woofmutt" ad in yesterday's USA Today. (And while I'm not saying most of the signatures in the USA Today ad were fakes I would like to point out that 1,690 of the supposed signers were named either Betty, Wilma, Barney, or Fred.)

Most of you have made up your minds, but here are the facts:

Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut is happening June 14th on the south east corner of 12th AVE NW & Intermingle Blvd

Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! is happening the same day on the north east corner of the same intersection.

Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut will feature 19 different types of worms and 25 different types of cake.

Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! has no refreshments of any kind.

Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut will take place from 9 AM-5 PM.

Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! will happen from approximately 5:05-5:09 PM.

People attending Dogbyte's Wide Wide Wiggly World of Worms Circus and Cake Walk: The FINAL Cut won't even have to cross Intermingle Blvd to observe Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!!. All they'll have to do is look slightly north, plug their ears, watch the explosion, and wait for my subsequent arrest.

So there you have it. I hope this made things clear and I hope to see many of you this Saturday.

Now please, shut the hell up.

**Nice.

To the person who was apparently in my driveway pouring sweet-n-sour sauce all over my car while I was writing the above post:**

You can put me down for a mug.

why is this burried in Bilge? have you got something to hide Woof?

:lol: wow.

do worms like pie?

On 2008-06-10 00:52, woofmutt wrote:
**Nice.

To the person who was apparently in my driveway pouring sweet-n-sour sauce all over my car while I was writing the above post:**

i'm being framed. i suspect racial profiling.

Lacist!!!

:lol:

rodney chung king

I ammmm fiiiindddding ittt sooo difficulllllllllt to tttttype since myyiiiyyy finggggertips werrrre sliceeeed and diccced by....my shooooeless joeeee mug. I waaas everrrrr sooo exxxxciteddd to purccchassse thhhhe muuuug over eeeeebbbbbaaaay and ittt was deeelivered direcccctly toooo my frontt dor. Openingggg the packaaaage left a hhhuge blood stannnnnne on the caaarpet thaaat I wiiil neverrr get outtt and nooow I ammm unabbble to eeeeven tiiie my owwwn shooolaaaaces wittth theeeese nubs. Dammmm yuuuu MUTTTTTT!!!!!

"Dammmm yuuuu MUTTTTTT!!!!!" -VampiressRN-

When I set out to make the Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! mug I thought "There are mugs that cause pain to my eyes because they are so damned ugly, and there are mugs that cause emotional pain due to limited supply and hurt feelings...Why not a mug that causes actual physical pain!"

Unfortunately the CAUTION! Extremely Sharp Edges! Not Meant For Actual Use! stickers were sort of stuck to the Made In China stickers and when I tore off the Made In China (I had to take them off or the mugs wouldn't fit in the shipping boxes) the Caution stickers came off as well.

"You can put me down for a mug." -Sweet Daddy Tiki-

Sorry, your mug got broke before I could ship it. This has nothing to do with the fact that the mugs are now going for around $250 on eBay. No, not at all. See, I live right over a very rare "hairline" fault which occasionally causes slight tremors only in my house and that's how your mug (and 5 others) got broke. I feel terrible.

For those still interested in getting a Woofmutt's Fantabulous Shoelace Explosionmajig!!! mug: I will be listing my last six later this week on eBay.

Found this thread by accident. I must have been reacting to something but now I can't recall what.

When you're a loose cannon like me (just ask the Chief of Police) you fly off the handle at so many things you eventually lose track of what set you off.

On 2010-09-07 11:03, woofmutt wrote:
Found this thread by accident. I must have been reacting to something but now I can't recall what.

When you're a loose cannon like me you fly off the handle at so many things you eventually lose track of what set you off.

I don't know anything about THAT!

i was looking for sumthin....but i forgot. it was either worms or shoelaces. can't seem to remember.