Post #398974 by woofmutt on Tue, Aug 5, 2008 4:28 AM

...If you have two straws you can stick em' up your nose and pretend to be a walrus.

You can, except according to Beartraum's Comprehensive Guide To Table Antics Old and New:

In his groundbreaking paper, Mammal Imitation Table Antics, Dr. Rolph Zingue noted that every legitimate recorded account of the Walrus Imitation has not only cited chopsticks as the table items used to simulate walrus teeth but also the insertion of the chopsticks between the upper lip and gum and not in the nose as some would believe. Straws were never considered an acceptable substitute for chopsticks when doing the Walrus Imitation. This means that the Walrus Imitation is a table antic that has historically been done almost exclusively in Chinese restaurants. With the rise in popularity of Chinese take out in the late 20th century home versions of the Walrus Imitation became more common. When asked whether straws placed in the nose could be considered a variation of the Walrus Imitation Dr. Zingue replied "Placing straws in your nose could at best only be described as making an ass of yourself."