BPB
Joined: Apr 07, 2006
Posts: 3066
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BPB
On 2008-10-02 19:00, tikifreak1 wrote:
Buzz? Can we be tiki-guys too?
It's not for me to decide or determine if you can be or are a Tiki-Guy. To be regarded as a true Tiki Guy, the public at large must be able to see and classify you as a Tiki Guy. The standards are very high, and only the fewest of the few can actually legally use the title of Tiki Guy.
I did, however, send your pictures to a Tiki Guy review panel composed of members of the public at large for evaluation and certification, to see if you guys were certifiably Tiki Guyed yet. Here's the results and notations from the panel:
Subject #1
Panel Review: Fail
Visual Evidence Review: Fail
Certification: Denied
Findings: Glasses are okay indoors, but must be placed one inch above eyes and racoon eye tan lines must be visible, even in low light conditions
The pendant is fine, but necklace cords made from animal products, as opposed to hemp, would be preferable.
You need to gain 100 pounds
Is that the same shirt that guy on the fishing show on tv was wearing?
The only way a Tiki Guy would wear pants like that was if he cut the legs off.
Shoes should only have velcro or stretchy straps. Shoes like those are for sober guys.
Nice tiki in your hand, but consider this: Your other hand has a drink that you "invented" and named in it. How are you going to stir your drink with that tiki in your hand? That's why you have Tiki mugs! You have a tiki and a drink and still have a free hand.
Thank you for you submittal for panel review.
Subject #2
Panel Review: Fail
Visual Evidence Review: Fail
Certification: Denied
Findings:
First off, you look too healthy to be a Tiki Guy. You need to look like you have some disease that people are being too polite to ask you what's wrong with you when they look at you. Try eating like Elvis for a while.
You look like you just got off work. Are those "work" pants? Tiki Guy and work do not go together. Career work for a Tiki Guy is being on disability. Occupational Tiki Guy work is refining your signature drink. You cannot look like you work a job, at all. You have to look like you do nothing but sit around and drink and eat appetizers all day like life is some sort of endless happy hour. Get some baggy cargo shorts with lots of pockets instead. And lose the job. Try to get carpal tunnel syndrome so it can be the cause of your new career change
Shoes: Tiki Guys are punkers who grew up. Lose the Vans. You can transition first with flip flops, but as you increase your daily alcohol consumption, you'll need strappy mandals.
You need to get fat. Real fat. Especially on your face.
Tshirts are okay, but only if they are from a tiki event and you wear them under a Hawaiian shirt(vintage)
It looks like you natural instinct is to carry a tiki. That's great, just switch it with a mug and fill it with booze.
Thank you for you submittal for panel review.
Oh well! Cheer up guys, at least you're having fun! Right...
Tiki Guys, who needs 'em?
Buzzy Out!
[ Edited by: Bay Park Buzzy 2008-10-16 22:42 ]
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