Post #431521 by Bay Park Buzzy on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 7:33 PM

On 2009-01-29 13:06, MadDogMike wrote:
OK Buzzy, I bought a bright shirt in a color I usually wouldn't wear, then made a ceramic matching mug.

Will that qualify me as a Tiki Guy?

Oh Mike, Mike, Mike...
I am so glad you came seeking the Tiki Guy certification. However, I may have some bad news for you.

You really need help, son.
First, I can answer your "Will THAT qualify me as a Tiki Guy?" question by asking you if you have the answer to this question: "Will WHAT qualify you as a Tiki Guy?" Certainly nothing I see in that picture.

The answer to your question, and the reason you are not a Tiki Guy dressed like that, are one and the same: (In my best BigBro accent: ) "Where are your tikis, Tiki Guy?"

A Tiki Guy MUST have TIKIS! Somewhere...

That's the first, and most obvious problem that you have. Let's go down the list:

Setting. Check out your environment. What are you standing in front of? A plain wall? If that was a picture of a real Tiki Guy, it would be of him in one of the following settings:

At an event with a corresponding TC event thread, (except for a BTD surf show evet), standing next to another TC Tiki Guy or the bartender.

At any functioning, open tiki bar

Next to any tiki, or tiki style structure found while travelling or on an urban archeological expedition

Posing in your own home bar/tiki room setting

At a minimum, grab a 4 x 8 sheet of lahala matting and staple it to your wall behing you. A little bamboo will go a long way to some Tiki Guy credibility.

The mug, while well executed on your part, has several things about it which are of major concern.

First of all, I do not think I need to point out that technically, that is not a "Tiki Mug" in your hand. A Tiki Guy always has a mug with a tiki on it, and there is no tiki on that mug. It's nice that it matches the shirt, but if you want that look, it would be more appropriate to have a vintage mug with a shirt that used that same vintage mug as one of its graphics.

Next, I have to ask: What's in that mug? Looks like nothing. A real Tiki Guy's mug would have all kinds of sweat on the outside of it because it was filled with a drink all day.
I also see no straws, umbrellas, garnishs, etc. on it. Any drink worth drinking to a Tiki Guy is worth making properly. At least make a stirrer stick. Preferably with a tiki on it

This isn't essential, but it may be helpful: You may want to get a larger mug than that. Your going to lose weight running up and down to fix a new drink every ten minutes with a mug that small.

Which brings me to the next area that needs a little work: your weight. Looking a little light there, slim jim. Think bacon and booze. You might want to switch to drinking heavy beer during the day just until you pack on a few pounds. It usually isn't acceptable to drink beer as a Tiki Guy, but for this purpose it is actually recommended. If you're excercising, quit that immediately.

The shirt is nice, but as you should well be aware by now, Hawaii is only marginally related to tiki, and therefore, Hawaiian shirts just barely qualify as acceptable. Samoa, on the other hand, certainly does not qualify. (I'm not going to go into all the reasons why not, beacause that is way off topic of the original intent of this thread and should be adresssed in another forum.) While acceptable at a tiki event, it is neither noteworthy or distinct, and therefore is unacceptable to wear by a true Tiki Guy. It needs to be louder. It needs to have tikis. Your tiki shirt should be able to signal a rescue helicopter with its brightness, or cause epileptics to have sudden, jolting seizures. That shirt looks like something you would wear to an outrigger gathering so you wouldn't have to be afraid of some big Samoans kicking your ass the whole time. Or some Marine dude stationed in Okanawa after his first leave to an exotic local. "Hey Ma, I just got back from Samoa and...."

Finally, wearing a pendant without a tiki on it is acceptable, but wearing a Tiki pendant is mandatory! You can have both, but if you only have one, it needs to be a tiki pendant.

You've come a long way MadDogMike, but you have even further to go.

Maybe you're trying too hard. It should come naturally. Kind of like manhood does.

Buzzy Out!