Post #453049 by Cammo on Mon, May 11, 2009 7:29 AM

As I was standing in line with the three people I had convinced to actually GET in line for the new Star Trek movie, I realized that the line had wandered around a bit and was putting us right at the entrance for the Hannah Montana movie. The movie was in progress, and somebody had left the door open.

What the heck? I walked in to see what all the fuss was about. Comparing and contrasting Hannah to Star Trek.

So the thing with this Hannah movie is, it’s REALLY bad. So off the map, down in the gutter, washed into the sewer bad that only people with 3 year old mentalities could survive it without permanent mental damage. They seem to be made by cocaine-pumped Hollywood dropouts who really don’t care about reality or at least have an ongoing distaste for it.

Even the soundtrack is bad. Not the songs, which were terrible, just the mating of sound to image was off a lot. And the camera doesn’t seem to know what to do with Ms. Cyrus. Is she outraged? Is she happy? Sad? We never quite know. The camera cuts back and forth to her for no reason, at times when she doesn’t really have a lot to do with the plots swirling around her. Its all very confusing.

I looked at the audience. They seemed to be embarrassed to be there, the median age was about 19. Jeez, shouldn’t these kids be on drugs, annoying their parents and hanging out at the beach on a Saturday afternoon? What’s wrong with them? Where is their STYLE?

Why are they here?

The theme of Hannah Montana seems to be that Hannah rules the universe. That’s the attraction. She lifts her finger, or looks a tiny little bit … dissatisfied… and adults run around yelling at each other, asking Hannah what’s wrong. It’s great to be Hannah. She’s incredibly rich, the center of the world’s attention, she lives on this, oh crap, go see the movie if you’re that into it. I ain’t.

What’s interesting is how totally opposite this all is to real life for a pop star. Teeny pop stars have to do EVERYTHING the studio says, when the execs say it and how. They have no personal life, they are not allowed to have fun and most of the time they sit in makeup chairs (Hannah had a lot of pancake on, like about ½” thick on her cheeks, even when relaxing around the campfire) being told how ugly they are and how makeup will save them from a life of drudgery. God help us when this generation hits the streets.

Finally, I didn’t find Miley Cyrus all that cute. She squints a lot. Her chin is kind of strange looking, it looks like she got in some fights in grade 6. She can’t dance. And her singing is pretty thin. She seems to sit around a lot, brushing her hair, looking like she doesn't know the camera is rolling.

What the…?