Post #459286 by tiki-riviera on Fri, Jun 5, 2009 10:28 AM

There are many many more reasons why Tiki-Riviera sucks besides his T-bird and Blue Hawaiians,
here are but a few:

1. Is relatively stupid, yet has a high paying job where he does almost nothing.

2. Has "borrowed" many mugs and artifacts from the Monkeyskull Voodoo lounge and the
   Rongo Rongo room and has yet to be caught.

3. Can't sing, has no rhythm and is legally tone deaf yet women find his dancing highly
   hypnotic and arousing.

4. At parties he often double and even triple dips.

5. Is the victim of unusually vivid dreams of Victoria Secret models hot oil wrestling for
   the honor of feeding him grapes and Mai Tai's.

6. Once was walking thru the park, tripped over nothing and fell on his face, rolled over and
   found a wallet with $5,700 cash and no I.D. go figure

7. His daughter is 20% cuter than him and 40% cuter than Mrs Riviera.

8. Before her untimely demise, Mrs Riviera lived only to cook, clean, obey, serve, pleasure
   and make money for him.

9. Eats hamburgers, hot dogs, tacos, milkshakes, cookies, pizza and pez every day but can't gain weight.

10. Is a close personal friend of Woofmutt E. Snodgrass, a reclusive cur of a hermit who lives in an
    undisclosed location in a windowless underground lair with the world's only remaining stock of
    Brill Cream and Pop Rocks.

11. Was given the world's only authentic Blue Hawaiian recipe from Trader Vic himself.

This list could be endless, so I'll let others finish it.