Post #494659 by monkeyskull on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 9:59 AM

Dear LLT,

I know that gurus often provide us answers in the form of a puzzle, and perhaps your response was meant to be inscrutable, and to lead me down the road to finding my own answers. But it is difficult to be contemplative when the back of your pants are coated with Ivars [sic] tartar sauce and you have little packets of jelly stuck to the back of your head, so I'm requesting a little more help.

You seem to attribute the behavior of my friend (to maintain his anonymity I will refer to him as "Woofmutt X") to his being a "Buddhist." But I'm not sure which type of Bud this refers to. Are you saying that he's a devotee of marijuana, or of Budweiser beer? Also, with regrets, all your talk of "om" and this and that totally went over my head, as I have not seen most of the Star Wars films.

So I am still at a loss over how to communicate in a mature way with "Woofmutt X." Also, since I last wrote you, Woofmutt X secretly dumped out my bottle of falernum and refilled it with Cherry-flavored Phillips Milk of Magnesia. If you don't think this could make a big difference in your Mai Tais and Zombies, I assure you from painful experience that you would be wrong. The Woofmutt X situation is becoming increasingly aggravating, so if you have any more concrete advice in terms that I can understand, this would be much appreciated.