Things I've learned while really drunk: - Beyond Tiki

F freddiefreelance Member San Diego, Ca. Joined: Feb 15, 2003 Posts: 3006	F freddiefreelance Posted posted on Fri, Aug 29, 2003 12:36 PM Don't tell the nice policeman: "No, that's not how you frisk someone! Let me show you..." Don't sleep with anyone you wouldn't sleep with while sober. 2a. Most women don't like you to puke on'em during sex, and you don't want the other kind. 2b. And that girl who starts making out with you in the bar 'cause you're good @ darts probably isn't a good idea, either. Punching out a plate glass window is NEVER a good idea. 3a. Kicking one out isn't much better. "Why don't we make a Love Sandwich? You two can be the bread & I'll be the Meat!" isn't a very successful pick-up line. If you try to ride your motorcycle drunk from Sherman Oaks to Pasadena you may find yourself discovering the back roads to Simi Valley instead. Don't piss on a Cops rear tire while he's stopped @ a red light. Don't leave your friends little brother handcuffed to a telephone pole, no matter how much of an annoying little tag-along he is. Peanut butter, hard salami, Miracle Whip, & bread-n-butter pickles make a better sandwich than you'd think. You buy interesting things in the supermarket if you do your food shopping drunk/stoned & hungry. Most jobs don't like it when you show up to work drunk on New Years Eve, bite someone trying to get into the parking lot, kick in the door to a salesman's office, have sex with a girl on said salesman's office floor, & pass out in a puddle of your own Blackberry Brandy scented puke under the receptionist's desk (luckily they never figured out it was me). Other things that seemed like a good idea @ the time: Performing oral sex on a girl onstage during a Damned concert in Brooklyn, drinking a 5th of Canadian Club in the Hollywood Palladium during a Ramones/Black Flag/Minutemen show & biting a bouncer, trying to sneak my passed out girlfriend into her bed past her very religious parents, putting cigarettes out on various body parts, moving to Vegas, getting a station wagon airborne, having naked pictures of me posted on the internet, throwing all the furniture out the window at the dumpster 3 stories down, playing rugby, throwing bottles @ police officers... I used to be pretty angry, but I'm feeling much better now.

Don't tell the nice policeman: "No, that's not how you frisk someone! Let me show you..."
Don't sleep with anyone you wouldn't sleep with while sober.

2a. Most women don't like you to puke on'em during sex, and you don't want the other kind.

2b. And that girl who starts making out with you in the bar 'cause you're good @ darts probably isn't a good idea, either.

Punching out a plate glass window is NEVER a good idea.

3a. Kicking one out isn't much better.

"Why don't we make a Love Sandwich? You two can be the bread & I'll be the Meat!" isn't a very successful pick-up line.
If you try to ride your motorcycle drunk from Sherman Oaks to Pasadena you may find yourself discovering the back roads to Simi Valley instead.
Don't piss on a Cops rear tire while he's stopped @ a red light.
Don't leave your friends little brother handcuffed to a telephone pole, no matter how much of an annoying little tag-along he is.
Peanut butter, hard salami, Miracle Whip, & bread-n-butter pickles make a better sandwich than you'd think.
You buy interesting things in the supermarket if you do your food shopping drunk/stoned & hungry.
Most jobs don't like it when you show up to work drunk on New Years Eve, bite someone trying to get into the parking lot, kick in the door to a salesman's office, have sex with a girl on said salesman's office floor, & pass out in a puddle of your own Blackberry Brandy scented puke under the receptionist's desk (luckily they never figured out it was me).
Other things that seemed like a good idea @ the time: Performing oral sex on a girl onstage during a Damned concert in Brooklyn, drinking a 5th of Canadian Club in the Hollywood Palladium during a Ramones/Black Flag/Minutemen show & biting a bouncer, trying to sneak my passed out girlfriend into her bed past her very religious parents, putting cigarettes out on various body parts, moving to Vegas, getting a station wagon airborne, having naked pictures of me posted on the internet, throwing all the furniture out the window at the dumpster 3 stories down, playing rugby, throwing bottles @ police officers...

I used to be pretty angry, but I'm feeling much better now.

Post #49654 by freddiefreelance on Fri, Aug 29, 2003 12:36 PM