Post #621924 by woofmutt on Sun, Jan 22, 2012 12:36 AM

Because I am so chock full of love (and other stuff) I send out valentines every year to all sorts of people. Even though I'm always hoping to get lucky none of these valentines are ever romantic in nature. How do I manage to send interesting valentines which don't mention "making whoopee" or have coupons in them for a free kiss? I make my own.

"Oh that's easy for you to do, Woofmutt, you're an almost talented artsy-fartsy type who can occasionally turn out something that isn't complete crap! What about the rest of us who can barely tell a pencil from a dose of penicillin?"

Thanks! I'm also witty. And I'm also lazy. If I'm gonna crank out a few dozen valentines for almost complete strangers and people who really don't give a crap I'm not gonna spend hours and hours and hours on them when mere hours will do. So here are my completely obvious tips for fairly fast and probably cool valentines...

THINK RED & PINK
You may not know this but red and pink are the definite colors of Valentine's Day. Even a plain pink envelope looks like a valentine around the 14th. Draw a heart on a piece of pink paper, write Happy Valentine's Day somewhere and shove it in a red envelope. If you want to be really fancy use fancier paper or stick a piece of colored tissue weight paper in it.

BE ICONIC
Hearts, hearts, hearts. Anybody can draw a heart, plus this Internet thingy is pretty dang good for hunting down interesting images to print. You don't need to be a surgeon to cut a heart out of paper. Pink or red paper is ideal (see above) but you could also take a card that has a nice shot of purple mountains majesty and cut it into a heart shape. Cupids are also Valentine's Day icons. (Definitely harder to draw, but see below.) Chocolates, roses, and even lace are all iconic Valentine's Day imagery and are much cooler than a red kangaroo saying "Here's HOPPING you'll be my valentine!"

STICK WITH STICKERS
You can find all sorts of cool Valentine's Day stickers in the card shops or card aisles or dollar stores. I like the hearts and cupids because they're so iconic (see above). Get some Valentine's Day stickers, stick them all over a picture of anything and you have suddenly created a valentine. (Well ain't you talented!)

QUOTE SOMETHING ABOUT LOVE
There are probably over a hundred different quotes about love. I'd guess even Shakespeare might have said something about love. So track down one or two or more that fit the level of the sort of love you're expressing and write them down on a pink piece of paper and shove it into a red envelope. Or, if you're computer savvy, make a page of different love quotes in different fonts and if you've picked some really interesting ones you'll have a pretty cool valentine.

BEND AN EXISTING VALENTINE TO YOUR WILL
If you find an image you like on a card, say a heart that's exploding into flowers which are turning into birds (Gag!), but the card says To an Awesome Second Wife... you can always cut what you like off the card and stick it on a blank card. The end product will be far cooler than any off-the-shelf valentine. (Unless you're really messy, then it will just be endearing.)

E-CARD TIPS
Don't send e-cards.