WHEN SANTA RUNS OUT OF PROZAC :
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face.
You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a Mai Tai with some Martin Denny in the background.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist.
How 'bout I send you a f*#%ing book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your
pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!
Let me get you some nice LEGOs instead.
Santa
