Post #67689 by Geeky Tiki on Sun, Jan 4, 2004 10:39 PM

Aloha,

Probably the toughest thing about being married regardless of children is the activity beloved by one but resented by the other.

It sounds like negotiation and tit for tat is not feasible.

I apologize if this answer sounds cynical:

This situation is really a small form of perpetual disagreement that can't be resolved in the short term. I would vote that you assert your "right" to a once monthly outing and then absolutely refuse to catch the guilt/punishment balls that get thrown to you. Even if you do feel guilty, spend 6 months acting like this is the way it is always going to be. You can continue to offer her a fair equivalent activity to take advantage of, but if she doesn't, it is not your responsibility to eliminate something you seem to so greatly appreciate.

Sometimes a spouse or significant other will chill out once he or she realizes that the other is going to persist in a given behavior and the resentment will diminish without a fight. I don't know if it is based on control or whatever, but drawing a line in the sand is worth it, in my eyes.

The near term friction will return a longer term understanding of some things that YOU want from life.

There, I went too long again, you seem to bring that out in me! I know we've disagreed recently, but I mean this advice in all good faith.

Keep us posted, to, venting and bouncing around opinions can be helpful.