Post #776277 by Prikli Pear on Thu, May 25, 2017 12:33 PM

As I posted elsewhere, "This is why we can't have nice things."

That's not me trying to be glib. It's a persistent issue. Pretty much any themed aesthetic I can come up with would be offensive to someone. And I'm not dismissing that--many people come by their distaste honestly, and have legitimate reasons for feeling the way they do. The fact that some/many/most people with Polynesian/Hawaiian ancestry have no problem with tiki doesn't diminish the feelings of the author of the first article linked above. The fact that she finds tiki bars problematic siphons some of the joy out of it for me, but you know what's worse? The spiteful comments directed at her in the comments section (never read the comments).

I've worked over the years with a Mexican national who's a great guy. Funny, smart as a whip, and one of the most talented graphic artists I've ever known. Nothing ruffles his feathers, but he absolutely bristles at the terms Hispanic and Latino. In his view, he's not from Hispania or Rome--both of those terms classify a broad swath of North American people in Eurocentric terms. He's Mexican, and U.S. citizens of Hispanic heritage are American, period. He also has problems with what Cinco de Mayo has become in the U.S. (can't say I disagree with him there) and the questionable, stereotypical decor that adorns some Mexican food restaurants. He's got a point, but he knows he's not going to change the course of an entire cultural representation. He states his case then moves on.

My point is (if I have one--I have to wonder sometimes) that all the "education" in the world isn't going to change his mind, or the author above. To think otherwise assumes ignorance on their part. My friend understands the necessity of such terms, and knows there are certain expectations of restaurants, etc. That doesn't mean he likes them. Likewise, it's going to be damned hard to convince the author who wants to abolish tiki bars that she's got it wrong. She's already familiar with the claim that modern tiki is a celebration of the original tiki era, itself never a serious attempt to represent cultures of the South Pacific. And she rejects it.

"Agree to disagree" is trite, but some form of detente may be the best anyone can hope for. If I stripped what few tikis I had from my bar and recast it as a "Caribbean bar" I know good and well everyone who visited would still view it as a tiki bar, no matter how much Jimmy Buffett I played on the stereo. That's not going to change even if overpriced resin moais disappear from every garden center in the country. Most people just want to be listened to, to be heard, to be acknowledged. That's why civil discussion is so important, but seems progressively more difficult to attain. When both parties start out from a defensive posture, it's damn hard to accomplish any real communication. Personally, I don't wish to give offense to anyone and will go out of my way to not make someone feel uncomfortable. But I've also put a lot of effort into my still-developing tiki bar. It give me pleasure, both working on it and relaxing in it. I don't intend to give that up. How does one reconcile those two positions? I'm not smart enough to answer that question, but without civility, there's no chance at achieving a mutually-acceptable level of tolerance. Or something like that.