Post #91771 by tiki mick 1 on Tue, May 18, 2004 2:25 PM

Hi, I am tiki mick...I am not single, but what the heck...here is my "hot chicks wanted ad":

I am 39, with skinny legs and hair in my ears...speaking of hair, like most fat middle aged men, I got more on my back then on my head....I don't shave or shower too much, smoke about 4 packs of marboro unfiltered a day and have several exotic flavors of BO going at any particular time.

On our first date, I will tell you all about my high paying job...enough at least to get you to jump in the sack with me..and once I get what I want, the truth will OUT! No more fancy dinners baby cakes! it's Mickey Dees all the way...and I wait in the car while you go in a get it (and pay for it) because my window won't roll down anymore, so no drive thru options!

For fun, I am into wife swapping and recreational vehicles...I eat cookie dough straight from the package and drink like 4-5 liters of warm diet coke a day! I got rottweilers (lots of them) and GUNS (because ZOG is trying to take over the world..and ya never know)

I got a cop mustache!

Did I mention I got skinny legs too?

I like Tiki, but really don't know what it is.....(Jimmy Buffet is Tiki, right?)so I like to invade websites like this and troll for sex, or even someone to join me and my real wife..however, she's gotta be big! (In fact, her backside should look like two rhinos trying to mate under a tent!!)

Oh, and I attend nudist events about 32-45 times a year...(I like standing there naked with my beer belly hanging out, a REAL expensive camera around my neck, and a small and limp carrot in my hand)

You should never let me be around your kids, because I am the sick type of maniac that can be seen at any brittany spear's concert in the front row with a trench coat on..(I can also be spotted trolling around the video stores, repeatedly renting any movie featuring the Olsen twins!!!!

Did I mention I have a really expensive camera?

In fact, I am a total and complete loser!!! I am the "William Hung" of the dating scene!!!

Oh, did I tell you about my 1987 honda goldwing aspencade motorcycle....yeah, that's right! I was driving a Kawasaki 1000, all white...and I always wear a cop helmet (it goes with my police scanner) so I am the dickhead that causes you to slow down.

I drink 4 -5 liters of diet pepsi a day...

I use to have a mullet.