Post #96692 by Humuhumu on Wed, Jun 16, 2004 12:12 PM

The details are messy and sad, but let's just say I was not Daddy's Little Girl growing up. I have some great memories of childhood and overall think of it fondly, but there's a whole heapin' mess of darkness there, too, I'm afraid. Childhood isn't easy for many people, and mine was no exception.

These are things that happened in the past, and things are different now. My father, thank goodness, is in many ways a different person than he was then. And as I've grown up, I can see a lot of him in myself -- my wanderlust, my sociability, my eye for detail, my need to always be crafting something. These are all traits that, if I do have them, they definitely came from my father. My nose, too -- definitely got that from his side of the family. Despite some similarities, my Dad & I have always had great difficulty relating to each other.

After a particularly difficult time a few years ago where I actually stopped talking to him for about a year, we found something we could come together on: my tiki bar.

The Humuhumu Room was a project that let us both use our differences & strengths to do something we both love: creating. Dad spent countless hours working on the Humuhumu Room with me, and loved it every bit as much as I did. I had a vision in mind, and he helped me refine it into something practical. I designed the room, but he was responsible for designing the actual framing of the bar, making it so sound I could have hopped up & down on it and it wouldn’t have budged a bit. He improved my ideas, by making room in the bar not just for the shelving, but also for a small refrigerator and a drawer. He taught me how to tile the top, and how to do the finish carpentry on the drink rail. He ran new outlets all over the room for me. When it came time to put in the decorative touches, he got every bit as excited as I was. As the project went on, we became much closer and came to understand and trust each other much more than we had before. Most importantly, I think he was for the first time able to see that there’s an awful lot of him in me.

What made the project especially poignant for me is that much of the trouble of my childhood stems from my father’s alcohol abuse. Not sure I would say he’s an actual alcoholic, but he’s definitely not good at drinking, and very much doesn’t live up to Trader Vic’s saying about drinking like a gentleman. I grew up dreadfully afraid of alcohol, and wouldn’t touch the stuff until well into adulthood. It was a big step for me to get comfortable with drinking and learn that it’s not, necessarily, evil. Dad had stopped drinking (yay!) right before we worked on the bar, and it was great having a completely positive alcohol-related experience with my Dad.

Most of you have seen the Humuhumu Room before, but for any of you new folks who missed it, here’s it is: The Humuhumu Room

I love my Dad.