The Horror that is the Anne Geddes Store

Celebrated infant photographer, (correct technical term: "Moppetography"), Anne Geddes has just opened her flagship store at Downtown Disney in Anaheim. I advised her over and over again not to open this store, but she just wouldn't listen to me. Since most of you only get to Disneyland every so often, I thought I'd help you out by giving you a tour of this little shop of horrors.

:up: Shopping at this store requires running a gauntlet of bone-chilling cuteness, the likes of which I've never encountered before, except that time when I was hallucinating during my bout with tropical Dengue-Fever.

:down: To enter the store you must walk quickly and quietly between these two plate-glass display windows filled with freakishly small newborn babies dressed as bears, rabbits, and bees in some sort of giant "incubator"



:up: Whatever you do, DO NOT tap on the glass. When awoken, these small creatures will hurl themselves at the glass windows, snarling and salivating, until they have knocked themselves unconscious again. It is an experience I would pray you avoid.

Throughout the store there are more of these Africanized Killer Babies, just waiting for an unwary shopper to pick them up and say "Ohhhh! How Cute!". Please avoid doing this. These are not pets. They are wild animals and they bite.:down:

:down: The motto of this store is: "Protect. Nurture. Love"

:up: Q: If that is the motto, then why are these tiny infants left abandoned at random throughout the store, with only their animal-suits to protect them from the frigid air-conditioning?

A: That is a very good question... Oh look - Watches! :down:

We also have a wide selection of books and totes :down:

:down: I see you eyeing the exit. What, are you a wimp!? If I can take this, then so can you.

Here are some actual suits that you can buy for your infant. You can also buy tiny plastic infants as pets for your infant. In California there will soon be a ballot initiative requiring that every infant born in the state have its own pet infant to keep it company while its parents are out working. The petitions for this ballot measure are on orchid-pink paper. It is very attractive paper.:down:



:up: Q: This last infant looks kind of...um, dead.

A: Yes I know. There has always been a fine line between cuteness and horror.

Q: How fine is the line in this case?

A: Mice use it to floss the teeth of smaller, baby mice.

:up: Here is a book about Celine Dion. From what people have told me, Celine Dion is a singer from Canada who was the first woman ever to give birth to an actual baby. To celebrate this unique achievement, Anne Geddes devoted an entire book to her motherhood. This book is "magnificent" according to one of the salespeople. I did not want to disagree with the child-bearing achievements of Celine Dion, so I just nodded enthusiastically.

:up: Here is another book showing some babies being suspended in what might be pantyhose or alien "specimen" nets. The title of this book is "Protect. Nurture. Love. Trade. Collect The Whole Set."

:up: Q: Why are all these babies displayed in eggs? Do babies actually come from eggs?

A: Not really. Anne Geddes just believed that blood-red, placenta-shaped velvet bags would be too tasteless for the general population.

Q: Oh. I see.

A: ..the placenta-shaped bags will be released next year once the general population has gotten acclimated to the small plastic, newborn babies. It is a gradual process.

:up: I really like the message conveyed by the logo on this baseball cap. It says, "If you hit that baseball at me, I will curl up into a small, fetal position."

Q: Can I leave now?

A: I suppose so. Just don't tap the glass on the way out.

Sabu

Anne Geddes has always given me a violent case of the heebie-jeebies.

I get the impression that she wants to make the babies in her pictures look edible.

Thus the reason she sprinkles them with pink, powdered sugar.

you know, I had a nightmare last night about finding a leg-less dead body of a serial killer clown that had blue flames carved into his face and stomach -

but THIS is far scarier!

[ Edited by: Chip and Andy 2009-06-05 17:06 ]

Brilliant, Sabu. Can you do a Thomas Kinkaid Gallery next ... ?

I had a nightmare that looked like that once...

Those babies don't look very "life-like" Waaaaaaaayyyy Creepy!

SABU!!! That was honestly one of the funniest posts ever!!! YOU ROCK!!!

Thanks for risking life & limb for the story & pictures. Glad you made it out of the store safely.

RISE UP AND BURN THAT PLACE TO THE GROUND!!!

Well done, Sabu! I laughed my ass off.

I adore you, Sabu.

p.s. were you reminded at any point of the killer baby dolls from Barbarella!?

My Husband is Creepy! See, now every time I walk by that store I'll be compelled to tap on the glass, which will in turn lead to... a whole thing.

What had, happened was... My poor misguided step-father arranged for us to have a private tour of a wild animal sanctuary. It evidently put crazy ideas into Sabu's head. I don't understand how his brain works. It's creepy.

Sure they're creepy now, but in 20 years young hipsters will be collecting Anne Geddes baby stuff with the same zeal they collect those wide-eyed Gig children today, which is why I'm stocking up now. This is one collecting craze I'm gonna be way ahead of the curve on, dammit!

Oh my god Sweet Daddy, I think you may be right....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHH!!!!

Sabu has given me the screaming horrors once again....

I remember hearing about babies when I was in 7th grade.
Do they really unload dead ones with a pitchfork?

"I'm crazy Eddie, I put babies on spikes. Rack of baby, taste of chicken."

On 2005-11-29 22:24, Sweet Daddy Tiki wrote:
Sure they're creepy now, but in 20 years young hipsters will be collecting Anne Geddes baby stuff with the same zeal they collect those wide-eyed Gig children today, which is why I'm stocking up now. This is one collecting craze I'm gonna be way ahead of the curve on, dammit!

I'm still not sold. I've been collecting artwork by that 1980s marketing genius, Patrick Nagel, for the past 5 years or so and while the prices have been going up, they still haven't reached the level where I'd like to unload them on eBay yet.

I think you may have to wait 30 years on the Anne Geddes stuff, unless it's Limited Edition and rare.

Sabu

Patrick Nagel??? Really???

I wish I knew how to post pictures, I have a really funny picture of baby pineapple in his halloween costume, which is a chili pepper. We could smoosh him right in with the Geddes peas and pumpkins, except he doesn't look cherubic, he looks embarrassed and somewhat annoyed at Mom's lack of creativity in choosing his costume! We're thinking this will be one of the photos we roll out in 17 years on prom night!

Nagel rocks!

I used to paint replicas of his work back in high school.

I bought a book of Nagel stuff recently too. I always liked it. Anazing how the work has been replicated (very badly) on Nail Salon signs to this day!

I'm frightened, Sabu! Hold Me!

my ovaries feel all weird now.

honestly, babies have always made me feel nervous. but the Geddes Babies absolutely freak me out.

Harrowing.

My ovaries hurt too, and I am male. Maybe it was the picture of Celine Dion, maybe it's this damn heat that's making me feel all slack-jawed and silly...

I would request one thing from Sabu...please do a christmas poem in the style of "flabojah". I am sure by now Bong has found some way to hack into the site, so he will read it!

And if nothing else, that poem was a true work of art and I would like to read another like it!

A neighbour has a hideous Nagel inspired stained glass panel above their front door. Every time I drive by I shudder and wonder how they can live with it.

Sabu, you truly are a brave soul to face that kind of torture for our entertainment.
And for that I thank you.

... all those babies... just like little soldiers... cloning is way cool stuff... anne geddes is pro-life...

... no pictures posted of ben wah babies, though... try the adult section...

Wasn't the doll from Trilogy of Terror a 'gift' from a 'store'?

Sabu, thanks for being so brave to take us all on your tour of the Giger, I mean Geddes store.

Tap the glass! Tap the glass!

edit to remove broken image link

[ Edited by: ookoo lady 2005-12-03 06:41 ]

Wish him to the cornfield!

Its like attack of the clones in starwars! Not only are they succesfully cloning the killer babies, they are celebrating their success. They all have exactly the same face. And can you imagine the noise when the little killers are due for their nap? The noise man, the noise! Banshees got nothing on these little ones...

Yikes, for some reason the movie 'Aliens' comes to mind. Keep your face away from them!

It is true, Anne Geddes is in cahoots with the devil. Thank you Sabu for sharing your daring reconnaissance mission at Downtown Disney.

Below is an article found here:

*WORK OF THE DEVIL

Satan is well and truly at work, and he's producing DVDs.

I come to this conclusion based on the news that two of my most loathed "artists" Anne Geddes and Celine Dion have formed an unholy alliance.

Anne Geddes is that photographer who takes creepy pictures of babies stuffed in watering cans and shit and flogs a range of products with these images that everyone but me seems to find "cute."

Celine Dion - recently named as the shame of Canada - is of course one of the most evil recording artists of the late 20th century.

News reports reveal the two have hooked up on a project called Miracle which includes a DVD, a CD and a book. Creepy babies with Celine Dion as the soundtrack. There is no God:

"Geddes has chosen 80 pictures of babies, and Dion will sing 11 lullabies, including eight originals.

The two met in February 2001, when Geddes photographed Rene Charles, the son of Dion and husband Rene Angelil.

The book will be launched on October 12 in New York."

October 12, how wonderful! And not at all coincidentally timed to saturate the marketplace in time for Christmas gift ideas for everyone's lame and not-so-cherished relatives - the only people who you would seriously consider buying such a hideous thing for.*

On 2005-11-29 15:10, Sabu The Coconut Boy wrote:
From what people have told me, Celine Dion is a singer from Canada who was the first woman ever to give birth to an actual baby.

No, that was Madonna. :lol:

A couple different auctions for the only baby toy I have in my home...I was going to steal the pics, then felt guilty in advance so I'll just link to the auctions (not mine). They are still LESS creepy than Geddes' pod-baby spawn:

http://cgi.ebay.com/Disney-Toy-Story-Baby-Face-Action-Figure_W0QQitemZ6018487609QQcategoryZ19223QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

http://cgi.ebay.com/Toy-Story-Thinkway-Original-Baby-Face-6-Action-Figure_W0QQitemZ6582873239QQcategoryZ1383QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Mommy...I left the car running in the garage and it killed all of our baby brothers and sisters you just gave birth to. Sorry..

[

[ Edited by: donhonyc 2016-02-20 22:29 ]

On 2005-12-01 23:28, donhonyc wrote:

[

For some reason that Alice Cooper song comes to mind...."DEAD BABIES"

... goddess anne geddes (originally arthur geddes - dudes can't pretend to bear kids as well as chicks) is whistling "billion dollar babies"... if she could round those "egg-kids" out a bit more and make baseballs, golf balls, grenades... and maybe enter the world of nerf products...

From my own book I'm doing with Anne Geddes: "Baby Safari"

Babies have been held back for to long and need to get out and see the world - to be all the baby they can be. Here's an adorable scene with many cute animals who are about to "befriend" the baby.

Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I just had a major case of the willies looking at those pictures. The commentary was great.
Which reminds me of an article from the onion:
Study Reveals: Babies are Stupid.
For some reason it's not available from their website, but there's a few others out there that have parts of the article posted.

We're already descending on the slippery path to hell.

I can imagine, 20 years from now, the Anne Geddes store still there, but with the addition of a new celebrity restaurant across the street. Named after and run by the heirs of the late actor Charleston Heston, the restaurant will be named 'Soylent Green.'

Vern

It CAN get worse.

Hand-Sculpted Incredibly Realistic Micro-Preemie Doll!

And they're VERY EXPENSIVE, too...clearly, the end times are here.

On 2006-01-05 00:02, tikivixen wrote:
Hand-Sculpted Incredibly Realistic Micro-Preemie Doll!

Creepy preemie baby dolls have become a HUGE phenomenon. Google "reborn art" or "reborning" for lots of examples -- but only if you're brave!

[ Edited by: cynfulcynner 2006-01-05 01:10 ]

Hahahah

The motto of this store is: "Protect. Nurture. Love"

and EXPLOIT.

For the life of me, I cannot fathom why someone would WANT a fake baby - especially one that looks so real...and so DEAD! eeewww!

Just brings back to mind the old and PIC dead baby jokes...

...ugh...repulsive looking things...

amiotiki

... actually, those babies would be super cool if one eye was wide open and they had eight fingers on each hand...

The weird part is that the people who think that those are adorable probably get freaked out over skulls, etc. while we who find them creepy have no problem with a shrunken head mug.

That is absolutely hilarious.
Thanks.