Tiki Bummed

After all the work of getting my bar and adjoined lava lounge up and running the past few months I was feeling pretty good about it. So I threw a going-away party for my parents and their friends before they leave for the winter. I stocked up on every tiki liquor I could think of and braced for making tiki drinks galore. I even spent half a day creating fancy drink garnishes big enough to knock your hat off.

Big mistake. Although my folks enjoyed the party and their friends and there were a few minutes of "ooh's" and "ahh's" when they first saw the bar, none of the "invitees" had tiki blood in their bones. None wore anything tiki even though I suggested tiki duds or "luau" or Hawaiian shirts (to make it simple for the un-initiated).

And worst of all, they referred to tiki drinks as "sissy" drinks! I wanted to push them off my bar stools. So they drank beers. I was soooooooo bummed after all that work.

I wish I had been prepared for the sissy drink comment. I can't believe a beer is less "sissy" than a zombie, maitai, or a few of the other hardier tiki drinks.

I admit it. My feelings were hurt. And it made my whole tiki bar seem ridiculous and I was ready to tear it all out and just replace it with sports bar gear.

I waited a couple days to let it cool down and I've decided that my tiki bar stays.

Anybody else have this experience or know how to handle this kind of lack of appreciation in the future??

LavaLounger - the Bummered One

Sorry to hear this! What duds THEY are. Keep it up-sometimes it can be hard to "go against the norm", but if is what YOU want, then YOU will be happy.

Sounds like they need to be taken out to the "back forty" and thrown in a thresher!

[ Edited by: mrsmiley 2006-02-07 09:37 ]

DONT listen to THEM. They are wrong. 'Nuf said. Never tear out your tiki stuff!

I remember in the mid-1980s the Orange County Register (newspaper) had an article about how guys in nightclubs who order drinks with umbrellas are making a mistake since the ladies there might think such guys are too feminine--"sissies," as your friends bluntly put it. Seems to be a common cultural perception in this American macho culture. I guess the same thing could be said about flowery shirts, too, which is maybe why your friends also didn't wear those. In that recent tiki-surfing thread I posted a comment about atmospheres that is applicable here: If folks aren't tuned into that tiki / South Pacific atmosphere, they aren't going to appreciate it or relate to it. You can always hope that you planted a seed of interest that will, grow, however.

Sorry to hear about your experience about the clash of cultures. Think how many other people have experienced the same thing in different ways, though: housewives who cooked special foods that guests didn't appreciate, women who got special hairdos or dresses that their husbands didn't appreciate, and so on. Unappreciation happens.

Hey man, don’t let it get ya down. I see you’re from Kansas. These were your parents friends. A few nips in back of the corn crib, a shot an’ a beer or five at the local watering hole is all they know. The only umberella drink they’ve ever seen was when they were dating Suzie-Q and she ordered one once when they went to the big city. “Why, if Tom ever saw me with a flower in ma drink, I’d never hear the end of it!” They don’t get it, won’t get it and have no desire to try. Not with their friends in the room. So, I ask: Was that “sissy drink” comment aimed at the actual cocktail, or do you believe it was really aimed at you? In either case: Joke’em if they can’t take a f...! Be yourself and give it not one second thought. That’s why TC exists, because relatively speaking, there’s not many of us, and we’re all over the place. My friends also think I’m a bit off, but I’m wear’in ‘em down. I’m pretty sure the powers that be wouldn’t let you back on TC if it were known that you replaced a tiki bar with a sports bar. That would be downright criminal.

We used to have a big problem with no-shows at the Kon Tiki Paradise Room...After a few times I had to make a "No-Show, No-come-back" rule for first timers with a lame excuse..We'd typically spend 60.00 on fresh fruit and liquor re-stocking for any guest and spend a couple of hours preparing the bar, and excuses were typically along the lines of "(insert spouse or other unknowing scapegoat here)-wanted to stay home and catch the season premier of "Sex And The City"/was too tired so we chilled/etc." so that sucked...I think people just don't get the passion of it all sometimes, or they're passionate about other things (for my family it's antiques, football, etc.). And "civilians" will usually just dig it but not "get" it for it's unique subculture, and you can't really blame them, as not everybody will jump in at the same level of enthusiasm..Don't worry...if you build it, the Tiki Ohana will come; you can rest assured!

Thanks for the morale boost you guys. I really needed it.

I never considered the whole "flowered" shirt/umbrella drink decor as a "macho" slap, but I bet you are on to something. Personally, I consider it quite macho to taunt fate by daring to tangle with the possibility of jabbing an eye out with an umbrella embellished drink after having a few rumskie drinks too many. Or the thrill of avoiding piercing a nostril or two with a skewered fruit pick garnish. (makes me wonder if that's how the tiki's got their nose piercings to begin with) What can you get with a beer? A paper cut from the label?

And funny you should mention a newspaper article denouncing sipping on a tiki-fested drink. Recently in the KC Star newspaper I read a similar denoucement in an article on dating. Makes me wanna fix them a Suffering Bastard and use a field thistle for a drink stirrer.

Hmm, I wonder where I can go rent a thresher to throw them into.

Too bad some folks just don't know how to kick back and really relax and enjoy the whole mood and calming ambience of a nice tiki bar......even if it is landlocked in the midwest.

Yes, THE BAR STAYS!
LavaLounger - getting determined

I had a very similar experience the first few times I had people over to my home bar. People wanted beer, no one wanted to drink out of stoopid tiki mugs, everyone took their lei off after about 45 seconds, and no one -- no one wanted garnish. And Yma Sumac was judged to sound like an animal that needed to be put out of her misery. And they wanted to watch the basketball game. Hawaiian shirts were so far out of the question that I didn't even consider suggesting they wear them. With time, they tried the drinks, got in the mood of it... no one was totally converted, and they still took their leis off, but I finally had a party where one of the two beer pony kegs didn't get tapped. Victory!

If you want to convert your friends, it might take a lot of patience. Anyone can be converted to great hospitality, though, so if you take a "come as you are" stance, and serve them beer if they want it without making them feel bad, they'll be relaxed and their minds will crack open a smidge... perfect time to slip them the Book of Tiki! They'll probably have questions about your bar, and the BOT is a great way to answer them and help them see you're not some lone wacko, but that this is something that is big and has a lot of history.

Another suggestion is to try only having one or two people over at a time at first. Your friends might be more open to trying the "sissy" drinks without a crowd around. Plus, it's reasonable when one is simply a casual guest to understand that you just don't have any beer in the house. :wink: Consider serving them without any garnish and in rocks glasses at first.

As a total devotee to immersive themed environments, where every detail fits, it kills me to say it -- but it just might be easier, and perhaps the better thing to do as a host, to meet your guests partway and ease them in gently. I'm so sorry your friends left you feeling for a while like you didn't want your bar anymore -- for them to have made you feel that bad about something you were so excited about, they must have had their heads pretty far up their asses.

Big mistake. Although my folks enjoyed the party and their friends and there were a few minutes of "ooh's" and "ahh's" when they first saw the bar, none of the "invitees" had tiki blood in their bones. None wore anything tiki even though I suggested tiki duds or "luau" or Hawaiian shirts (to make it simple for the un-initiated).

Now, you cannot expect folks to dress in a manner they're really not accustomed. You invited "non-tiki people" over, should have expected primarily "non-tiki" reactions. Sounds like you got some positive responses to the room, that's good. Seems like par for the course, the people just didn't dig the Polynesian affect. Different strokes, ya know? Invite some other people over and maybe next time everyone will think you're cooler than the other side of the pillow.

You missed your target audience. Simple as that. I know Garth Brooks has sold a lot of albums, but I don't know anyone who actually owns one. Check that, I live with someone who does(eeek!). Civil War re-enacters and folks in Country & Western bars seem to enjoy themselves. Put me in those environments and I will be looking for a way out like a coyote stuck in a steel trap.

*And worst of all, they referred to tiki drinks as "sissy" drinks! I wanted to push them off my bar stools. So they drank beers. I was soooooooo bummed after all that work. *

There are times I am at Vic's or some such Polynesian/Tiki watering hole and witness people ordering beer or some other non-tropical beverage. It's disappointing and somewhat aggravating. Alas, it's their call, and loss. One cannot make a person appreciate the finer things, you can try but tastes differ too much. I know, you're thinking, "then explain Celine Dion!" Sorry, almost all "midnite rules of life" do not apply to Quebecois.

*I wish I had been prepared for the sissy drink comment. I can't believe a beer is less "sissy" than a zombie, maitai, or a few of the other hardier tiki drinks. *

They ain't and that type of comment invariably originates from lack of experience with good tropical drinks. Ignorant phrase, pay it no mind.

*I admit it. My feelings were hurt. And it made my whole tiki bar seem ridiculous and I was ready to tear it all out and just replace it with sports bar gear. *

Understandable. You obviously worked hard on your home tiki space and put considerable effort in the preparation and execution of the party. You either do "things" for yourself and the enjoyment you gain from them or you endeavor to receive other's approval. Human beings definitely need that acknowledgment, that "cool, you done good, nice job, you're the best" type recognition. It's natural. Beware letting it override your own interests when said interest does not result in others warm recognition. Translation: do want you want, your happiness is worth more than a few random "atta boys" from people that probably don't matter that much to you. Quoting a man a wee bit smarter than Professor Midnite, Richard Feynman, "Do you really care what others think of you?"

Anybody else have this experience or know how to handle this kind of lack of appreciation in the future??

Ya could do like me and have no friends! Everyone I know digs everything I like. Notwithstanding the nomadic recluse life, just go with it. You're on this planet a short time, enjoy it and don't sweat it if your friends/family are on a different frequency. The ones that matter will appreciate you, for what really counts: How much money you have!

Professor midnite's life lesson is now over, must go meet with my P.O. You owe me one Zombie, with no sissy umbrella!

On 2006-02-07 10:38, Basement Kahuna wrote:
We used to have a big problem with no-shows at the Kon Tiki Paradise Room...After a few times I had to make a "No-Show, No-come-back" rule for first timers with a lame excuse..We'd typically spend 60.00 on fresh fruit and liquor re-stocking for any guest and spend a couple of hours preparing the bar, and excuses were typically along the lines of "(insert spouse or other unknowing scapegoat here)-wanted to stay home and catch the season premier of "Sex And The City"/was too tired so we chilled/etc." so that sucked...I think people just don't get the passion of it all sometimes, or they're passionate about other things (for my family it's antiques, football, etc.). And "civilians" will usually just dig it but not "get" it for it's unique subculture, and you can't really blame them, as not everybody will jump in at the same level of enthusiasm..Don't worry...if you build it, the Tiki Ohana will come; you can rest assured!

DITTO! We had two no-show couples too and the excuses were lamer. And I was griping about the same thing after they all left. I have enough coconut, mango, and banana rum to sail to Fiji with but at least that will keep. But what do you do with cut up fresh pineapple wedges, orange wheels, and all the other citrus wedgies we made? Make Fruitcake? Please kill me first.

I tried to pull one of the gals into the whole tiki mood by launching one little brewskie into a tiki mug for her and stuck all the drink toys I could find in it just to try to get rid of some of it! She looked at me like I just committed murder. Excuuuuuse me.

These folks weren't my friends, thankfully, but it does make me a tad edgy to consider my next event where my friends will be included and I'm still supposed to have a neighborhood "welcome" event as they do in this new subdivision. I can blow off strangers to some degree but not sure how I'll view new neighbors or friends that might rain on my tiki bar or crap on my tiki drinks. My friends already know I'm one crab rangoon short of a pupu platter, so I'm sure they'll play along.....I hope. I will have to have a cheat sheet of crack responses to any "sissy" drink comments before the next gig. Maybe that'd be a good new thread.

LavaLounger-breathing easier

Your bar represents how YOU feel about tiki, regardless of weather or not the general public likes or understands it. I used to get all sorts of remarks from my family, especially my mum about my admiration of "Tacky Tourist" stuff, as she called it in the beginning.

Made me shudder of course, but she came around, and helped me with my tiki wedding.

Some will get it, some won't, but the fact of the matter is they'll all have something to remember when they leave your awesome place. Let it sink in, and they will at least admire all the hard work that went into creating an oasis of pleasure.

As far as the nose holes go, my husband loves to freak out kids by putting chopsticks through his, and he's found out that the bone through the nose can be worn at any self respecting tiki shin dig!

How can rum drinks, the liquor of PIRATES, the High Seas and other miscellaneous adventures, be thought of as "sissy"? That's just daft!

Would a Viking be a sissy because he drank buttermilk as well as beer, while wearing fur and horned hats?
Would a cowboy be thusly chastised for drinking whiskey?
Would the Vodka drinkers of Eastern Europe be considered feeble due to their propensity for fur hats (thus combining two Viking staples)?

This post brought to you by the One-Too-Many Bad Analogy Dept. of Tiki Central.

~Rupe

"We find your American beer rather like making love in a canoe --
it's f**king close to water."
--Monty Python

I had a bizarre and pleasurable surprise this Halloween, when I had a basic Halloween costume party. Many of the guests had been to my home for a house-warming/ITD party, to which they'd been encouraged to sport aloha wear, so those were somewhat prepared for what they'd see.

What stunned me at Halloween, though, was how the beer was barely TOUCHED. The trick ended up being the witch's brew. Kilikopela and his wahine Brittanie were in town and staying with me, so he whipped up a couple of different batches of delicious, uh, something (with rum and a few available fruit juices). We served it in a big witch's caldron, complete with dry ice, stirred with a giant wooden tiki spoon. The effect was stunning - EVERYone had to have a glass or 3 of the tiki brew. I think two beers were drunk. Out of the 2 cases bought. Fortunately, Kilikopela was able to please his fellow Hash House Harriers that Sunday by bringing the beer :)

So maybe try a Halloween party with "Witches Brew" the next time? Yes, I put an umbrella in every cup, but it worked - and these are Texans, mind you.

I've often wondered about the Hawaiian shirt/fruity-umbrella drink/"sissy" connection. Seems to me, if you're man enough to wear flowered shirts and drink a drink with 5 different decorations on/in it, you're pretty damned secure in your masculinity (whether or not you're hetero :wink:). It's an insecure man who fears for his percieved sexuality if spotted with a paper umbrella in his beverage.

Glad to be a girly-girl so I don't have to worry about that,
F

I had that problem at my first tiki party. The second party I didn't even offer beer or wine, and everyone seemed to fall in line. The third one nobody even asked for beer or wine, they were all looking forward to seeing what concoctions I had come up with.

Don't forget that it's your job as host to make your guests feel welcome and comfortable. If you're not sure that they'll like tiki drinks, have a supply of beer or "standard" drink makings (like gin-and-tonic or Martinis). Let them soak up the tiki atmosphere for awhile, and they may start to "get" it.

Let them know that exotic drinks can compliment the tiki bar experience, but don't waste them on people who can't appreciate them.

I had sort of the opposite experience: when my partner and I hosted a small party with friends last Summer, I tried to keep things fairly general. While libations were ready for our favourite rum-based drinks -- and after spending some time preparing garnishes -- we did not specifically try to be much more "tiki" than that. The music mix included some exotica, but focused more on general lounge. The food was eclectic, from the astro-weenie ball down to the wasabi guacamole. Attire was casual.

This said, my friends know that such is an interest of ours, and automatically assumed that was what they were in for a living room luau. Only a couple of them have been inside of a tiki bar in their time (the Conga Lounge). To this day, people refer to it at the "tiki party." I'm not upset by this, naturally -- still, they've not seen the half of it.

To the original poster: it sounds like this was simply a culture clash. For many, the concept of a bar is he place where you drink beer and watch the game. The idea of this having any sort of sophistication is lost on 'em. In the end, it's their loss.

Cheers,
Gwen Smith

i've found that the concept of food/drinks on fire is a good way to bridge the gap between perceived inappropriateness of tiki fare and the beer-only crowd. if it can burn you, it's automatically interesting :)

On 2006-02-07 12:13, Johnny Dollar wrote:
i've found that the concept of food/drinks on fire is a good way to bridge the gap between perceived inappropriateness of tiki fare and the beer-only crowd. if it can burn you, it's automatically interesting :)

So what you are saying is I should set their beer on fire or set THEM on fire?

LavaLounger

On 2006-02-07 10:37, foamy wrote:
Hey man, don’t let it get ya down. I see you’re from Kansas. These were your parents friends. A few nips in back of the corn crib, a shot an’ a beer or five at the local watering hole is all they know. The only umberella drink they’ve ever seen was when they were dating Suzie-Q and she ordered one once when they went to the big city. “Why, if Tom ever saw me with a flower in ma drink, I’d never hear the end of it!” They don’t get it, won’t get it and have no desire to try. Not with their friends in the room. So, I ask: Was that “sissy drink” comment aimed at the actual cocktail, or do you believe it was really aimed at you? In either case: Joke’em if they can’t take a f...! Be yourself and give it not one second thought. That’s why TC exists, because relatively speaking, there’s not many of us, and we’re all over the place. My friends also think I’m a bit off, but I’m wear’in ‘em down. I’m pretty sure the powers that be wouldn’t let you back on TC if it were known that you replaced a tiki bar with a sports bar. That would be downright criminal.

LMAO! Thanks for the laugh Foamy! I must have been under the superbowl influence to even THINK about doing another (barf) sports bar. Shame on me. Never again!

Tiki In, Jerks Out.

LavaLounger-with tears of pineapple juice

On 2006-02-07 10:53, Humuhumu wrote:
I had a very similar experience the first few times I had people over to my home bar. People wanted beer, no one wanted to drink out of stoopid tiki mugs, everyone took their lei off after about 45 seconds, and no one -- no one wanted garnish. And Yma Sumac was judged to sound like an animal that needed to be put out of her misery. And they wanted to watch the basketball game. Hawaiian shirts were so far out of the question that I didn't even consider suggesting they wear them. With time, they tried the drinks, got in the mood of it... no one was totally converted, and they still took their leis off, but I finally had a party where one of the two beer pony kegs didn't get tapped. Victory!

Hey, sounds like you were at my party! Same deal here with the leis. We spent the whole morning making a lei rack out of bamboo so guests could grab a lei on the way in. I had to explain the rack and they shrugged and walked in anyway. :::grumble::: You'd think they had to pay to rent them or something.

If you want to convert your friends, it might take a lot of patience. Anyone can be converted to great hospitality, though, so if you take a "come as you are" stance, and serve them beer if they want it without making them feel bad, they'll be relaxed and their minds will crack open a smidge... perfect time to slip them the Book of Tiki! They'll probably have questions about your bar, and the BOT is a great way to answer them and help them see you're not some lone wacko, but that this is something that is big and has a lot of history.

Book of Tiki? I thought that was just a running gag in here...there really is one?

Another suggestion is to try only having one or two people over at a time at first. Your friends might be more open to trying the "sissy" drinks without a crowd around. Plus, it's reasonable when one is simply a casual guest to understand that you just don't have any beer in the house. :wink: Consider serving them without any garnish and in rocks glasses at first.

I'm beginning to think that not having beer around is probably the best defense. Although I probably wouldn't mind the beer drinkers so much if they got the whole gist of the tiki atmosphere. And yes, they didn't much care for my Martin Denny and Lymon CD's either.

As a total devotee to immersive themed environments, where every detail fits, it kills me to say it -- but it just might be easier, and perhaps the better thing to do as a host, to meet your guests partway and ease them in gently. I'm so sorry your friends left you feeling for a while like you didn't want your bar anymore -- for them to have made you feel that bad about something you were so excited about, they must have had their heads pretty far up their asses.

Lesson learned. I'm not sure how I'm going to entertain from now on but I LOVE my tiki bar, and I love the tiki bars I've seen on here, and the art and craftsmanship I've seen here and the dedication to detail you many people have provided, and I'm going to continue enjoying myself tweaking my tiki bar details and to heck with the non-believers!

LavaLounge-wiping happy tears with a silk lei

On 2006-02-07 09:29, LavaLounger wrote:

...So they drank beers. I was soooooooo bummed after all that work...

... keep your bar, revise your booze inventory, better yet byob...

... also, put a .250" clear acrylic (preferably abrasion resistant) cover over the bar top and, depending on invitees, you can put pictures of hot chicks or dudes (?), or motorcyles, or figure skaters underneath... cater to your clientele a bit... keep your bar...

... doesn't hurt to have a pool table, pinball machines, and firecrackers available...

On 2006-02-07 11:01, midnite_tiki wrote:
Now, you cannot expect folks to dress in a manner they're really not accustomed. You invited "non-tiki people" over, should have expected primarily "non-tiki" reactions. Sounds like you got some positive responses to the room, that's good. Seems like par for the course, the people just didn't dig the Polynesian affect. Different strokes, ya know? Invite some other people over and maybe next time everyone will think you're cooler than the other side of the pillow.

You missed your target audience. Simple as that. I know Garth Brooks has sold a lot of albums, but I don't know anyone who actually owns one. Check that, I live with someone who does(eeek!). Civil War re-enacters and folks in Country & Western bars seem to enjoy themselves. Put me in those environments and I will be looking for a way out like a coyote stuck in a steel trap.

I think you are right about missing the target....I should have aimed LOWER! Arrrgh!

There are times I am at Vic's or some such Polynesian/Tiki watering hole and witness people ordering beer or some other non-tropical beverage. It's disappointing and somewhat aggravating. Alas, it's their call, and loss. One cannot make a person appreciate the finer things, you can try but tastes differ too much. I know, you're thinking, "then explain Celine Dion!" Sorry, almost all "midnite rules of life" do not apply to Quebecois.

BAH HA HA HA HA!!!

You obviously worked hard on your home tiki space and put considerable effort in the preparation and execution of the party. You either do "things" for yourself and the enjoyment you gain from them or you endeavor to receive other's approval. Human beings definitely need that acknowledgment, that "cool, you done good, nice job, you're the best" type recognition. It's natural. Beware letting it override your own interests when said interest does not result in others warm recognition. Translation: do want you want, your happiness is worth more than a few random "atta boys" from people that probably don't matter that much to you. Quoting a man a wee bit smarter than Professor Midnite, Richard Feynman, "Do you really care what others think of you?"

Well I had hoped they'd have all dropped to their knees and showered me with leis in total admiration and creative jealousy....but that was not to be. To be or not to be, is that a question?

Ya could do like me and have no friends! Everyone I know digs everything I like. Notwithstanding the nomadic recluse life, just go with it. You're on this planet a short time, enjoy it and don't sweat it if your friends/family are on a different frequency. The ones that matter will appreciate you, for what really counts: How much money you have!

Come to think of it, we don't have many friends anymore. Since we've gotten older we sort of like our hobby time around the house without having to put on a show and we are pretty happy entertaining ourselves....and our kids (in their 30's) who get a charge out of our bar and are all in the processes of making their own "theme" bars. So we did start something here. and money.....well we had some before we started the bar. yike.

Professor midnite's life lesson is now over, must go meet with my P.O. You owe me one Zombie, with no sissy umbrella!

One Zombie set aside...no umbrella, but 2 drink monkeys and a blue mermaid, palm tree stirrer, and a frozen limeade swizzle. Enjoy!!

LavaLounger-polishing up the tiki mugs

Some will get it, some won't, but the fact of the matter is they'll all have something to remember when they leave your awesome place. Let it sink in, and they will at least admire all the hard work that went into creating an oasis of pleasure.

As far as the nose holes go, my husband loves to freak out kids by putting chopsticks through his, and he's found out that the bone through the nose can be worn at any self respecting tiki shin dig!

What a great wedding idea Wahini! When my son got married we did his rehersal dinner as a tiki/luau....his bride's parents were NOT amused. To heck with them, we had a ball, looks like you did too.

BTW - where does one get a nose bone?

LavaLounger-can barely put kleenex in nose

On 2006-02-07 11:17, rupe33 wrote:
How can rum drinks, the liquor of PIRATES, the High Seas and other miscellaneous adventures, be thought of as "sissy"? That's just daft!

Would a Viking be a sissy because he drank buttermilk as well as beer, while wearing fur and horned hats?
Would a cowboy be thusly chastised for drinking whiskey?
Would the Vodka drinkers of Eastern Europe be considered feeble due to their propensity for fur hats (thus combining two Viking staples)?

This post brought to you by the One-Too-Many Bad Analogy Dept. of Tiki Central.

~Rupe

Wow! I'm going to print that out so I can launch it at the next clod that makes a remark about my tiki drinks being "sissy"...then I'll double the rum, triple the triple sec, and toss in some Everclear and stab that umbrella into his forehead and see how he can handle a "sissy" drink!

oooooookay.....maybe I need to go cool off for awhile!

LavaLounger-feeling tiki now

I've often wondered about the Hawaiian shirt/fruity-umbrella drink/"sissy" connection. Seems to me, if you're man enough to wear flowered shirts and drink a drink with 5 different decorations on/in it, you're pretty damned secure in your masculinity (whether or not you're hetero :wink:). It's an insecure man who fears for his percieved sexuality if spotted with a paper umbrella in his beverage.

Glad to be a girly-girl so I don't have to worry about that,
F

The halloween ideas are terrific! What a hoot!

But I might want to entertain before October....so might have to figure out some other ideas before then.

Oh yeah, the flowered shirts seem to be an issue for the folks that were here...maybe I should have posted a giant picture of Tiki Barber...don't think he'd be considered "sissy". Besides, I don't much care what anyone considers masculine or not, I just wanted people to be relaxed, and peaceful and happy and like they were on VACATION for a little while. Maybe if we compromise and set the little umbrellas on fire we can appeal to both sides of the fence.

LavaLounger-tiki arbitration

On 2006-02-07 12:05, gwenners wrote:
I had sort of the opposite experience: when my partner and I hosted a small party with friends last Summer, I tried to keep things fairly general. While libations were ready for our favourite rum-based drinks -- and after spending some time preparing garnishes -- we did not specifically try to be much more "tiki" than that. The music mix included some exotica, but focused more on general lounge. The food was eclectic, from the astro-weenie ball down to the wasabi guacamole. Attire was casual.

This said, my friends know that such is an interest of ours, and automatically assumed that was what they were in for a living room luau. Only a couple of them have been inside of a tiki bar in their time (the Conga Lounge). To this day, people refer to it at the "tiki party." I'm not upset by this, naturally -- still, they've not seen the half of it.

To the original poster: it sounds like this was simply a culture clash. For many, the concept of a bar is he place where you drink beer and watch the game. The idea of this having any sort of sophistication is lost on 'em. In the end, it's their loss.

Cheers,
Gwen Smith

Thanks Gwen - I'm sure you are right about the culture clash here. And perhaps if they are MY friends, they'll be more inclined to get into the atmosphere of the whole thing because they know me. I didn't really know the people that were here other than my folks, so perhaps they were ill at ease to begin with. Who knows, they didn't seem to be happy people anyway. Right again when you say it's their loss.

LavaLounger-needs tiki friends to hang with

"Ua naauao kahi poe a ua ole kahi"

[... keep your bar, revise your booze inventory, better yet byob...

... also, put a .250" clear acrylic (preferably abrasion resistant) cover over the bar top and, depending on invitees, you can put pictures of hot chicks or dudes (?), or motorcyles, or figure skaters underneath... cater to your clientele a bit... keep your bar...

... doesn't hurt to have a pool table, pinball machines, and firecrackers available...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! LOL!!!

On 2006-02-07 14:48, TIKI DAVID wrote:
"Ua naauao kahi poe a ua ole kahi"

Eh....ikky what?? Is that about a ukulele?

BTW - how is the cuyahoga? I was born there, about 30 million years ago, lived on the west side til the dinosaurs died out.

LavaLounger

Ya know what? If you like it, that's all that really matters. I like things that are considered different to a lot of people, but they are cool to me. There are so many people with so many inrterests that commonality is getting more and more rare. Heck, there are things I read that other people would think are weird, but obviously someone wrote it and other people read it too, even though I don't know them. Imagine living in a small town and having big dreams and/or unusual interests, but heck, look what James Dean did and he lived in a teeny-tiny town, and look what Elvis did and so on. Don't let other people you don't know hold you back from being happy. I gotta say, the internet is great for finding people with common interests (when you can't find those people at home). Heck, look at how many members there are on this website alone (this is a huge website), you aren't alone, what you did was cool. Look at how many people checked out this thread. Heck, and tell ya what, to the person that called them "sissy" drinks, well, I could say a few things, but I'll just say that I bet you could drink him under the table on those, cause we all know how powerful they are. Heck, and Las Vegas, New Orleans, Florida, Mexico, Jamaica and Hawaii are loaded with tropical type drinks, so the word "sissy" doesn't really even apply. On a side note, I don't think I've even heard that word for about 15 years. I say enjoy your tiki bar!

[ Edited by: Bete 2006-02-07 15:33 ]

[ Edited by: Bete 2006-02-07 15:35 ]

P.S. I want to add that remember the party was for your Parents so that was a great thing in itself, and also nobody had the right to disprepect you in your own house. If I were you, next time you throw a luau type of a party, just make sure everyone knows it's a luau type party, and then maybe everyone will have much more fun. Oh, yeah, and you probably always want to keep beer, wine and soda on hand, for people who don't drink mixed drinks.

[ Edited by: Bete 2006-02-07 15:34 ]

I would get the same thing. I would make all these tiki drinks, with fresh fruit and garnishes. And my friends would give me hell. So I stopped doing it. At least for them. Then they started to bitch because I had stopped making the fruity drinks! Hey if they want a beer it's cheaper, Easier, Save the good stuff for yourself.

It is amazing how much fruit costs once you really get going with it. It's just as amazing how much is sometimes left over. Glad you're keeping the tiki bar. I let my guests drink whatever they want, but lite beers must be kept in a cooler outside-ice is three dollars. Sorry you had the bad experience. I've had it too and it just made me want to make the bar more tiki than before.

I must be missing something here? Not that I have a Tiki Bar, but it would be super to have one and I must admit I'm sort of Tiki-envious when I see all the cool things that everyone has created. Oh yeah, get to the point. Well the point is that I'm confused!!! Aren't these the same "beer" drinkers that want to go to beautiful warm tropical paradises, and take cruises to the Islands etc? I know that the initial visitors to your Tiki-bar were "Grown-ups" but I think that you properly advised them that it would be an Island atmosphere. If they couldn't get into it that is their fault not yours and you should not ever give up your Tiki-ness to please others. Sure there are lots of people that may be resistant to the whole Tiki mug for your drink but who cares about them? As some here have suggested be sure that you have a few friends at the party who will enjoy the party along with you. The idea is, as I saw earlier in this post, to relax and soak up the environment. Think of your Tiki bar as a vacation destination where the sun shines everyday!!! Don't let the stodgy ones get to you!!! Enjoy your Tiki Bar and the peace, warmth and happiness that flow there and of course the yummy drinks!!!

aahhh yes, the infamous sissy drink comment.

I once had the pleasure (back in my college days) to be threatened with genuine bodily harm because of my lack of interest in Bud Light. A guy in my extended network of friends felt very uneasy not only with my choice of cocktails (not just tropical mind you, but Martini's and Rob Roy's as well), but also music tastes and interest in things other than the mainstream. He was a steroid using, 4-hour-a-day in the gym body builder complete with stereotype lisp and pink, torn muscle shirt. I believe he and his friends all drove some version of a jacked-up, wanna-be monster truck.

The point is, Lavalounger, I could sit here and tell you that you should have known your audience. That host or hostess should cater to the tastes of their guest. But I'm not going to... you created something very unique and invited people into your home out of the goodness of your heart and they were ungrateful bastards. If I were invited to, say, an Amish barn raising, I'd soak up as much of the unique experience as I could... not laugh at them for having a way of life that is different than mine. Insulting your host is not only in poor taste, but shows how closed-minded and ignorant a person is. Also, you made it clear in your invitation that the event was Tiki-themed... would they come to a Christmas party and be upset that you served eggnog? I'll have a Guinness any day of the week, but at a wine tasting I'd opt for something more in the spirit of the occasion.

There are some people in this world can only feel masculine with beer, fake boobs and Old Time Rock & Roll (with apologies to fellow Detroiter Bob Segar- love ya man)... and that's their loss.

Beer: the lowest common denominator

-Z

LavaLounger, Your story made me this sad...

but not because you had a bunch of unadventurous killjoys over to christen your new bar, but because you were so easily discouraged.

I promise the bad memory will only last as long as it takes to have a small group of friends over who tell you how much they enjoy their Navy Grogs!

Keep the faith. - Hodadhank

On 2006-02-07 14:11, LavaLounger wrote:

Book of Tiki? I thought that was just a running gag in here...there really is one?
Yes my brother! And since no one else is jumping in here, I'll point the way:

"The Book of Tiki" was written by Sven Kirsten (aka bigbrotiki), out on Taschen Books. The hardcovers are all gone, but there are paperbacks to be found fairly easily still, I believe. I'd hunt for the full, big book, rather than the smaller, slightly edited one (no breastesses!) from Old Navy.

Here it is on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/382282433X/sr=1-1/qid=1139366677/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-0005764-5350512?%5Fencoding=UTF8

And I also recommend that you get James Teitelbaum's "Tiki Road Trip" and Duke Carter's "Tiki Quest" if you're serious about finding the cool tiki bars wherever you are and collecting whatever cool mugs you can get your hands on.

But start with BOT. You'll thank me in the morning :)

Hmmmmmm....

Since you are in the Midwest, you might have a hard time finding true believers to the Tiki thing. I went to grad school in a Midwest state, and found out they are only interested in Tiki if you can somehow associate it with basketball.

You gotta do the Tiki thing for yourself. If you like it... if you want it, then let it be so. If other people want to waste their lives swigging Budweiser and scoffing at your tropical drinks, then let them.

To paraphrase Emerson, 'Not appreciating Tiki is the hobgoblin of little minds... Let us bow and apologize nevermore.'

[ Edited by: ScottMcGerik 2007-03-08 06:50 ]

[ Edited by: ScottMcGerik 2007-03-08 06:50 ]

Hey LavaLounger; don't worry, you are NOT alone! There are a few of us here in Kansas City (maybe more that I don't know about). If you're reading the KC ScAR you can't be too far from me. Sounds like you just had a high percentage of "beige" people in attendance. Sadly, the majority of people in this counrty lead lives of utter boredom. Have pitty on them.

OK Mrs. LavaLounger, you've cheered up pretty well from the start of the thread and it's no wonder with all of the replies from the TC ohana giving you encouragement to stand firm for what you enjoy in your home. Many of us can identify with your experience because in some ways a lot of us live on our own little "islands" of paradise. We who are the castaways from the corner bar (which is just a clone of a million other neon beer sign festooned dives). Those of us who are adrift in a sea of beer must cling to our coconut lifeboats and pineapple rafts until we make it to port. In other words, we dig your efforts and as one of your closest tiki neighbors, I say, rest assured you are in friendly waters. Hopefully the local tikiphiles will get a tiki home bar crawl thing organized soon and we can share the hospitality with the few in the area who are in the know.
I sometimes think it would be a good idea to have a rack of my Hawaiian shirts at the entry of our place so that visitors could select one to wear and feel more a part of the atmosphere when they visit (if they did not arrive in island attire already). However, I don't want to push them or force a strange drink on anyone who is my guest. If they are open to try it that's great but I never expect them to conform to my style. I think as a general summation it would be fairly accurate to assume that our friends, neighbors and relatives just think we're a bit "adrift".
But they see it as a harmless escape hatch to an imaginary tropical destination. And if they don't feel compelled to hitch a ride on the raft, then let them stay on the dock. You can send them a postcard. Live Aloha, 8FT

On 2006-02-07 18:59, Formikahini wrote:

On 2006-02-07 14:11, LavaLounger wrote:

Book of Tiki? I thought that was just a running gag in here...there really is one?
Yes my brother! And since no one else is jumping in here, I'll point the way:

"The Book of Tiki" was written by Sven Kirsten (aka bigbrotiki), out on Taschen Books. The hardcovers are all gone, but there are paperbacks to be found fairly easily still, I believe. I'd hunt for the full, big book, rather than the smaller, slightly edited one (no breastesses!) from Old Navy.

Oh! That brings back some classic memories;
I remember being a new TC member, and I had the balls to say; "Hey Tiki dudes! Let's create a Tiki Central mug!", and someone politely said , uh Unga, we already have one.
Welcome to the Tiki club LavaLounger! (By the way, it's a great one.) :)

On 2006-02-07 21:13, 8FT Tiki wrote:
I sometimes think it would be a good idea to have a rack of my Hawaiian shirts at the entry of our place so that visitors could select one to wear and feel more a part of the atmosphere when they visit (if they did not arrive in island attire already).

GENIUS!!! Kinda like the bad sport coats and ties they "loan" you at dress-code restrictive restaurants. I'll get two of every size, and post a little sign in the foyer similar to those from shop class that read "protective eye-wear must be worn at all times"!

Mahalo, 8ft Tiki!

Why would you let what others think bother you? I myself wear hawaiian shirts all year long and get the heckles from the more macho type guys. Hell, don't let 'em get you down. They are probably burying some deep yearning to go to Brokeback Mountain for some man love and are too afraid to come out.F*ck 'em,do yer own thing and enjoy your tiki bar.My wife thought I was crazy,but gradually fell in line.My super macho friend amazingly enough now owns three aloha shirts!They will fall in line.Don't worry yer bar kicks ass!!

On 2006-02-07 18:38, Feelin' Zombified wrote:
aahhh yes, the infamous sissy drink comment.

I once had the pleasure (back in my college days) to be threatened with genuine bodily harm because of my lack of interest in Bud Light.

Maybe I got It wrong but doesn't the 'light' in Bud Light mean it is a weaker version of the normal beer, and he reckons yours was a sissy drink.

PS I hope I haven't offended any Bud Light drinkers, I'm sure it has its uses, like before lunchtime and whilst at work.. err...I think I'll stop

On 2006-02-08 08:10, hodadhank wrote:

On 2006-02-07 21:13, 8FT Tiki wrote:
I sometimes think it would be a good idea to have a rack of my Hawaiian shirts at the entry of our place so that visitors could select one to wear and feel more a part of the atmosphere when they visit (if they did not arrive in island attire already).
GENIUS!!! Kinda like the bad sport coats and ties they "loan" you at dress-code restrictive restaurants. I'll get two of every size, and post a little sign in the foyer similar to those from shop class that read "protective eye-wear must be worn at all times"!

Mahalo, 8ft Tiki!
In fact, this is precisely what Basement Kahuna DID do in the KonTiki Paradise Room. A whole slew of Hawaiian shirts AND dresses, for whomever arrived improperly attired. (No non-admittance rule, however - ever the welcoming, gracious host.)

WOW! I guess everyone is passionate about this topic! I must be lucky, my friends and family have all enjoyed my new love, the Tiki Bar. My friend named it for us, we have the "Lizard Lounge". Very appropriate considering the amount of gecko poo I clean up out there. I also like the play on words!

I did one thing a little different, I had some great drinks I wanted to try out, but wasn't sure how my company would like them. So at each get-together I pick one drink to be the "Special" for the night. When the first round gets made, I offer the special, or whatever else they want. Then I also only spend a little, getting the garnish for only one drink ready. I keep all the toys ready and can improvise any drink garnish.

Of course I live in Hawaii, and my house has a lanai with a view of Kaneohe Bay and the world famous Coconut Island where parts of Gilligan's Islands were filmed. Very inspiring!

Also, if you want to get your guest to wear their leis, you can tell them that in Hawaii it is considered impolite to remove your lei in the presence of the giver...

Anyway, I invite any TCers who visit Hawaii to come over to the Lizard Lounge. We promise to not call anyone a sissy, or make them drink beer, unless they so desire!

ALOHA!