If we're not supposed to eat people, why are they made out of meat? (the Cannibal Thread)

Here's a yummy article.

Long Pig, the other white meat.

[Edited to fix broken link.]

[ Edited by: Hakalugi 2012-07-27 15:30 ]

"My bolonga has a first name ... "

T Shirt Hell

Good one Satan's Sin!

That article was so gross, I think I'll be skipping lunch today.

[ Edited by: Tikiwahine on 2004-12-16 14:27 ]

Yuck! If I'm going to eat human flesh, it better be fresh, not rotten!

Well, the dude shows up at a cardboard shack for sex and drugs. How did he think it would end??

Well, the dude shows up at a cardboard shack for sex and drugs. How did he think it would end??

Well, last time I had sex and drugs with a man in a cardboard box there were certainly tears, I grant you, but nothing as egregious as this.

[ Edited by: Satan's Sin on 2004-12-16 15:01 ]

Great quote - and amazing coincidence ... I had lunch with Flounder today, and told him I wanted to get a t-shirt with this on it!!! That was around noon eastern time, so it was before you posted. Tribal vibes reaching out across the miles.

So, here we are surrounded by food, and there are still people going hungry. Go figure.

Q: Why don't we eat clowns?
A: They taste funny!

Thank you, don't forget to tip your waitress...
:tiki:

On 2004-12-16 17:02, cybertiki wrote:
Great quote - and amazing coincidence ... I had lunch with Flounder today, and told him I wanted to get a t-shirt with this on it!!! That was around noon eastern time, so it was before you posted. Tribal vibes reaching out across the miles.

Yes tribal indeed. Thoughts and acts of cannibalism have a way of transcending the space time continuum. Something to do with recycling but I'm not sure. I still have some more experimenting to do.

We are only repulsed because we are not accustomed to it.

(that's what they say in prison Baxdog said...)

On 2004-12-17 22:40, Tiki_Bong wrote:
We are only repulsed because we are not accustomed to it.

Who's repulsed? I was serious!

A man is captured by cannibals, every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "Hey, you can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks!"

Cheers!

Two missionaries were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.

A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary was incredulous, and said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're going to eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

The other missionary said, "I just pissed in their soup!"

Cheers!

Stay on the beach. The natives over there are cannibals.
They eat liars with the same enthusiasm as they eat honest men.

http://www.cybertiki.com

[ Edited by: cybertiki on 2004-12-18 05:13 ]

On 2004-12-16 17:02, cybertiki wrote:
Great quote - and amazing coincidence ... I had lunch with Flounder today, and told him I wanted to get a t-shirt with this on it!!! That was around noon eastern time, so it was before you posted. Tribal vibes reaching out across the miles.

So, here we are surrounded by food, and there are still people going hungry. Go figure.

How weird! That was Cybers exact quote.

Pissing in the soup joke is great.

[ Edited by: FLOUNDERart on 2004-12-18 06:27 ]

Don't Read This One...mmmmm...mmmm...good...

Thu Dec 16,10:01 AM ET Oddly Enough - Reuters

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A Mexican man killed his lover in a drunken, drugged fight then cooked the man's body in tomato and onion sauce and ate it over three days.

Police found Gumaro de Dios Arias grilling rotting human flesh for his breakfast, including part of a heart, when they raided a shack he lived in near the Caribbean beach resort of Playa del Carmen, a police chief said on Wednesday.

"He was preparing stews. There was a grill where he was cooking part of the heart and bits he had cut off the body. It was terrible, terrible," said local police chief Martin Estrada, who was among a dozen police who raided the shack.

Arias told police the victim, a young man, arrived at his cardboard hut in a wasteland area with a mutual friend who then left the two of them drinking and taking drugs.

The pair had sex and afterward a fight broke out during which he killed the man with blows to the head, police said.

Police arrested Arias, 25, on Tuesday after a tip off.

"They said there was a person eating a person," Estrada said.

"We found him lying on a folding bed and to one side was the corpse which had been torn apart and which it seems he had been eating for three days," he told Reuters.

The corpse, which had its back ripped open and its innards pulled out, was missing various parts, like a thigh, he said.

Wow! That's another example of cannibal coincidence. Kalikiana's above post is the exact same article that is linked in the very first post of this thread!!!

On 2004-12-18 11:35, Hakalugi wrote:
Wow! That's another example of cannibal coincidence. Kalikiana's above post is the exact same article that is linked in the very first post of this thread!!!

OK ... so you want a DIFFERENT true cannibal story? Try this one: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3263163.stm

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker
were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword."

The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please."

The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!"

The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork.

The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.

The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, what are you doing?"

The New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe asshole!

Cheers!

Cannibal: One who loves his fellow man (with gravy).

... and then there's always the one about the Cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle one day.

Cheers!

All we want ...

... is to serve Man.

Whooops! Sorry about the repeat post before...I had no idea it was the same story. When I first tried the link, I got an error page. Hmmmm, works fine now...

By the way, I'm loving the cannibal jokes!

[ Edited by: Kalikiana on 2004-12-18 23:59 ]

That's alright Kalikiana. If the linked article moves or disappears, the story will now continue to be here for everyone to savor.

Ayyyy, I am speechless again.

"...I said Mr. Purple People Eater don't eat me. And he said to me in a voice so gruff "I wouldn't eat you because you're too tough""

• Sheb Wooley

I took the family to the utterly fascinating 'Body Worlds' exhibit (http://www.bodyworlds.com/en/pages/home.asp) at the Science Center yesterday.

And all I kept thinking about was this thread & how you'd prepare the various parts... Thanks a lot!

These two cannibals kill a missionary. They argue for a while about how to divide him up, when finally, one of them says,"Okay. You start at the head and I'll start at the feet." So they begin their tasty feast. After a while one of them says, "Hey, this is really great. I'm having a ball.""Slow down!" cries the other cannibal "you're eating too fast!

Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." The 2nd replies, "So, try the potatoes."

The first cannibal asked the 2nd cannibal, "Aren't you done eating yet?" The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now."

One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of cannibals. There, people cost $2 but politicians cost $25. The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians cost so much?" The chief answered, "Do you know how hard it is to clean one of those?"

Cheers!

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."
The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder ... those are friars!"

HEHE....now that give's new meaning to the words "Friar's Roast". @;-)

Here's a useful chart just in time for your holiday feast preparations:

[ Edited by: Hakalugi on 2004-12-25 10:29 ]

BUMP

Just in time for the upcoming holiday feasts, eh Spermy?

...what did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
the cold shoulder...

... have you heard about the cannibal restaurant where dinner costs an arm and a leg?..

... two cannibals were eating a clown. one said to the other, "does this taste funny to you?"...

... two cannibals were eating dinner. one said, "i really hate my sister."
the other said, "well, just eat the noodles."

http://www.tikicentral.com/viewtopic.php?topic=17055&forum=1&0

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his front porch?
He liked to greet everyone with a hand shake.

Two missionaries were traveling trough the jungle, and got caught by the local tribe. The village elder explained "You have tresspassed on our most sacred and holy burial ground. Now you must pay the price. The ancient penalty was known as "the choice". Either death, or "bunga bunga". The tribal elder pointed at the first missionary and said "choose!". The first missionary said "death is so final, and absolute, so I choose Bunga bunga, whatever that is". The elder then said " he has chosen!". He gave a command, and 4 of the biggest guys ran over, tied the missionary to a stake and proceeded to brutally rape him over and over, until he collapsed in a heap, sobbing and bleeding from the rectum. Now, the village elder points at the other missionary and says "choose". The second missionary looked at his falled comrade, and said "I have SEEN Bunga Bunga, and fuggedaboudit! I choose death!!". The village elder smiled and said "A wise choice my friend, however, according to our custom we have a tradtional way we administer the death penalty here". He looked at the missionary and said "Death.....

By BUNGA BUNGA!!!!!!!"

WOW..i had forgotten that joke ..i heard that in college..thati s an absolute CLASSIC.. THANK YOU!!!

“I love children. Especially when they’re well cooked”
-W.C. Fields.
Comic Actor and suspected Cannibal

"I never met a man I didn't like".
---Will Rogers
( American humorist, movie star, suspected cannibal)

I always find that the subject of canibalism really takes the edge off a potentialy explosive conversation about politics

have been watching tons of those BBQ shows on the food Network recently.
I recorded one, and showed it to My Buddy JonPaul, asd he looks over at me and says where do we get BBQ longpig?
:wink:

Jeff(bigtikidude)

More cannibals in the news.
11/14/2009

Kebab diners in Russia get murder shock

Russian police are investigating a case of cannibalism involving three homeless men and a kebab shop. The three men are suspected of killing a man, eating part of his body and the selling other parts to a kebab shop. Police statements have revealed the men were unhappy with the victim and had allegedly targeted him because of their hostility. The men, from the city of Perm, some 1,400 kilometres east of Moscow have been charged with the murder of a 25-year-old victim. The body of the man was found in the forest in Perm and was found to have been attacked with knives and a hammer. The corpse was dismembered. Part of it was eaten and part was also sold to a kebab and pie kiosk, according to police.
The kebab shop was not identified.

In some parts of the world they are unfortunate homeless people. In other parts, they are a lovely kebab with a nice curry sauce.

I think Chip and Andy are suggesting a possible solution to world hunger!!

Meanwhile, those wacky Russians are at it again:

Russian cannibal who ate mother has sentence reduced 'because he was hungry'

A Russian cannibal who killed and ate parts of his own mother has had his prison sentence reduced by nine months after a court accepted he resorted to cannibalism out of hunger rather than preference.

Sergei Gavrilov admitted he had used parts of his murdered mother's legs to make soup and pasta for weeks on end. But he argued he was driven to the desperate act because he had ran out of money and was starving.

"I did not like the flesh," he told investigators. "It was too fatty."

A court in southern Russia accepted his explanation and ruled that the unemployed 27 year-old had therefore not wantonly defiled his mother's own corpse. It did find him guilty of murder, however, and sentenced him to fourteen years and three months in prison, according to Russian news agency Interfax.

That is nine months less than the standard 15-year sentence for such a crime. Mr Gavrilov got off more lightly because of his confession and because the judge believed he had turned to cannibalism out of hunger rather than preference.

Mr Gavrilov said he had killed his 55 year-old mother Lyubov last January after she refused to hand over her pension. He wanted to spend the money on a drinking and gambling binge.

Angered by her refusal, he hit her on the head with a brick and strangled her with an electric cord before dumping her lifeless body on the balcony.

It was only two weeks later after he had spent all her money that he discovered that her body had frozen on the balcony and decided to begin slicing bits of flesh from her legs to keep his hunger pangs at bay.

wow, Nice.

The man arrested recently in Ohio(?)n with the bodies of 11 prostitutes in his home apparently offered free BBQ to his neighbors on a regular basis.

Why don't cannibals eat divorced women?

Because they're bitter.

Bear
Don't be angry with me, ladies. It's my wife's joke.

Finger Food - Self cannibalism in New Zealand

Yikes!

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