Take the Tiki Psych Quiz

Tiki Psych Quiz

1. Are you taking this quiz of your own free will?
   Yes
   No

2. Aside from Tiki Torches and Coffee Grogs, do you enjoy setting things on fire?
   Yes
   No

3. Which of the following have you flicked through without actually looking for anything?
   a. the telephone book
   b. The Book of Tiki
   c. your partner/spouse's diary
   d. a blank sketchbook

4. Which of the following activities are you best suited for?
   a. puppet shows
   b. poodle shaving
   c. pig sticking
   d. gene splicing

5. Have you ever tried to play Exotica records backwards to search for hidden messages? If so, did you
   find them?
   Yes
   No

6. In your opinion, is it rude for Tikis to stare?
   Yes
   No

7. Some people like to keep a certain quantity of magazines near the toilet. Do you have any of the
   following in your bathroom at the moment?
   a. Reader's Digest
   b. Bachelor Pad
   c. Tiki Magazine
   d. Affluent Traveler

8. Have you ever had a meaningful conversation with any of your Tikis?
   Yes
   No

9. If you could become any Tiki totem, which would you be? ___________________________

10. Have you ever been bothered by an over-concern with keeping things (clothing, mugs, tools,
    TC threads) in perfect order or arranged exactly?
    Yes
    No

11. If you had to evacuate your residence within thirty seconds, which single tiki item would you
    grab on your way out the door? __________________________________________________

12. Have you ever felt driven to perform certain acts over and over again, such as measuring, counting,
    arranging, evening-up behaviors (i.e., making sure Tikis are all at same height)?
    Yes
    No

13. What is the oddest material you've ever fabricated a Tiki from?
    a. belly button lint
    b. expanding foam
    c. silly string
    d. _______________________________

14. Have you ever celebrated any anniversary of having acquired a particular Tiki?
    Yes
    No

15. Finish this statement: “When I get upset, my Tikis usually _________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________”

16. Have you ever lied to friends and/or family members to conceal the extent of your Tiki collecting?
    Yes
    No

17. Are you in the habit of inspecting the garbage before it's thrown out, or repeating routine actions
    (walking through doorway, re-lighting cigarette) a certain number of times until it just feels right?
    Yes
    No

18. Have you ever introduced any of your Tikis to your family?
    Yes
    No

19. How many times have you and your partner/spouse had “alone time” since Tiki first came into
    your lives?________________

20. Have you ever introduced a Tiki as “my significant other?”
    Yes
    No

21. Is your partner/spouse supportive of your Tiki collection?
    Yes
    No

22. Is your Tiki collection supportive of your partner/spouse?
    Yes
    No

23. Do you think that your Tikis respect you?
    Yes
    No
    I can't say.

24. Which, if any, of the following statements is true about you?
    a. The fez is my yarmulke.
    b. The fez is my dunce cap.
    c. The fez is my thinking cap.
    d. I conceal food inside my fez.

25. Which of the following collectibles would you own if it became available?
    a. A Witco casket.
    b. A Ku-shaped vibrator.
    c. A Jimmy Buffett pinata.
    d. The Martha Stewart Tiki Book.

26. Which, if any, of the following statements applies to you?
    a. I sometimes mistake friends & acquaintances' faces for Tikis.
    b. I sometimes mistake Tikis for the faces of dead Presidents.
    c. I sometimes mistake my partner's face for a Tiki.
    d. I see Tiki faces in my cappuccino foam.

27. Has your partner/spouse ever heard you utter any of the following words or phrases in your
    sleep?
    a. Otagiri.
    b. Fu Manchu.
    c. Mystery Girl.
    d. Don Ho.

28. How often, and in what context, do you think about bamboo?
    a. I think about bamboo at least twice a day.
    b. I never stop thinking about bamboo.
    c. I often think about hacking at bamboo with a machete.
    d. I think about having intercourse with bamboo.

29. When you construct fantasies, do they involve any of the following elements?
    a. Erupting volcanos and/or nosebleeds.
    b. Cocktails with abnormally long straws.
    c. Tiki mugs with inexplicable hair growth.
    d. Wahines bathing in coconut milk.

30. Which of the following statements is true for you at the present time?
    a. I think of sex more than I think about Tiki.
    b. I think about Tikis more than I think about sex.
    c. I only think about sex whenever I think of Tiki.
    d. I try to keep thinking about anything to a minimum.

31. Have you ever shouted any of the following words or phrases while in the act of having sex?
    a. Hinky Dink!
    b. R-70!
    c. Bora Bora!
    d. Suffering Bastard!

32. Many couples enjoy engaging in erotic photography. Which, if any, of the following statements applies to you?
    a. I take more photos of my partner/spouse than anything else.
    b. I take more photos of my Tiki mug collection than my partner/spouse.
    c. I prefer to take photos of my partner/spouse with my Tiki collection.
    d. I prefer to dress my Tiki collection in sexy lingerie.

Congratulations! You have now completed the Tiki Psych quiz! You should be proud of yourself for this accomplishment: if you have any available, you should attach a gold star to the top of page one and give yourself a great big A+! Some of you may have surmised correctly that there is no scoring on this quiz, since there are no “right” answers. But please feel free to print out the quiz (including your answers) and add it to your Tiki collection.

i was gonna take this..
but if everybody's a winner
and there is no scale to measure it against
it takes all the fun out of it...

I'm the guy who hasn't taken survey 1 on facebook...

i also hate those kids games these days
where they give ALL the kids awards
so the losers don't feel like losers...

That's not kid's games, that's public education.

amen to that!

kinda feel sorry for all those kids when they hit the real world...

kinda...

:)

CONGRATS YOU TWO!!!
YOU WIN!11!!!!111!!!
CUZ YA MADE POSTS!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY EVERYBODY IS A WINNER!
YAAY!

:)

Yaaaaaay!!

This is the best quiz ever. Made my Pineapple Paradise squirt out my nose.
However, it went back into the drink, so nothing was wasted.

Yaaaaaaay!!

Dat be fun. 'Got a couple amused snorts and a couple "huh?" thoughts while going through.