A gift question

I have been working on a bar area for about a year, it's not tiki yet but it's the direction I want to go.

What do you do when friends, grandkids and our own kids gives us stuff for the bar area that is in no way tiki, from what I read.

I feel obligated to hang it up, not that is ugly or anything but not tiki. It's not that I don't like it or appreciate the thought.

The only thing I can think of is hang it all up and still try to head in the direction I want to go ?

It's going to take me along time to get where I want, so some of it may not be around in the end anyway since it's an outside bar.

Just wondering how most handle this ?

That is a tough question that I think all of us struggle with. I know lots of people will only put the stuff up when the person who gifted it comes over.

I will usually say something like, "I haven't found a good place for it yet but I am trying" or "I haven't found the right stuff to hang it with, I don't want it to get broken." I usually don't put stuff that I don't like in my bar. Sometimes I will compromise and put one of the six things that they got me in to appease them. Currently my bar is so full that I can use the excuse that my bar is just too full to fit anything else right now. I am pretty honest with my mother and I try to let her know that I do not want most things people get me. You can always use the excuse, "I am sorry but I am a freak. I have a big vision about this bar that I am building from scratch and this just doesn't fit the decor theme I am going for."

I once received a tiki bar sign in glitter on an oversized novelty bottle cap. It went in the trash. Luckily I am no longer friends with that person, so I do not have to explain my actions. I think most people on TC are a lot nicer than me, so I feel like some of the later suggestions might do you more good than my comments. Anything that you do will likely be the wrong choice so just do what is best for your bar is my suggestion. Tell people to get you mugs. It is tough for anyone to have too many.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.

Edit: I do not have children so it is a more difficult choice for you for sure.

[ Edited by: lunavideogames 2014-06-04 00:17 ]

You'll find more feedback to the same topic here;

http://www.tikicentral.com/viewtopic.php?topic=40956&forum=1&hilite=unwanted

and here;

http://www.tikicentral.com/viewtopic.php?topic=1579&forum=1

Just thank the person who gave you the gift, I had an outside area I put
most of the items that were gifted to me that I couldn't really use
(El Jefe, posted an old picture to mock me a few weeks back)

But you shouldn't feel obligated to use a gift if it is not right for your space
but always thank the person for trying to be thoughtful.

Well after reading all of that I still have no idea.

I can't put it up when they come over because the bar is outside and they are always over here and I have no idea whet others will show up.

So I guess I will keep it hung up and add what I want to it and eventually the weather will weed out certain things, with a little help.

It will be alright, the space was not decorated anyway so I have a long way to go and a lot of space to fill, it will all work out. As I add some things I can also talk with them over time as to what is more of the right direction.

I am not going to hurt anyone's feelings, I still have a lot to learn about this so I can't expect everyone else to know.
Some came from Florida and 2 signs from key West and another carried all the way back from St Thomas, no way I would not use them.....................but wood and metal just don't hold up well over time in the weather, so later we will talk about if they do want to get something what might work better.

Nothing tiki in Key West. No good drinks either. Don't get me wrong, I love the place but the only gifts I want are rum and hot sauce.

Sounds like you're getting started decorating the way YOU want to decorate, so you have a great "out" you can use on them:

"Soon I'm buying some X for my bar, and I can't wait to get it and start putting it up."

This will allow you to introduce them to the concept that YOU are designing and decorating, and that YOU are prioritizing. Once they understand that YOU are working on a certain look and feel, they may quickly come to make the connection that they need to learn from YOU what it is you're doing and that THEIR stuff may not fit in. After all, they must realize that they're not going to decorate YOUR bar for you.

You can also say things like, "What I envision is X and Y..." and then help them catch on to YOUR enthusiasm and vision.

We all suffer from some of this problem at various times. It's like someone giving me a bottle of Bacardi or Cuervo when you know it's going to be hard to use. (Unless you have floor wax somewhere to strip.)

Oh, and you could just hand them a copy of the Oceanic Arts catalog and mutter something about your upcoming birthday, Christmas, etc. Heh!

Maybe you can start a wall of shame in your garage...make it look good!!!!

I put it up, when I know they are coming & stash it, again, when they leave.

On 2014-06-04 11:57, dtel wrote:
As I add some things I can also talk with them over time as to what is more of the right direction.

This is exactly the right attitude to have. We all end up with items like the ones you are talking about from well intentioned family and friends. No big deal. As a matter of fact after taking the approach you mentioned I have had many friends who come to me later and laugh about what horrible tiki gifts they have given me.

On 2014-06-04 12:35, AceExplorer wrote:
Oh, and you could just hand them a copy of the Oceanic Arts catalog and mutter something about your upcoming birthday, Christmas, etc. Heh!

Right on right on!!!

You can cover a lot of things with fish net and foliage, if they ask where it is, it's behind the fish net I haven't had time to move it!

It's so difficult, and you'll find the problem never goes away. I posted in the second thread linked by swizzle above all the way back in 2002, and I still get gifts that don't fit. Making things even more difficult, my own tastes have refined; I can be given something that is perfectly wonderful, but it still doesn't fit in with my vision. Basically, I am impossible.

The best approach I have seen is to quarantine it. Find some space where all this stuff can live together. You're only going to get more over the years, trust me. A bathroom, a side wall, some place that's out of sight. Nip it in the bud if you have anyone getting overexcited and giving you too much stuff. Don't feel bad, and don't let it compromise your vision.

Your best bet is to get a cat. Then you have the "My cat broke it" excuse. This can only be used once or twice, unless the cat is known to be nuts (as some cats are).

Source: We just adopted a three month old kitten. We might as well have adopted a flying blender as a pet.

Educate them!

I've had my bar/lounge built out for about a year and a half and the gifts have definitely improved over time. I also had to put a "no spiced rum" rule into effect. This led to questions... which led to me getting things like 10 cane and Appleton brought over instead of the sailor jerry and Bacardi I was getting at first.

I have family members that are addicted to garage sales, flea markets and antique stores. Over the years they have found some very good finds for me and some very bad ones. My aunt always brings me things and says "if it don't fit throw it away". I always take everything with a smile and I am genuinely happy to have it because once in a while they find a diamond in the coal pile. The more urban archaeologists in the field means more finds :D

a tiki bar sign in glitter on an oversized novelty bottle cap - Gaaaaa!! A "wall of shame" Haaa ha ha ha! Some, I put up & some I put out- I did have a Flintstones looking day glow rock (lit from inside) that had "tiki bar" written on it gifted to me; sorry, it's gone.

[ Edited by: Holler Waller 2014-06-08 07:41 ]

This won't help with the gifts you've already received, but here's an idea that might help, going forward.

Collect and print pictures of other bars that you find attractive, and that represent the direction you want to go, in your own design and decor. The 'Home Tiki Bars' thread could probably furnish plenty of pictures, for a start. Maybe have them printed as 4x6 photos at Walmart, instead of on printer paper, so they'll be nice and vivid.
As you collect the pictures, put them in plastic sheet protectors, in a notebook, and keep it at your bar. Share it with your guests, telling them this is your "inspiration book", the direction you dream of taking your own bar decor, over time. Mention what you like about what they're seeing, and contrast it with the "bad plastic flourescent tiki" of Party City, etc. Keep adding new pictures, over time, and maybe also keep adding some "cocktail recipes of the month" you want to feature for your bar, so they'll revisit the notebook. Maybe they'll start to get "the vision", and their future contributions will fit in, better.