fantasy Tiki restaurant

I’ve begun to realize that my fantasy Tiki restaurant may never exist.
What do I want?
A freestanding building with the traditional A frame.
Giant Easter island Tiki “guarding” the walkway.
The entrance in the center of a huge Tiki’s mouth.
The interior would be all horseshoe booths in a semi circle around a stage. Every 45 minutes a large animatronic Tiki would rise from a volcano atop the stage and proceed to tell jokes and sing songs for 20 minutes. Tiki masks on the walls would sing backup. Every 35 minutes the volcano would “erupt”. Perhaps spewing bubbles. Perhaps tiny bubbles.

This is my dream.
Pray I win the lottery.

what? no booze? :drink:

Don't forget that each show should be topped off with an animotronic virgin being tossed into the flames.

That would be a tough one to find now days, but good luck anyways.

Definition of an animatronic virgin:

An UGLY 12 year old animatron! Yuk, yuk.

[ Edited by: Bamboo Dude on 2004-07-22 22:48 ]

Where's the food? Pupus as far as the eye can see-flaming,steaming,smoking on individual hibachis-yum.Oh,and a nightly drawing for a trip for two to Hawaii.Would be heaven!

the parking lot and walk up to the front door would be crushed volcanic rock instead of asphalt

the coat check room would be flanked by cages of monkeys and toucans

the interior waterfall would divide into little streams that go by every table so the patrons can sail little outrigger canoes

in the bathroom everything would be giant conch shells

[ Edited by: Johnny Dollar on 2004-07-23 06:27 ]

One very nice thing about LAX's "Theme" building is that you need to take a one-story elevator up to the restaurant ... when you step in the elevator (which is darkened, and has a weird sort of lava-like ceiling) this very loungey, Fisherman's burlesque kind of futuristic vibraphone music starts playing ... and is timed to last only as long as the short elevator trip ...

Something like this should be incorporated into the Ideal Tiki Restaurant.

(ps -- the interior of the LAX Theme Building restaurant is the closest thing I've seen to George Jetson come to life .... but as there is no such thing as perfection, the service is indifferent, the food gaggingly awful, the bill eye-poppingly huge.)

• Pu-pus delivered by little outrigger canoes, like those water-borne sushi conveyors. - The Kahiki's or LA's the Tahitian's giant Aku Fireplace in the Lounge. - The Volcano has inserts made of mixed, crushed red,orange & yellow glass that're back-lit with chase lights, giving the image of lava slowly flowing down the sides. - A greenhouse out back for growing tropical flowers and fresh tropical fruit for garnish & fresh-squeezed juices for the drinks. - A live floorshow, with a live band, MCed by King Kukulele. - The urinals in the Mens Room are a lava wall with a waterfall to flush it. - A Mai-Tai bar in the Ladies Lounge to serve them while they freshen up. - The phone booth is one of those old fashioned sit-down-&-close-the-door types, wallpapered with preserved palmfronds, with a blowfish lamp that lights up when you close the door, & "Quiet Village" plays in the background, doing a slow fade out when you pick up the phone. - A Tiki Motel out back for those that can't drive home after too many Scorpion Bowls. - Every drink has it's own special mug, that you can buy & take home for just $1 extra. - A 3-D diorama of a South Pacific island lagoon behind the bar, with a miniature fishing village in the foreground, and the painted "sky" fades from daylight, through a fairly realistic sunset, to a star-spangled night, & back through a pale lemon-yellow & orchid-pink colored sunrise to full daylight, and does this several times a night. - A patio lit by gas powered tiki torches and strings of lights with bamboo & coconut shell shades, each carved into different tiki images. - Any drink can be ordered as a double in a pineapple shell. - Hukilau is held there every other year, where ever the bar may be (even on the West Coast, or on a small island in the middle of the Pacific).

I'll probably think of more later, I still have 1/2 a container of Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans...

Rev. Dr. Frederick J. Freelance, Ph.D., D.F.S

[ Edited by: freddiefreelance on 2004-07-23 09:42 ]

On 2004-07-23 06:22, Johnny Dollar wrote:

in the bathroom everything would be giant conch shells.

Ouch!

On 2004-07-23 09:44, Tiki Rider wrote:

On 2004-07-23 06:22, Johnny Dollar wrote:

in the bathroom everything would be giant conch shells.

Ouch!

:) alright, the commodes could be porcelain made to LOOK like giant shells, maybe like would be in the Disney 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea :)

The waiters would be muscle-bound Polynesian boys with tattoos and grass skirts, and the waitresses would be Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Contest winners.

The maitre d' should be a mysterious and elegant Chinaman with a beautiful white dinner jacket.

The bouncer should be an ex-South Seas schooner captain, complete with greasy sailor hat perched on the back of his head, a three-day beard, and a half-smoked cigar clamped between his teeth.

The hostess should be Madame Chiang Kai-shek.

W-O-W.
It's Disneyland meets Trader Vic's meets Rainforest Cafe meets HOoters.

The only thing that would make it perfect is it could be mobile; either on wheels or with the ability to fly from major city to major city depending on demand.

Maybe it could fold up into an over-size Airstream trailer?

There would be no real windows and no clocks to tell you you've been thre for three days already.

I'm there-Satan's Sin,whose the bartender??? Oh,Trader Vic,of course.

this is starting to get paranormal :)

Johnny Dollar-you're absolutely right-it's "Twilight Zone Tiki"-coming to a black and white TV near you!

Here's a thread over a year-old where this idea was tossed around before. It's a worthy topic that deserves to be resurrected every year.
https://tikicentral.com/viewtopic.php?topic=192&forum=1

In my bar, the bartenders would be treated as gods. At the end of the night both the bar and bartenders would be hoisted up into the cieling by ropes hauled by the aforementioned muscle-bound Polynesian boys, to the beat of giant drums and the chants of thanks from the grateful patrons below.

Each booth is far enough from each other to enable a romantic conversation without shouting.
So dark that you almost need a flashlight to eat, only Tiki lights and lit blowfish and glass floats.
Water running every where; waterfalls down lava rock walls with fire at the base, streams floating flowers.
Strolling slack key musicians.

Here is the Maitre d' and Head Barman:

...and swizzlesticks of classic design that changed every so often with none so rare as to be hard to get...and politically incorrect matchbooks with those raised breasts. The walls of bathroom stalls and above urinals would be lined with repro pages from old Witco, OA, OoH, Bensons and Sea and Jungle Shop catalogs mixed with classic menu and sheet music art.

How about nice soft Hawaiian Music.

How about a nice soft Hawaiian BAND?

But just to stay out of a rut, once a week Esquivel should be gotten out of his grave and restored to his youthful glory and given back his Vegas band ... for a night like that I'd wear my best leopard-skin patterned dinner jacket!