Good, clean sex sayings ....

Found this on another forum that I occasionally visit behind TC's trusting back, had to share:

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
-Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
-Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
-Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
-Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal,particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz E320."
-Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
-Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
-Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
-George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
-Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."

-Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
-Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
-Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
-Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
-Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
-Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
-Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-Robin Williams

Odd. Some of the above quotes appear to be off by one. Still funny stuff though!

For instance:

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
should be credited to Steve Martin ( http://www.quotedb.com/quotes/1546 )

and "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither."
sounds like Woody Allen.

I want to return to the womb - anyone's.
Woody Allen

Hakaluki -- I think you're right. Some may be off. The Barbara Bush one in particular gives me the willies.

Sex is like pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.

I liked Jon Stewart's response to the Opra Winfrey Show where she gave every woman in the audience a new car - "I guess the thing that disturbed me most is I've never been able to get a woman THAT excited...and I've given away a few cars!"

"It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home"

Jeffrey Dahmer

On 2004-12-18 22:25, Tiki_Bong wrote:
"It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home"

Jeffrey Dahmer

Bong, leave it to you to bring things back into perspective.

On 2004-12-18 22:25, Tiki_Bong wrote:
"It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home"

Jeffrey Dahmer

Did you mean Jefe' Dahmer??
(see eating people post)

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

That's actually Woody Allen

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
-Camille Paglia

George Burns, actually. Wouldn't expect a critic of liberal feminism to make that joke. Especially a woman.

This sounds more like Pagilia:

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."

I'm not sure who "Matt Barry" is. I'm guessing they mean DAVE Barry. But both are wrong. The Mercedes-Benz quote is PJ O'Rourke.

[ Edited by: BarkerBird on 2004-12-20 13:12 ]

"Lube It Or Lose It" - Jiffy Lube

"I need to light my dinosaur" - tikijackalope

"I kinda got me a thing for Fritos and Fritos Hot Bean Dip" - Tiki Bong

[ Edited by: Sabu The Coconut Boy on 2004-12-20 18:02 ]

not sure who to credit this one to:

"sex is nobody's business but the three people involved."

"They say it takes 2 to tango... Tonight it's gonna take 3!" R. Heiliger, musician